It's been eight months since Xavier the X-acto knife and I touched.

My scars...they look cool along with shadows...

Sometimes...I miss cutting myself.

Check this out:

A Utah prisoner filed a $1 million lawsuit against the state
for suspending a program which provided hair transplants for
prisoners. He claimed "emotional suffering."

Thanks to Wacky William for this one.

My fake cat, Spider and I had a quick talk...

He's right...not all guys are assholes...there are a lot who are worth talking to.

I'll find him soon.

He's a liar.

"The longest relationship he has ever had"

BULLSHIT! What was I!!?! SHIT! I am shaking from anger. I need to stop looking at her blog...it is killing me.

Yesterday, I went to Express West and as I walked by a car, some mexican asshole whistled at me. I ignored him and I laughed. Then a few minutes later some black jackass wanted to get with me. Fat, simpleton ass-cunt...He reeked of marijuana (a HUGE turn off). As I was leaving he screams:

"HEY, you have a big BOOTIE...can I have some?!"

He said that in front of a bank. I laughed from anger.

Guys suck...they treat me like a piece of meat...maybe I should swing the other way.

And back to my Picture-Taking hobby...

I am very much enjoying it.

Last week, I took a picture of a beer bottle that was thrown alongside the gutter. The bottle had a foam holder thing and upon it...it said:

Richard & Jenny Forever...

Or SOME bullshit like that. Anyway, I thought it was both funny and ironic and so there for...I took a picture. I also took a picture of an american flag printed bandana trashed in the dirt. So...where is this so called "we love america" patriotism? I knew it. It was just some phase/fad. But it's not over for everyone. Just a selected few and I have a picture to prove it.

Hello Again

Mr. Sad Ghost, how are you?
It’s me…Cristal.
Remember me?
I brought you to life a year ago.

The expression of your face…
That’s how I felt at the time.
I’m sorry for making you sad.
You’re still beautiful to me.

Mr. Worried Ghost, what happened?
I lost you for a while, but you came back.
I missed you.
But I am happy now.

Mr. Ghost, I love you.
We both know how I feel.
I wish you were here...
To hold me like you used to.

Cristal...
I found someone else.
Don't waste your love on me.
I don't need you anymore.

I'm sorry, Mr. Sad Ghost...

I did it.

It took me a while, but I did it.

And I got a response.

I am shaking like jell-o...but I am happy at heart.

I had a talk with Viri. I listened to her depression talking. Everything she said reminded me of that person I was a year ago. Lost.

Had a walk with Eileen. It was cool. I got stared and yelled at by strangers (that's nothing new). I took pictures as we walked. Did I mention picture-taking is my new hobbie? (Did I also mention that I can't type or spell for shit?). Well, it is and I can't. I am going to try to make some kind of scrapbook about my life and town.



Oh yeah, I still have "feelings" for Him.
I need someone. That one guy who will understand me and be able to handle me and my disturbing but silly ways.

What's Your Love Story?

Cristal, Loving Too Much is your primary love story!

Like I didn't know that already...

I got this from Poetry.com:

We are pleased to inform you that the poem you recently
submitted to our Amateur Poetry Contest has
been reviewed. An update on the status of your contest
entry will be mailed to you. Please look for it to
arrive in your mailbox in the next 7-10 days.

Whoa...this is awesome! I can't wait!

After I saw this painting over a year ago...I fell in love with Rob's work.

I am always criticized. I am always criticized by my family. Always.

I walked to the nearest store (Rite Aid) to buy some batteries for my CD player. On my way a man said “Good Morning.” Now…in my town…that is not unusual. Everyone is super friendly. BUT, in my town…it is unlikely for someone to say hi to someone who looks like me. I have my own unique style…sorta. Ok, I have NO style…but I don’t dress like anyone that I know of and if there is someone like me, I have yet to meet him or her.

Anyway…I got off topic.

I smiled at that man…as a thank you for wasting your words on me. I crossed the street and an old man smiled at me. Old people smile at me all the time. My self-esteem rises every time that happens. But there is something that takes that away from me all the time.

My family’s criticism.

They pummel me to the concrete every time I hear them speak. Each word that comes out of their mouth makes me wander off deeper into the shell that I have created to protect myself from people like them.

