Second song...

Butt Buddies
By Steve Kramer (singing as Bert and Ernie)

Hey Ernie,
You love me like no other puppet has.

Hey Bert,
My orange cock is in your yellow ass.

Hey, hey butt buddy,
I don’t have to worry about you using too much teeth…

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Because your lips are made of felt.
You’ll always be my San Francisco Treat.

It may not seem like much, but I think it's more "enjoyable" when you hear the music.

Here is a song from this funny-ass comedian/singer whom I saw back in March.

The Great Barbie Controversy
By Steve Kramer

Aye, aye, what a mess,
Please don’t take away from Barbie’s chest.
Oh no, the legend ends,
Now Barbie’s gonna look like my girlfriend.

And so how you say the proportions are wrong…

No shit Sherlock,
Ken doll ain’t got a shlong,
How can he smile when his penis is gone?
So, no wonder Barbie never dated him long.

Ken doll don’t have a wiener…
Even plastic nuts would be nice.

You should hear it...funny shit. I will post more of his songs later.

I got this in my mail today:

Believe it! You have a secret admirer!

Just click to http://www.SomeoneLikesYou.com to find out who!

Email address: zephyrousdream@yahoo.com
Secret code: zm9g8v (Note: This is NOT your password!)

See you soon!

Best wishes,

The SomeoneLikesYou Matchmaker

So, I checked it out (Yeah...I did it because curiosity kills me)

I registered and I got my first clue:

Clue #1:
Your secret admirer is between 13 and 15 years old

THAT made me think, "This must be my cousin trying to play a trick on my again..." In order for me to get my second clue...I have to write in my "5 guesses" which include a name and e-mail. I stopped there. My guess it was one of my cousins and I will leave it at that.

Fuckers.

School wasn't bad. Boring, really. But it was just an orientation...so, yeah.

I didn't get my schedule and books yesterday like I was supposed to because there was a bit of a miscommunication. Eh, it always happens with schools. So, instead of leaving at 10:30 AM I have to leave @ 9:30. Fuckers.

I am just hoping for two things: That I don't get lost (which can happen, but probably won't) and that I don't make an ass of myself (like always). ::crosses fingers::

Damn mosquito.

I start school in nine hours.

WHY did I have those damn cookies and milk.

Now I remember why I hate trips with the family...

I always end up feeling like shit.

I am an outsider in both worlds.

........

I had forgotten how many cops there are around a movie theater on a Friday night. Those damn teenagers.

I saw Unfaithful. It was good...my ass was numb, IS numb. I knew there was going to be sex in this movie, but WOW.

"I can't believe I watched a movie with porn-like sex with my daughter AND her friend," says Gloria...Eileen's mother. Something like that. I laughed through some parts, even though this movie was serious was SUPPOSED to be serious. I really want to see "One Hour Photo." That movie looks rad and bad.

After we went out to get some grub and headed to Eileen's house to relax for a while. We watched stand-up comedy. Laughed. Ate. Talked about how tonight's theme seemed to be "sex." Laughed some more. It was a good night, I must say.

Oh yeah...I came home and noticed the van wasn't there. My damn parents went out.

You know what I really hate? The fact that parents overreact sometimes, but no matter how BIG or small the problem is...

It affects everyone and anyone who lives with them. Damn them again.

I am in. IN, dammit...in.

I got the call about an hour and thirty minutes ago...

All I have to do is register and I am in!

Fuck my mother and her divorce for now...I need to get my ass in school. So, I will start Tuesday (The Orientation) and then officially start Wednesday. I am not nervous now...but I need to get some new clothes or something. Oh yeah, school supplies. Arrghh...

I hope all goes well.

http://www.northeastsprinkler.com/solf/misc/sw-triumph.wmv

So...another divorce.

But this time I am old enough to go where ever I want to go. I can't decide, though.

If I leave with my mother my brother and I would have to get a job. She told me she wouldn't be able to cover for all of us and she is moving closer to her job. I like it here...I don't want to move.

Fuck, parents can sure be selfish at times.

7:50 PM Update:

I've done a lot of thinking...

