I just took a personality test and look at what it says:

DREAMER
(Submissive Introvert Abstract Feeler )

Like just 12% of the population you are a DREAMER (SIAF)--reserved and imaginative. You are basically the shy, silent type. You don't have much interest in facts and figures or most of what's going on around you, but the internal worlds you build for yourself are rich and complex.

Luckily, your creativity and strong heart mean you have a deep personality evident to anyone who gets to know you. It's just that not many people do, because most everyone thinks you're a loser. Talk to yourself less, other people more, little shaver.



Didn't need this test to tell me what I am. But it feels good to remind myself once in a while that I am a dreamer.

Some poem I wrote two days ago:

Harmonious Charmer

Silent breath flowing through my spiral hair,
Breathing down my neck and up my face…

To caress.

Oh, how I long for Zephyr’s passion,
How I need its love and warmth…

To help me heal.

I shed a drop of pain from past events,
A pale shade of crimson streams down my expression…

To cleanse my breath of life.

Oh, how I yearn for Zephyr’s melody,
Dancing along with the leaves…

To make me blissful.

I practically did nothing...well yesterday, anyway.

OK, I pigged out. It was a little fun. I thought, since I bought The Simpsons First Season DVD, why not put it to a good use. Everyone was out eating with friends and I decided to slack at home. I ordered a medium pizza with some hot wings.

It was delicious.

I ended up burping tomato sauce all night. I stuffed my stomach like never before.

Sounds like fun, huh?

I saw this pic at work and I FELL IN LOVE:



Isn't it GREAT!

Then I saw this one:



And I thought...HEY I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE IN ANOTHER WEB SITE.
And I was right.

Mark Ryden, ladies and gentlemen.

::claps::

I got an e-mail from my friend Juliette today:

Ok.....on Monday...at 11:55 pm...I was at Saphire point with some of my friends, and I got proposed to..the ring is so beautiful...and I still can't believe it...sorry it took me so long to tell you..I've just been so busy hanging out with the love of my life is all...heh hhe hhe

So....are you surprised? I am...wow....it's un--be--liev--able! But....My stomach feels as if it's going to explode...so I'm gonna get in the shower right now..talk to ya later babe. And don't worry....I might go down to your house to stop by and give you back your cd's and show you the ring...it's platnum with tiny diamonds in the middle of the band...its sooooooooooo awesome....Man, Cristal...didn't I always say that I was gonna marry him some day....wow! It seems that everything i say actually happeneds....hmm..maybe I should say that I'm gonna win a million dollars...ha! ya never know right? ya never know....



luv.....Jules!

Well, wow.
Congrats, girl. I am very happy for you.

Did I ever mention that Bug Eyed Earl is one of my...no wait...he IS my best friend?

Well...he is.
Isn't that right, Earl?

Two of the GREATEST movies around...


Meet The Feebles


Killer Klowns from Outer Space

Anyone who says otherwise...CAN KISS IT.

I'm an E string killer.

Either that or E can't stand getting strummed by me...
So he decides to kill himself.

Shit like this always happens to me.

::listening to Coldplay::

Yep...that's my new gift this year. Along with both Travis CDs. I love Coldplay...especially right now as I am typing this. My momma got me this 15'' angel. I love that too.

The evening was beautiful today. Last time I saw an evening like this was on St. Patrick's Day (had my green beer that day too). It was eerily contagious to look at. One part of the sky was dark and filled with peach and purple clouds while on the other side it was as clear as blue plastic. Then there was this corner...meshed with both purple, peach and blue. It was beyond stellar.

It was perfect.

I've had it. I know it is Christmas Eve, but I need to come out.

Things that have been pissing me off or bothering me:

1) Rick: thinks he can use people and expect them to forgive him. He was right. He puts his foot in his mouth a lot. He needs to find another excuse for his mood swings OTHER than "PMS."