I don’t understand how a complete stranger can accept me as who I am, when my family refuse to have me as what I am. Then again, that stranger doesn’t have to live with me and my family does.

What’s the big deal?

My self-ways and lip ring.

I wish they could just get over it.

Guess what?

Oh Yes....just shut up and look:






Take the Which Beatle Are You? Quiz.


I am The COOLEST!!!

STuPiD QuiZ TiMe!

SelectSmart.com...before you decide. Fun Interactive Selectors(in other words...a page full of stupid quizes) - Create Your Own Free Selector

This is what I got:

Teenage Clothing Style Stereotyper
# 1 Hardcore Punk
# 2 Funky alternative *unique*
# 3 Skater
# 4 Emo
# 5 Goth
# 6 Raver
# 7 Sporty/casual
# 8 Prep
# 9 Ghetto
# 10 Flashy/Slutty

What type of clothes fit your persionality. FOR GIRLS

# 1 Cheerleader (OH GOD NOOO!!)
# 2 Goth
# 3 Nerd
# 4 Prep
# 5 Skank
# 6 Tomboy
# 7 Weirdo
I thought it was shit...so I took the test again...

# 1 Cheerleader
# 2 Goth
# 3 Nerd
# 4 Prep
# 5 Skank
# 6 Tomboy
# 7 Weirdo
DAMMIT!!!!! Maybe it's backwards...YEAH! That MUST/HAVE to be it! ::sighs::

Women's Vintage Fashion Decade Selector

# 1 Drab, functional 1930s Depression-era clothes
# 2 Bold, modern 1960s styles -- minis and bellbottoms and platforms, oh my!
# 3 Saucy 1920s flapper fashions
# 4 Simple, tailored but feminine 1940s styles
# 5 Warm, back-to-nature '70s threads -- think Mary Tyler Moore
# 6 Dior's post-war New Look -- 1950s' figure-flattering, feminine frocks
# 7 Glam, decadent '80s wear -- labels, shoulderpads, stilettos and lots of hair!

Well...fuck.

Which drink are you?

Is this even a so-called "drink"?

I think I should join the "Off-Beats".

I wonder...

Where am I headed in this life time?

Like many other GenXers...I am lost on my path to my future well being.

My fake cat, Spider is staring at me...I'd better go.

Guess what?

(test not shown here)

No shit.

Another stupid quiz:

EMODE is going to be on the tele....

wow.

I REALLY like stupid quizes...I saw these when I was reading this girl's journal.
Yeah, reading about other people's lives is a hobbie of mine. It has been for two years. (I even read Real Worlder, Matt from the New Orleans season's journal. I am a dork, by the way)






Which Internal Organ are you? Find out at willaston's lounge!





Take the Corporate Mascot Test at Willaston's Lounge!





Are you sick of online personality tests?
OK, this one is REALLY stupid! Heh.




What Psych-Ward do you belong to?

This week has been painful and new coming…all in one.
I don’t have much to say, though.

Monday: I did it. I was planning to do it Friday, but I got sick…so instead, I did it on Monday…

I got my lip pierced.

I talked about it for about over a year…to my momma, that is. It took me a week to convince her to give me permission. My co-worker, Viri, took me to San Bernardino to get the job done. We went to Cool Cat Tattoo. I was nervous all last week. We saw a bunch of guys hanging out. Doing guy things. That made me feel like shit right off the bat. One of them asked, "Need any help...?" He asked three times. I gnored it. OF COURSE, I do that when guys talk to me...i'm shy.

I picked the ring...a horseshoe. Well it was either that or a spike and I REALLY wanted the ring. So, I took the latter. The piercing wasn’t painful. I just felt some pressure, but that was it. I didn’t even feel the dude put the ring in…so much for being nervous. It seemed to me that...no, the guy was a bitch. Oh well, he is forever gone from my life. In other words: I am never going back there. Once he was done with the peircing...I was outta there.

My first reaction:

I don’t like it. It sux…this guy sux…I hate it. Why? Why did I do it?

“It’s ok…no, really. I like it.” I said that instead.

Once I got home I took a shower and then called Domina. Told her about the ring. She came over and took me to the place where she gets her piercings done. Classic Tattoo. That's where I a met a chick named Alisson. She made me feel awesome...or comfortable. I wanted to change the piercing, but she said it was best if I'd wait a while before I do anything to it. Bummer.

