Hmmm, how is it? Think I put too much Christmas stuff?

An update for some stuff that I wrote at work almost a year ago.

The virus that was transmitted in me is no longer there...eating me alive.
I ponder my heart away, wondering how I ended up like this...without you.
Days of the facts have become weary truths.
Still cluttering my mind with thoughts of hate and disgust.
How I remember that day.

The sharp point of a dull pin met my hand. At the same time...I found a companion.
The encounter was painful and releasing.

No one understood why I couldn't let you go.
It's been 17 months since we last touched.
There has been times where I was close enough to touch you once again.
And I did.
Once.

Now, the urge is nowhere near.

"Lying bitch."

I just found my fav. book that I used to read when I was around ten. I remember re-reading it and re-checking it out of the school library. I eventually forgot the name of it until just now.

The Kid Next Door and Other Headaches.

My blood is boiling. Not only did I spend "thanksgiving" alone with my brother (with NOTHING to eat), but Asshole and Bitch (parents) thought it was ok to have a guest over. I HATE it when others are in my room. This room is the only place that I can call my own, but even then I can't. I have to share it with an inconsiderate pushover. I have NO fuckin' PRIVACY!

Reason #1: Ok, the only reason why I looked forward to this day is because of my love for mashed potatoes. I don't really like making them unless the come out of the box. My mother was thinking of spending today with my grandfather, but she changed at the last minute. I wasn't even sure that I was going because I told myself if HE goes I don't. I hate road trips, but I hate them even more when my stepfather has to be in the same air space as me. It's revolting. My aunt invited me, but she has other kids (I REALLY don't want to be around little kids right now) and she was planning to stay over there until Saturday. Hell no. Sinthya called me and asked me to go. I told her that if my mother goes then I would to. I never did.

Reason#2: Bitch, Asshole and my sister left for Asshole's family's dinner party. Of course, they didn't ask my brother and I to go because they knew what we would say. "No." BUT, my mother could have at least left SOMETHING to eat. Everything we have is fuckin' frozen. There was nothing. I eat some packaged soup and Mac with no butter. It was disgusting, but it was food.

Aside from those reasons of being angry (which sound very silly) I had a good time by myself. I like being by myself. I am not responsible for no one and I don't have to depend on anyone. Now that I have this fuckin' kid in my room (DAMMIT I AM VERY PISSED OFF), I am thinking of sleeping in my grandmother's sinful room (yeah, I dislike her too). I can spend the rest of the night reading Goblet of Fire and listening to music. That's beauty right there.

This just in!

Mother: Hey Cris, do you want "turkey"?
Me: (doesn't turn around and shakes head) No.

(turns off TV and walks off towards brother's room)

Mother: Julian, you want some "turkey"?
Julian: No.
Mother: Eat shit, then.

Yes, it's always the same.

I was just trying to play "Greensleeves" on my guitar and as soon as I stopped...

Kenny G started to play it on the radio. ::shudders::

Alright, it has finally published itself. I have NO idea how, but the page that I have been working on for a few hours decided to publish itself with another name than what I had intended. Anyway, I don't remember if I talked about this, but I did make some desktop/wallpaper/background/whatever. Yes, they are all Harry Potter themed, sorry about that, but it was easier to make some from that area.

Anyway, enjoy.

Feelings weakness and death are overpowering my mind. I wonder if one can truly feel death before it comes. My mouth and tongue are hurting with anticipation. What are these bumps forming on my neck? Heh, I think something bit me. Twice. It happens. I have been biting the tip of my neck all weekend. I am not looking forward to anything, so there is no need to feel anxious.

Then there is the ADD deal. What IF I do have that? I want to check with a doctor so that I could stop worrying about it. I am truly falling apart. The lack of bonding with others...it's withering more and more to nothing. Yeah, I will feel differently tomorrow.

I don't know.

There has been NOTHING to speak of. I have just been sick and head filled with air. Hmmm, let's see. Jazz rocks. I don't own anything Jazz and rarely listen to it, but when I do...it's bliss. It's relaxing and it's...Jazz. I can't seem to get into it and I have the URGE to get into it all at the same time. Frustrating.

This should be interesting.

You all remember this episode of The Simpsons!?

MAD and Harry Potter. Awesome.