I might have to postpone my schooling and think about getting a job. Fuckin' shit, damn. I was so close to doing something productive too. All that bitching I got from her...and she took it all away. I can always move in with my father, but he has children and I can't deal with any right now...especially since he is so old fashioned. He believes that a woman is like a goat...

They need to be tied up by the leg and watched cautiously.

Fuck that. I am not comfortable living with someone who thinks like that. So...I will do more thinking for now.

Typist block.

I got all my finacial aid out of the way. I am still unsure if I am doing the right thing. I got a warning on Monday when I went back:

"Don't do it, it's a death trap..."

So, what if it is? It's a non-visible death trap...

"Just kidding."

I bet you were, buddy.

Of course, I didn't say anything. I just gave a quick thanks-for-the-info-smile. Worthless. BUT HEY! At least people in here have a good sense of morbid humor.

I am on my way...

There's a lump in my throat.

It hurts.

WHOA!

Salty the Pocketknife are a fuckin' cool band, man.

Oooh yeah...I am falling in love with a voice.



He's right...

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait 'til my ten year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for.

Ran...screamed. I did both. Once or twice. If I make it to my ten year reunion and if it matters then...

I will show those people that I am worth living and not just a waste of space and run and scream all over again.

This time it will be from happiness.

You are ... Blinky

Take the Simpsons Quiz @ Space Monkey Mafia dot com

I like bubbles...





Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype at mutedfaith.com.
[Angel.]

Heh, yeah...



You are Thora
Birch!

You acted in cool movies like:
Ghost World, The Hole, Dungeons & Dragons,
Now and Then and American Beauty.


Take the "Which Hollywood Princess are you?"
quiz @ planetag.de

I dig her glasses...

I saw naked pictures of my old pshychology teacher last night. I was in his home working on his computer. After awhile I was tired and decided to take a breather, so I clicked off the browser and out of nowhere pictures of his naked self started to appear. It was all a blur, but I know what I saw. I was a little embarrassed and backed away from the computer. He looked up and calmly asked me to go back and click the pictures away. Boy, I wished he would have ignored it and pretended like it didn't happen, but no, I was forced to look at them once more. I wish it didn't happen.

So, yeah...I'm glad it was all a dream.

I mean...can you imagine that happening to YOU?

Happy Monday TUESDAY. We're going to be announcing a new partnership and feature to the site this week that's going to make a lot of Blogger users happy and drastically increase the quality of the Blogger service. Update: Sorry, it's been a crazy week, the announcement with the other company didn't get coordinated. Watch this space early next week.

Dammit.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EILEEN!

More college news:

I got everything in...except my parents have yet to do their part. I took the "assesment" test or exam and I did well. Well, that's what I was told. I showed my artwork and my rep. enjoyed it. I spent three hours there...and you know what?

I am HELLA tired. Shit.

Anyway...Happy B-day again...LEENA.

It's not official, but I think I am going to be accepted at Westwood College.

I HOPE SO!

II got a tour and it was diggin' it. A lot. I saw the student's projects. WOW. Man, I said to myself, "I wanna do THAT!" And I do. Badly. I talked to a few people, but I think the Director of Admissions REALLY liked me. Why? Well, other than telling me that she like me...she said that I had some "spunk" when she talked to me on the phone. Man, am I good or what? I sure can fool many people.

Heh heh. No, I don't fool. I don't see myself as a person with "spunk" but I appreciate the compliment (if that's what it was). So, until I get accepted......I am going to tell everyone that I am going to school again.

Surprise.

I don't know what will become of the Tag-board.

I thought long and hard (yeah right) and I decided to leave it there as a anything-goes comment box. Just in case you don't want to post in the new comment box that I have placed below THIS post.

Anyway, it's almost two and I know that I am making no sense. Off to dream!

I am hella bored...that means...quiz time.

Which of the Disney Princesses are you?

i'm a rabbit.what kinda pet are you?
quiz made by muna.

Um...no.

I am 61% CANADIAN!!! (Take the Canadian-ness test)

WOO HOO!!!



I'll take unique and weird...only.

So, I finally got the nerve to do something with my life. I decided to get some info. from Westwood college for two reasons. One, it has graphic designing and multimedian classes and two, it's only ten minutes away from my home. Walking. Maybe less.