Mother's reaction: She almost cried...I could see it in her eyes.

Tuesday: Dave Thomas died.

I was waiting for my step-dad to pick up some stuff for his car after I had gotten out of work. I was listening to a local radio station. The DJ announced that Dave had died from liver failure. My heart semi-stopped, but not just because he had passed away...also because I realized that death is getting closer the older I get.

Wednesday: By this time my lip was super swollen, but it looked very cool.

I went to Rite Aid to buy Peroxyl for my mouth. I was stared at for a while...thank God I was used to it. On the way back home, I was waiting to cross the street when some little dude rolled down his window. Belted out a howl and offered me some candy. I refused...I've taken candy from a stranger...only once...and once is enough.

Then I spent an hour looking for a song. Back in Black by AC/DC. Listening to it right now…

Like I said...I didn't have much to say.

I got an e-mail today...and entry for a poem contest.

This is what I entered:

Xavier

The virus you have transmitted rests in me.
Eating me alive.
I ponder my breath away,
Wondering how I ended up like this...

With you.

Days of the facts have become lies.
Cluttering my mind with thoughts of hate...
Disgust.
How I regret that day.

The sharp point of a dull pin met my hand.
At the same time...
I found a companion.
The encounter was painful...

Releasing.

No one understood why I couldn't let you go.
It's been six months since we last touched.
There's been times where I was close enough,
To touch you once again.

It hasn't happened yet...

But the urge keeps getting stronger.

It's from a thought I wrote when I was at work over a month ago. It's almost the same...I made a few changes...to make it "look" like a poem. Which it is...but not to everyone else...

Just to me.

I just came back from a venture with a friend. Domina. I've known her since I moved to Ontario...four or five years. She was the first person to talk to me at Chaffey High.

She called me up as I was looking at The Simpsons. We went to the mall, West Covina first. Just walked around and talked while we ate ice cream. I am being very clumsy and messy, but of course, I am a dork...so it fits. We passed every store but Hot Topic. As much as we could care less for that store...we still went in. I ended up buying a raibow lanyard, rainbow bracelet and a patch of a bunny that said "You suck big time." I thought it was a little unique.

I told her about this store called Torrid. It's basically a version of Hot Topic for fat girls like myself. She asked if I wanted to go and I accepted. That was very spontaneous and nice of her. So off to Brea we went. I've never been to Brea, let alone the mall.

The store was awesome. There were only girls in there and they were all fat like me...ok, maybe a little fatter, but that means nothing. I loved it and I felt comfortable in it. I bought this badass sweater (grey with three black, glittery stars on one side of it. I love it! Then I bought this baby blue blouse with rainbow, glittery stars across the chest area, a couple of buttons and some stockings (red/white and red/black). After that we went to Spencers and avoided Hot Topic. I wasted a lot today, but it was all worth it.

I had a badass time and I thanked for the taking her time to take me out and for getting me out of the house.

A friend sent me this quiz and thought I should take it...knowing that I like to take stupid quizes. It's a New Year's resolution type of quiz. A few days late...but who cares...

This is what I got:




Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz



Could this be what I need to do? I wonder...

So, President George W. Bush came to Ontario today. Not Ontario, CANADA, but Ontario, CALIFORNIA. Why? I think it's because our Mayor, Gary Ovitt is a "republican" himself. Who knows...maybe Bush wanted to keep it low for a while.

Don't believe me?! Check out these links:
(well, just the first one...the rest are about Ontario)

Daily Bulletin

Ontario

Greetings from Ontario, California! Ontario, California: Lodging, Restaurants, Weather, Map and History

Here are some Fast Facts:

Canadians George and William Chaffey founded the City of Ontario as a model colony in 1882. My street is called Chaffey CT. I think Chaffey's house still stands on my street...been there once too...nice lady, she let me see this minature house that she was creating.

The City is governed by a five member City Council with the mayor serving as the presiding officer at all City Council meetings. The Council also sits as the Ontario Redevelopment Agency. The members of the Ontario City Council are: Mayor Gary C. Ovitt, Mayor Pro Tem Alan D. Wapner, Councilman Gerald A. DuBois, Councilman Deborah S. Acker and Councilman Paul S. Leon. Mayor Ovitt was my U.S. History my Junior year of high school. Good mayor, not so good teacher (he was hardly ever there...listen to reason, people!)