2)Justin: yeah, I still dislike him for what he did. Broke my heart in more ways than my uncle's death. I've gotten over it, but not completely. I know more than what he thinks. Yeah, his girlfriend Katie. Nice girl. Reminds me of myself sometimes. Katieinshoes. Yeah, I can do it. Screw it up for them, but I am not that type of person. She doesn't deserve shit...so I won't say a thing. Don't worry Justin, you know I wouldn't do that. Why bother? You can claim that I am some crazy bitch and everyone would believe you. Sometimes, I wish I knew NOTHING...but I happen to stumble upon HER website when I was looking for Justin's. Oh well. Time to let go. ::slashes her arm::

3)Money: Now that I have it and can get anything that I want...I don't want to deal with it. I hate malls more than ever and shopping...it's vexed. Too much spending...it sux.

4)Me: This isn't new. I can be such an asshole sometimes. I can never do anything right. I am both neurotic and psychotic...all at once. I know I need to stop being negative towards myself and life. I should listen to Mani. He knows more about myself than I could ever see. It's kinda scary. If I could only let go of the past. The harassment, anger, pain, suffering...mutilation. I should damn it to the black hole. One day at a time, I guess. ::slashes her arm profusely::

I should be more open. It might help me out with shit.

Maybe it's time for Cristal #2 to see some light here...

So, I go places and I see different people. Then, I wonder to myself,

"What am I?"

It may be a simple question to some, but for me...it's a "what's this life for" type of question.

Puzzling.

There is something that I am planning to buy sometime soon...

A bass guitar...

Can't wait.

Viri and I decided to tell Mani about the shit Coreen has been talking about. Well...she decided to tell him. I was just there to support her. I don't really like to get into bullshit. He seemed to take it well.

I almost pulled Andrew into the girl's bathroom today. I freaked Viri out. Haha. I wanted him in there too. Just to see his reaction. I don't know. It was a spontaneous thing that I did.....I am a spontaneous person. Viri would have NEVER thought that I would do that kind of thing. I thought it was funny.

I cut my hair again. And again, *I* cut my hair. I guess I am never going to stop with the "substitution for bordem" excuse. My hair...it's a little out of wack, but it'll fix itself sometime later.

Man, it's been four days since I last wrote something.
I am tired, though...so I will give you a short recap of anything that has happened:

1. Bought my Sis her drum set ($323)
2. Got my AMP and Guitar (hot pink with blue strap)
3. Almost finished with Xmas shopping.
4. Bought books...lots of them.
5. I almost fell apart. Only a few minor slashes, but nothing big.

I know there is more...oh yeah, met cool guy, Paul. HEY PAUL.

Sorry...I can be very corny sometimes.

I have Schism stuck in my head...time for bed. That rhymed.

So, Mani, which I just realized that I had misspelled his name back in November...I called him Danny, sorry about that Mani. Anyway, he tried to "break through" me today. Well, I assume he has been for a while now. I was writing some stuff, like I always do at work, and he wanted to read some of it. I hesitated at first ( I have been dismissing the idea for a while too), but I gave in and let him read my thoughts. It was about my uncle...who had died back one year ago in October.

I got very nervous. He assured me that he wouldn't criticize me, but I still wasn't sure if I should have let him in my life in that way. I seem to scare people off sometimes.

He returned with my writing and told me that he liked my style. He said it was very well done (not the exact words, but close enough). He started asking some questions and I showed him my scars. Once I start talking about my life....I can't stop and I feel like I have to finish what I have started. I told him a lot. More than I have ever told a guy. And it matters to me because he is as creative as I am and thinks in the same level as me. So it scared me.

I got so nervous I left to get away from his positive presence. I needed to some time for myself. I never get good feedback from someone.....ESPECIALLY a guy. Well, I told him that I was going to show him some of my drawings on Monday. I am going to draw something for him...it's my way of saying, "thank you for that slap...I needed one."

I just hope he doesn't think it's too corny.

Check this:

It's a cute pic of Mickey at his finest moment...

AND...this is one of my favourite painter...

Rob Gonsalves...a Canadian.

Cool, eh?

I was told that I had a great smile today. This is not the first time.

“You look fine…you have a pretty smile,” says Andrew, a co-worker at BGI.

“Oh, dude…don’t…” I said, a little embarrased.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked.

“No,” I replied.

“Have you ever been with anybody?”

“No, never.”

“Not even a kiss…nothing!?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“It just hasn’t happened yet.”

“So, are you…?”