I got a letter yesterday asking me to call the director of admissions ASAP, but I didn't. It took me awhile, but I called today instead. I got her machine so instead of leaving my name and number, I decided to send her an e-mail. I got the call at 5:30. We had a nice conversation and at the end of it...she told me that she had just interviewed me and didn't tell me in the beginning because she didn't want to make me nervous. I was already nervous.

So, my mother and I have a meeting with her tomorrow at 10. That is damn early. She is going to show me around campus and a few classes so that I can get a feel of it. I don't know why my mother has to come, but that's cool.

I hope I do well.

I LOVE Hyakugojyuuichi!! and I decided it was time to do MORE reasearch on it. Why? It's my favorite flash of ALL time (or so far). Go Neil Cicierega!

This is from Penmachine.com:

Okay, I played this repeatedly to try to catch all of the lyrics... and almost drove myself insane. However, I did gain a minor measure of understanding (or whatever) from it.

To begin with "Hyakugojyuuichi" means 151: hyaku (pronounced "hee-yah-koo") = one hundred; gojyuu ("go-gee-you") = fifty; and ichi ("ee-chee") = one.

After that, nothing makes sense. The phrases that pop up occasionally (eg. "Found a hobo in my room", "The yodel of life", "Kazoo", etc.) are not the actual lyrics. They are English phonetic interpretations. You've probably guessed that by now.

The people and things that appear (eg. Chris Benoit, Rowan Atkinson, McGruff the Crime Dog, Peewee, Harry Potter, Napster, the singing toy plane, Budweiser, ambulances, etc. etc.) have absolutely nothing to do with anything. Nothing! None of them are mentioned in the song. [By the way, does anybody else think that that's Willem Dafoe with the crazy hair and googly eyes at the end of the song? Or have I truly gone mad?]

The number "151" is the focal point. The singers say it dozens of times and it seems to be the number of iterations of an event that is (or will be) happening. They say that if this event occurs 151 times, it will make them happy. If they dream about it 151 times, it will bring contentment. They think about it constantly. They sing that they are trying very hard to "reach 151". They say that they are looking forward to this event with fervour. The only problem? There is no explanation of what the event is, and why 151 times is the charm. It appears to be a totally random number

Other than that, the lyrics are very hard to make out. It's sung as a novelty/nonsense song (think "Chantilly Lace"), with weird voice inflections and slang. The children's lyrics are almost completely indecipherable, but they seem to echo the adult male's lyrics, verbatim. The words that are recognizable are not strung together in a coherent way. The only phrases I caught that made any sense were "I am thinking properly", "Well, that's it for me", "Whatever it is, I've forgotten", "I've got lots of friends, but I don't remember how many", "I have more friends around here somewhere", and a few others that make my brain hurt trying to translate. Umm... yeah.

Alright, that's it. Screw this. I've listened to this thing on a continuous loop while writing this e-mail. I can't believe I've even written this much about it. I quit!

SO, Hyakugojyuuichi means 151!! I always thought it was someone's strange name. Eh, oh well. I couldn't find much...but I will always be looking for some info. Once in awhile.

Closing the quiz.

How well do you know Cristal?

H i g h s c o r e

1) ME - 100
2) Dork#1 - 90
3) amy - 80
4) Leena - 80
5) Julie - 80
6) Eileen - 70
7) splash - 60
8) hannah - 50
9) Jeremy (not the troll!) - 40
10) Juliette - 40

I just made a fool out of myself.

Ok, so I THOUGHT today was my friend's birthday. Yeah, I am a loser. Sorry about that Eileen, but you have to comprehend that I am a dork like that.

Dork forever! Woo!

I just got the Maladroit CD.

OW! It's rad.

I must say my favorite song so far is American Gigolo. BUT I wonder the reason why people bought the CD. I know the rage right now is the number game. Yeah, my CD is No. 523365 out of 600,000. Anyway, I forgot all about the number thing. I read that some people scattered through the CDs at the store to get the lowest number they can find. I grabbed the first one that I saw and went on with my shopping...