With an Elevation of 925 feet, the City of Ontario averages 312 days of sunshine per year. It's true...so true.

In the case of emergency, the U.S. Space Shuttle can land at Ontario International Airport. How COOL is this shit!! I never knew that. I'm digging my town even more.

Ontario Mills is both the largest shopping center and the number one tourist attraction in the State of California. Should have seen it when it first opened in 97...could hardly breathe in there. I didn't know it was a "tourist attraction."

Ontario based MAG Instruments, Inc. is the largest producer of flashlights in the world, cranking out 39 million units in 1999.

The Juan Pollo chicken chain started in Ontario in January 1984. So THAT's where they came from!?

Famed police novelist Joseph Waumbaugh, who wrote The Onion Field and The Choir Boys, graduated from Chaffey High School in 1954.

John Armstrong founded Armstrong Nurseries in Ontario in 1882. A horticultural genius, he brought national attention to Ontario with his champion roses, as well as international recognition from his nursery's plant breeding program.

Ontario entrepreneur Earl H. Richardson invented the Hotpoint iron here in the early 1900s, earning Ontario the title, "iron capital of the world."

National Football Hall of Famer Anthony Munoz graduated from Chaffey High School in 1976. Oh yeah, I know. EVERYONE at Chaffey High School KNOWS who he is. He have pictures in North Hall (offices). Ontario even named a park after him. What an accomplishment (heh, more than I will ever do).

The Granada Theater in downtown Ontario was the second movie house ever built by Fox Theater on the West Coast. Yeah, now it's owned by Christians...ok, I will stop here...don't want to start arguments of ANY kind.

The Ontario Convention Center, encompassing 225,000 square feet on a 17.5 acre site, opened in December 1997 and is one of the most technologically advanced meeting facilities in the nation.

Ontario's hotel district provides 2,000 first-class hotel rooms within walking distance of the Ontario Convention Center, and an additional 700 rooms within a five-mile radius. Major chains include Hilton, Marriott and Doubletree.

I am at Eileen's house right now. She is letting me use her badass computer right now!

I am pretty much hogging it, but I know that she won't mind.

More stupid quizes:


Strawberry: 50/100 Pear: 40/100 Banana: 80/100 Tomato: 0/100 Lemon: 0/100

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by webkin and aaronr!

I am Mario. I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?

What Kind Of Pokemon Are You?


I have a lot of time in my hands...

I got spontaniously sick yesterday at work. It was right after my lunch break. I had eaten a burrito when I started to feel very weak. I know for a fact that is WASN'T the burrito, like many have claimed. I was already feeling a little on the downside...I was just hiding it with my witty-self (which is a lot of singing).

As pathetic as I can be, I was almost crying at work from the pain (every bone in my body ached). People suggested that I'd go home, but I didn't want to.

I was also going to do something yesterday, but now it will have to wait for Monday. Two more days.

So, which Fraggle ARE YOU most like? Click here to find out.

Untitled Document

Dare to check what it is?
C'mon, you know you're DYING to see...

::grins::

"What did you do for New Year's?"

"I slept through the countdown."

Yep. That's what I've been asked all day and all day...that has been my answer. I think I got up AFTER the countdown had already ended. An hour after. I went out, just to fell the breeze...

It was a powerful idea.

I saw a halo around the moon that night. A bright force was surrounding it. Then, another miraculous thing happened. When clouds crept under the moon, the halo turned into a rainbow. Never have I seen anything quite like that in my eighteen years of existing. I hope to see it again someday.

New Year's day turned out to be a "ridding a bummer day." In my case, it was just like any other day. I saw relatives that I haven't seen in about a year, but that didn't really help boost my so-called "happiness." Only one person could bring my spirit up to it's limit. My aunt, Guille. And she did just that.

She came in my room as I was trying to fall asleep for work the next day (today) and gave me a hug. I loved it. We hugged for so long she ended up falling on top of me and dropped my porcelain faery on the floor. She is one of those rare people that I really care for.

That's the moment I will remember for the rest of my life...not the beer I had or the tacos I ate, but the hug I recieved.

My quote for 2002 (I hope it's true):

"If you ever feel neglected,
If you think all is lost,
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,
Hoping everything's not lost."

Maybe this year...no...I will have to make a difference to make anything good happen.