“Yeah…” I thought he was going to ask if I was a virgin, then I figured he meant if I was a Lesbian.

“BUT, I’m not a lesbian or anything,” I replied.

“You’re bi?” He asked.

“No, I just haven’t been with anyone.”

“Oh, ok that’s cool,” He said.

He leaves me alone for a while (he runs errands at work).

He comes back to hand me more work (he’s 20, by the way).

“When are you planning to get a boyfriend?”

“I’m not PLANNING to get one….”

“It happens when It happens, that’s cool,” he says.

“That’s right!” I said.

That really threw me off. What is he up to? I’ve never had a guy tell me that I had a “pretty smile.” Not to my face anyway. Elaine, another co-worker, told me that I had a beautiful smile last week. When I tried to hide it she got all worked up and asked me not to do that. And today…she called me buttercup. I’M A BUTTERCUP!!! Who would have thought?

Maybe I should smile more often. Those two people have made me feel a little better about myself. My friends may tell me those things, but they are my friends. Even if I had a BUTT-UGLY friend (which I don’t) I’d tell her or him that he or she was beautiful because I wanted to make him or her feel good. Regardless if it was the truth or not. It’s better when a person, you barely know, tell you nice things like that. It’s more honest because they don’t have any close relationship with me, but they still waste their words on me by telling me that I am beautiful.

I like that a lot.

I want a little more compliments from guys, though…just a little.

I feel that HE is trying to break through me. I also feel that HE remembers everything I say and do. I feel special. Maybe I should open up to HIM and let HIM see what I am and who I am. Although I want to...I am a little worried.

And I am not talking about God here. He already knows who and what I am. Because he created me.

I try to make people realize that there is more than one answer to anything. There is an expansion of thoughts. Trying to help them be more open-minded. Sometimes...I feel that I should stop trying and focus more on myself.

The words "mall" and "December" should NOT mix in one sentence...ever. It was very...ugh today. I went to the mall, but I went by myself. Not a good idea. One thing I dislike are crowed places. I get a little irritated and nervous. I first went to Hot Topic to buy my brother this Linkin Park work shirt he wanted to get. As soon as I got that I got out of there. I don't like it there as much as I used to. I only had two hours to spend at the mall. I needed to go to JCPenny to buy my daddy some cargo pants (I got him into them). I couldn't fine shit for my mother and I was getting really pissed off, so I stopped looking. I want to enjoy shopping.

I only had one thing in the back of my mind:

Borders.

I wanted to spend as much time as I could in there. I feel more comfortable when I am near books. I got a few books:

Celtic Myth and Magick
Think
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

AND Magnetic Poetry: The Artist Edition.

I got the wrong Harry Potter book. My sister has that one already...SO I have to go and change it. Oh well.
I LOVE books just as much as I love music. Artistic shit runs through my fuckin' blood.
I love that side of myself.

I gotta start reading my Think book. I love philosophy and I love thinking.

Looking through the blogger directory...I have noticed something:

Everyone has used the words "random" and "rants" in their intro.
And I am one of them...

Fuck.

Check this out:

The Ultimate Mom Test
Cristal, you've got what it takes to be a Lots o' Laughs Mom!

I think I would be...could be...a good momma.

Recipe for: Lots o' Laughs Mom
Quote: "Last one in the swimming pool is a rotten egg!"

Ingredients:
1 ton of energy
100 giggles
1 basket of fresh ideas
50 bad jokes
10 good jokes
Smattering of silly nicknames
Zest for life (for flavoring)
If desired: pillow fights, water balloons on hot days, and costumes for the dog

Still a kid at heart, you're the Lots o' Laughs Mom who keeps the kids giggling, trying new things, and living it up. Your philosophy is that life should be a gas—most especially a kid's life! Which is why your kids' friends are probably jealous of them for having such a cool mom. And with everything you're juggling—inside and outside of your home—this is a feat worthy of the big top.

When it's time for a meal at your house, the enjoyment doesn't slow down a bit. Sure, you want to make sure your family eats right. But you love any food that jiggles, squiggles, or tickles. Playing with food doesn't have to be taboo—it just might be expected. And picnics, meals at the amusement park, or a backyard barbecue could all be part of the adventure.