It's Eileen's birthday tomorrow and since she MIGHT read this (doubt it) I am not going to say what I got her. I will tomorrow.

If I feel like it.

Image Posting. Easily upload and post photos (and any other type of file) from within the Blogger editing interface. (Not yet available for Blog*Spot blogs.) I got this from ProBlogger.

I THINK it's that! OH please, please, please!

I want THAT!!!

Happy Monday TUESDAY. We're going to be announcing a new partnership and feature to the site this week that's going to make a lot of Blogger users happy and drastically increase the quality of the Blogger service. Stay tuned.

OH OH OH OH! Um, what is it!!??

Oh yeah...

Blogger shirts.

I want them.

Good morning to me,
Good morning to me.
Good morning, Dear Me,
Good morning to me.

Yeah, I am up early and it feels...eerie.

Getting the new Weezer CD tomorrow.

=w=

I hope I get to.

I just heard the Kelly Osbourne version of "Papa Don't Preach."

It was good, I must say.

I just finished a "collage" of my favorite people.

It's looks grimey, but it's good enough. Since EILEEN won't let me take pictures of her I had to settle with my favorite font and color. She rules, though.

I need to think of a new "collage." Is that how you spell that word?

In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you,
and in your head where it dwells.
I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it.
Let's walk away from this hell.

Say that to me...

Notorious Mafia Leader Bonanno Dead
Joseph 'Joe Bananas' Bonanno, Notorious Mafia Leader, Dead at 97



TUCSON, Ariz. May 12 — Joseph Bonanno, the notorious gangster known as "Joe Bananas" who ran one of the most powerful Mafia groups in the 1950s and '60s, died Saturday. He was 97.

Bananas?

I need food.

Damn those sappy movies. They make me think too much.

I wonder. What will my first kiss be like?

That's right, dammit. I am nineteen and NEVER been kissed. Kinda like that movie with that dorky girl who wasn't kissed until she was twenty-five or twenty-six. Whatever. Still, I find myself thinking and asking the usual questions.

"How will the kiss be like?"
"Who will be my first kiss?"
"What if it's a girl!?"
"How long will it last?"
"Will I be used?"

And other questions that are more idiotic than those.

Take the What Kind of Slacker are you? Quiz



YEAH! Fuck you.

Take the What Type of Friend are
You? quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.
[Me.]

I TRY not too, but it's unevitable, dammit.

Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty

Two dorks? Sounds awesome to me.



Ironic.




What Snack Food are YOU? Click here to find out!

Spongy, yellow, and an utter mystery, you're the X-file of snack foods! More people ponder you than consume you, but you don't mind--you get to remain uneaten and...er...free to do Twinkish things! *grin*

Woo ha!

what adjective are you?

quiz by maikamariel

Of course. Otherwise...I wouldn't be here.

Take the which Silent Starlet are you quiz!

Me funny.

So, I am finally finished. I never thought I'd see the hour.

I accomplished something, but I still feel empty about it. ::sigh:: I never win.

It's looking better than five hours ago. I am disturbingly tired. It's five AM!? Shit. That's it. I need SOME sleep. How can I let a template beat me down like this? Tomorrow, my friend. We shall meet again and I will bring thee into my control.

But until then...

FUCK THIS SHIT.

I'm still looking for a template to fuck around with and be satisfied making it work.

Dammit, this is a PAIN! I Can't get it right!

I FOUND IT!

Burly TV comes to the Superstation
Late night Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Tired of studying, and ready for a latenight TV break? Don't worry, we've got you covered. The Burly Bear Network is the leading cable network dedicated to college-aged audiences. Currently, the network reaches over 5 million students at more than 600 universities.

SHIT, see THAT'S what happens to ME for not going to college. ::frowns::

BURLY TV ON TBS will feature a mix of Burly Bear's trademark original programming, including episodes of the following:


Half Baked, the cult favorite rock 'n' roll cooking show. Upcoming episodes feature host Matt Fry mixing it up with such personalities as Shaquille O'Neal, Uncle Kracker, Lisa Loeb and Diesel Boy.

Imposter, in which comedians manipulate and disturb the public in a hidden camera show about human behavior.