You've got nonstop energy, that positive attitude, and endless new ideas. You can conquer rainy day boredom and chase down fun even in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

I won't know if this is true until the day I am blessed with a child of my own. I don't know if that will ever happen, though.

Another Emode.com test:

What's Your Lucky Charm?
Cristal, your lucky charm is a Four-leaf Clover!

Of course, of course.

It also said this stuff here:

Even if you're not from the green isles, you just might share in some of that luck o' the Irish. The four-leaf clover is your lucky charm.

Druids used four leaf clovers to see evil spirits and friendly fairies. If you start seeing magical things however, we recommend laying off the clovers for a while. In fact, you don't even need to possess the actual clover. A necklace, pendant, key chain or tattoo promises the same good fortune of the ancients.

Take note brides and grooms—the mere dream of a four-leaf clover foretells of a successful marriage. Actually finding one might mean quadruplets.

Cool, huh?

Here are the rest of the Brian dates.
Check it out and he may be coming to YOUR town.
(or near it...both ways work well)

12.9.2001 The Punchline - Atlanta, GA
12.14.2001 Caroline's - New York, NY
12.15.2001 Caroline's - New York, NY
12.16.2001 Caroline's - New York, NY
1.3.2002 Cobb's - San Francisco, CA
1.4.2002 Cobb's - San Francisco, CA
1.5.2002 Cobb's - San Francisco, CA
1.6.2002 Cobb's - San Francisco, CA
1.11.2002 Ruth Eckerd Hall - Clearwater, FL
1.12.2002 Moran Theatre - Jacksonville, FL
1.16.2002 The Improvisation - Irvine, CA
1.17.2002 The Improvisation - Irvine, CA
1.18.2002 The Improvisation - Irvine, CA
1.19.2002 The Improvisation - Irvine, CA
1.20.2002 The Improvisation - Irvine, CA
1.31.2002 Zanies - Chicago, IL
2.1.2002 Zanies - Vernon Hills, IL
2.2.2002 Zanies - Vernon Hills, IL
2.8.2002 Banana's - Hasbrouck Heights, NJ
2.9.2002 Banana's - Hasbrouck Heights, NJ

Go and explore at the Improv...while laughing your ass off!!!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:

BRIAN REGAN IS COMING TO IRVINE!!!!!!!

WOO HOO!!!!

I knew this day would come soon!

I was looking through one of his pages and I saw it:

The Improvisation - Irvine, CA 1.16.2002
The Improvisation - Irvine, CA 1.17.2002
The Improvisation - Irvine, CA 1.18.2002
The Improvisation - Irvine, CA 1.19.2002
The Improvisation - Irvine, CA 1.20.2002

My heart was set on fire! Oh, I can't wait and I HAVE to go...this is another chance that I got and I cannot MISS this!!! I don't care about work either! He's gonna be there for five days! Can't get any better than that....I guess. Wait...meeting him is MUCH better! I have to get the camera ready and a marker...NO! The camera is MUCH better! Yeah!! I need a shower!

I wrote more stuff at work today...check it out:

The virus you have transmitted rests in me. Eating me alive.
I ponder my breath away, wondering how I ended up like this...with you.
Days of the facts have become lies. Cluttering my mind with thoughts of hate and disgust.
How I regret that day.

The sharp point of a dull pin met my hand. At the same time...I found a companion.
The encounter was painful but releasing.

No one understood why I couldn't let you go.
It's been six months since we last touched.
There has been times where I was close enough to touch you once again. It hasn't happened yet.

But the urges keep getting stronger.

Check this:

I wonder what it would be like to go to my first lesbian bar?

"Two plus two is four...two plus two is four...two plus two is four..."

I think I cut my hair on the wrong season. It's too short for winter, dammit. So short you can see the shaved part, WHICH I do not dare get my monthly shave done just now. I'll get frost bite. Well, ok...so I am exaggerating a bit. OK, here is something I wrote last week at work. And yes, I was bored.

Mr. Bungle likes to parade around my living room everyday at around 3:00 AM. He seems to enjoy pissing me off. And I enjoy ignoring him. He teases my hair and shuts my mouth so I won't be able to get the toothbrush near my teeth. Bastard. I'll beat him one day.
There was a period where Mr. Bungle was around two times a week. Now, It's the opposite. I reckon that he won't leave me alone. Not until I lose my job.

Then I wrote:

Mr. Bungle decided to pay me a visit today. I told him I didn't want any company. He refused to leave and so I had no choice but to kick his goddamned ass from here all the way to Europe where his ass was used in a game of Rugby.

Yep...I am a bored person. Then again.....I get good fuckin' ideas.

I went to the 99 cents store to buy some lead. Then I went to Rite Aid to buy some chap stick. I also bought some ice cream. Mmmm...ice cream. I got a chocolate double scoop on a sugar cone. It was very cold outside, but I still enjoyed my ice cream. Only in SoCal can one eat ice cream in December. Well, here and in Hawaii. I am sure there are other places where once can eat ice cream...but not enjoy it as much as I do.

As I was heading home I passed by the bank and this big, fat, old, Mexican dude was walking towards my way. As I passed him by he murmurs:

"Mmmm...Reese's..." and as I walked away I say:

"Asshole....asshooole..."

I was wearing a Reese's T-shirt. REESE'S happened to be across my boobs. I must have misunderstood. Maybe he really likes Reese's...or maybe he was just using the candy to comment on my breasts. Who knows. I need to stop thinking so negatively.

I went to visit an old teacher of mine. She told me about her daughter and how she is always being made fun of. When she told me the reasons...I had a flashback. That little girl is being made fun of because of her hair...her weight and her clothes. And so was I. I tried to give my old teacher some advice and she asked for my number instead. She wants me to talk to her daughter.

Damn.

What am I going to say? I have never been in a situation like this. I don't want to say the wrong thing and ruin this little girl's life. My old teacher tells me how fond her daughter is of a drawing I made for her. I think it's great when people tell me that I am good, but when someone as young as that little girl...bright and intelligent...says that I am good...that makes me feel special. There is no one more honest than a kid. I just hope I can give her some good advise.

Today was...dull. Well, at work, anyway. I got moved from cell receiving into shipping. I didn't do shit for the first two hours...my printer went bust and I could do nothing about it. Once it got fixed...I sent into shipping. Another three hours of nothing. I hate being bored. During the time I was there I wrote stuff.

What if I am in my conscious state of mind, but to others I am disabled. What if I am mute, blind and silenced...
An autistic child...born in a self-helping world. Corrupting my once innocent mind and telling me they are facts of long ago.
What if...

Then, during my last break I wrote:

I once knew a girl who used to spend time by herself. Thinking about the things she did and how she admired them. Thinking she was worth while. Everyday voices told her how horrendous and useless she was. Stepping all over her self-esteem, her inner beauty...her heart. Laughing at her grief. This girl would go home to spend some time by herself...taking the voices along with her. Everyday she was convinced that she was special...everyday that confidence was taken away. The voices grew more and more louder with every breath she would take.

I wish I had time to finish what I was trying to express.

I went shopping today. Headed for the Montclair Plaza and bought two pairs of cargos and two pairs of Arizona Flat Fronts. Those are my first and I must say they are very warm. I also bought my mother this Curious George sweater. As I was browsing around in JCPenny this lady came up to me and gave me this card. It was a 20% off anything card and it was only valid for today. Just my luck!! So, I bought the pants and sweater and it all cost me $77.35. Yep...good luck for me.

We then went to Payless where I bought my sister some new shoes. I saw some cool rainbow socks, but decided to buy those babies later. I found a shoe store that sold some Converse Chucks. Malls suck when it comes to prices. I saw the orange ones that I wanted...the thing is they cost $34.99. Fuck that, man. I decided to go to Hot Topic and check out this hoodie I want to buy from my brother. It was too crowded for me and so I left as quickly as I came in. I saw this really cool blue Pony jacket, though. We left the mall and head for Shoe City. I knew they had some Chucks there and they were cheaper than the ones at the mall. I didn't find orange ones, but I did see red and I thought, "ah, it's close enough." They look pretty cool with my blue shoelaces. I knew those laces would come in handy some day.