Dave & Steve's Video Game Explosion, featuring obsessive couch potatoes who analyze and bicker about video games.

Celebrity Highway, the animated hijinx of carloads of vicious celebrities. Upcoming episodes feature the Christopher Walkens chasing the Keanu Reeves and the Russell Crowes gunning for the Mel Gibsons.

Movie Junky, with celebrity interviews and skewed movie reviews

I just saw Celebrity Highway w/ Chris and Keanu. It was great!

Burly Bear

I am watching FLASH on TV!!!

Burly TV

Oh SHIT!

::remembers about TMBG on Conan::
::turns off radio and turns on tele::
::changing channel to NBC::
::hears music::
::sees Unwritten Law singing on Leno::
::whispers "Seein' Red"::

TMBG is on in an hour...

Woo hoo.

Which Hacker's Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

Oh shit...

Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

I had a crush on him then and now...

Eh...I don't know.

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

HAHAHA, so true! Uh...wait!

Take the Which Star Wars Character are you mostly likely to get it on with? quiz, by ProtocolDroid.

A like, I tells ya!

I can't get misery out of my mind!



Yeah, while I was watching The Other Half. ::sniff::

"Do you wanna get married or run away..."

"Do you wanna get a life or run away..."

That's better.

They Might be Giants perform Robot Parade on Conan tonight!

That's right! TMBG preview the track from No! tonight. Show starts at 12:30 EST on NBC.

Hmm...They haven't been there since...SEPTEMBER...I think. They rocked last time, too.

Damn this cold. Wait...no!

I'd rather have this shit here than that kidney stone. Oh the humanity. Anythign BUT that. Pleeeeease.

Why, you may ask?

Kidney Stone = PAP SMEAR!

That's right ladies. You know what I am talking about. If you don't...YOU ARE ONE LUCKY FUCKER.

Countdown to my shitty kidney stone.

I HATE this.

Dammit, I hope I don't get it this year.

Am I really able to help anyone?

I mean, I am asked for help all the fuckin' time. Do those people REALLY think I am worth their time? Then, when I do try to help them out...it turns out that I couldn't and THEY make me feel like I wasted THEIR fuckin' time. Shit like this confuses me a great deal. I wish people would just make up their mind.

Or maybe I should make a banner that states:

"IM me if you want, but if you are looking for help...you are better off talking to a chimp."

Something like that.

::yawn::

Bat your eyes girl
Be otherworldly
(What?)
Count your blessings
Seduce a stranger
What's so wrong
With being happy?
(People put you down when you are.)
Kudos to those who
See through sickness
Yeah
(and fuck the ones who don't.)
Over and over
And over and over

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life
Had passed her by
(Everyday, I realize this.)
She called out a warning
(But no one ever listens.)
Don't ever let life pass you by

I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves
Before it's made illegal
(Too late.)
When will we learn
When will we change
Just in time to see it
All come down
(When it all goes away.)

Those left standing
Will make millions
Writing books on ways
It should have been
(Like me.)

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life
Had passed her by
She called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by

Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
To the water starting to boil
Now I flinch and
We all float face down
(Because I am dead inside.)

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life
Had passed her by
She called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
Pass you by

I try.

"Mama said, 'there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this', mama said..."

Not MY momma.

Dammit, no wonder I am a bit screwed up.

Go to Hard Bitter Candy for more Holeness.

HAHAHAHA.

Go Pie, Man!


Take the What Kind of Pie Are You? Quiz!

This quiz was made by KG


Uhh. Good.

You're a dreamer at heart and have a great looking Goblin King. You are everybodies favorite, but most won't except you. What movie are you?

made by


Yeeees.

Delusions.

Jeremy tells me that I must try harder.

So, I finally saw the truth in me. I am telling you, denial is a bitch. I just got sick of looking at myself in the mirror everyday. I'm killing myself slowly...painfully. Torturing my self-esteem. I am torturing myself...mentally and physically.

It's hard to stop my long life addiction. I'm gonna miss food. A lot.

As I wastch a tribute to Layne Staley, I sit here and think about what to do with my life. It's 1:33 AM...Awake with guacamole chip breath in my mouth wanting m