After that, I went to Best Buy and bought that Now That's What I Call Christmas CD. I like the fact the they have good oldies in it. Such as, Jingle Bell rock and Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. We decided to go and grab a bite to eat. My mother didn't mind. *I* was the one spending ALL money. Anyway. She needed gas money and I gave it to her. Then we went to Jack in the Box to buy some Sourdoughs and one Jumbo Jack and a few side orders. As I was waiting there, I was lookin' around when my eye caught this old black dude. We looked at each other and smiled. That felt SOO good! I LOVE it when old peeps smile at me. It makes me feel special due to the fact that they oversee my appearance and waste their smile on me.

"Number twelve, your order is ready."

That was my food and so I went to pick it up. When I got there the old dude said,

"That's for you!"

I smiled at him, "Yeah."

Old people can be sooo fuckin' cool, man. I mean it. That made my day.

So, I spent over $150 today...I was left with forty-two dollars and some change. It was all good. For today.

I went to the car show like I said I would. Saw my dream car and drooled for a while. There were a lot of people in town today. Lots of crafts and stuff. I have noticed that my town is more like a hippie's dreamland than anything else. We are so close-knit and can't forget about the tie-dye. I have become fond of my town. I bought my sister and myself a ring. I got myself a faery doll for ten bucks! Yeah! I also got this velvet dress for my sister's doll. I wanted to buy more stuff, but I needed the money to buy some cargos. I am in NEED of new pants! I have shit.

The pants I wear to work...I wear for social gatherings (when I go to them...which is beyond rare). I have changed quiet a bit. It's been six months since I last slashed my skin. I have been wearing brighter and more solid clothing. In other words...I am starting to look more like Ginger in the cartoon, "As Told By Ginger." That's my sister's cartoon, but I am starting to like it myself. It very cute.

The LAST ones...I promise!!!

What Color is Your Aura?
We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Crystal vibe.

Freaky, I must say. My name IS Cristal. ::Twilight Zone theme song plays::

The Ultimate Personality Test
Cristal, you're a Secret Agent!

Woo Hoo!!! Now all I need is a Mulder...

Which Shoe Fits You?
Cristal, today you should slip into a pair of Comfort Clogs!

Oh for the love of GOD, NO!!!

That's it for today, folks.

Here are some more:

What Breed of Dog Are You?
Cristal, you're a Cocker Spaniel!

And I thought I’d be more of a Pomeranian. Well, at least I know I am a bitch.

Who's Your Inner Rock Star?
Cristal, your inner rock star is Faith Hill!

Where in the FUCK did this come from?! Faith Hill?!

What's Your Flavor?
Mmm ... mocha!

Yes, sir…I like it.

Which Volkswagen Beetle Are You?
Cristal, your New Beetle is the Classic!

Of course…always have been. Classic...New? Very oxymoron...very me.

OK, I was bored and decided to go to Emode.com and take a few personality quizzes.

What's Your Theme Song?
Cristal, your theme song is I Will Survive!

Jesus CHRIST, NO!

What's Your True Color?
Cristal, your true color is Brown!

Ugh…but my favorite color is BLUE, dammit!

Who's Your Type?
Your type is the Goofball

Ohhhh yeah, baby.

What Type Are You?
You are an Intellect

Well…maybe....wait....that can't be right...

The first of December. As Homer would say in neurotic situations:

Woo Hoo!

There is a Christmas Festival in Ontario today. ::crossing fingers that it won't rain:: Also...the best...a car show. I know that dude's car is going to be there. I am in LOOOVE with his Chevelle. ::sigh::

Oh yeah, I had a dream about this guy. He kissed me and licked me (on my knee, folks...don't get bad ideas now). I loved every moment of it. Then I had a dream about being in a class with Jonathan Davis, but who cares. I woke up and remembered about the kissing dream. It was only a dream. I swear I thought it was real. I guess I want that kiss real bad, huh? Maybe someday.

I hope to dream of him again. But I'll see him on Monday. For now....I have to buy new cargos and chucks. I have NOTHING anymore (clothes wise).

OH YEAH! To the people who know me (I mean EVERYONE one who knows me...that includes online people as well):

I KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU THAN YOU THINK.

Have a nice day!