"Thirty-eight chapters ... might change ... longest volume ... Ron ... broom ... sacked ... house-elf ... new teacher ... dies ... sorry."

Go HERE to find out what this means.

I saw this in my "Random Cynicism" generator today.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it rains. - Robert Frost

Can anyone say... "Black Tuesday?"

Went for another round of shopping.

I got myself more HP stuff. I finally found it. The reason I went to Toys R Us yesterday was to buy this Harry plush doll that I had seen on the net before. I was dissapointed that I didn't find it, but went on to buy other stuff. Well, I went to Walmart with the family and found the doll there! I also found OTHER HP stuff (like the dolls by Mattel!). I only got the plush doll, though. The doll and the CoS CD. About it. Now, I am content. (Don't know why he is doing the disco thing)

A girl by the age of 13 (or it seemed) came over and sniffed the Harry Mattel Doll.

::sniffs a good while:: "Ahhh, he smells good."

Oook. Now see poeple, *I* am not "obssesed." Man, that was kinda...disturbing. Then again, she was a kid. ::shrugs::

Want a laugh!? Check this out.

I went out for a bit of shopping today with my sister.

We went to Toys R Us to find out what was up. We looked in every nook and crack and left with everything Harry Potter (not intentionally). I got us a poster of the trio, a pack of pens and pencils for my sis and I, a Harry Potter Magical Minis Collection for meself and a Hermione Slime Chamber Series action figure for my sis. Oh yeah, I also got the Sorcerer's Stone Trivia Game (10 bucks, yo!). Man, there was so much more, such as the Lego sets, but I am not much with those.

It is now 9:55 PM and I just got back from the theater about fifteen minutes ago. I am telling you...

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was amazing.

My sister and I left home at around 5:30 PM just in case there are a lot of people. We get there, but I feel a little odd, so Sis and I sat next to the water fountain outside (I don't do well with rooms that have a lot of people in it). After a max of two minutes, I decided to just go ahead and go in. "Theater 7...down to your right." I ask sis if she wants anything and we stand there deciding if we want food or not. Ok, this isn't important. Anyway, I started walking towards Theater 7 when I read a sign that said, "The line for Harry Potter starts here." Then I look up and see that a line has already formed. "Drat." Ok, so I wasn't the first one there, but that wasn't my intention. So, I go ahead and stand at the end of the line and I have to stand next to the toilet. I thought about it for a second, but I said what the hell and sat down and started to read my book (Prisoner of Azkaban). An older woman sat next to me and she had brought an HP book too! She brought Sorcerer's Stone. We did talk for a while, on and off, but you know how my people skills are. Not that very good. So, I sat there until everyone started to get up and that was a sign that it was time to go in. A lady walks by and point at me, "Ha-HA, I love your pin! Dork. That's cute... I need one to." Yes, right. After that, I saw a guy from school. He makes me feel uncomfortable and so I HOPED that he wouldn't see me. He went into the bathroom and the line started moving. Thank you.

Some walked, others ran. "Go, go, go!" I heard a mother tell her kids. My sis and I sat in the middle of the theater and waited. They showed some CD-ography thing about George Harrison before they started the movie. As the trailers went by and I heard the Prologue, some started to clap and cheer. I was in awe through out the whole movie. And I will admit that I only shrieked ONCE. Ok? Only once. I fell in love with the sound. It was beyond amazing. My favorite character was Moaning Myrtle. Her cries were both wonderful and eerie. I just LOVED her voice. Humour was awesome too (at least, I think it was). That Rupert. Hermione as a cat! Man, that was...freaky.

The Basilisk wasn't what I expected. I thought it was going to look like a great cobra or python, but it looked like a crocodile/T-Rex head with the body of a snake. Something like that. It was gruesome looking. Ginny didn't get a lot of screen time, I was surprised about that AND of course... some parts were taken out. I was REALLY looking forward for Chapter 13. But no. There was no Valentine's day. Eh, oh well. I would have liked to see that cupid crash Harry to the ground.

As suggested by The Leaky Cauldron, after the movie ended sis and I stayed. "There BETTER be something at the end, Cris." I was starting to doubt that there was. The ushers were already coming in to clean, but I kept myself seated and I saw that a few other people did too. So, the credits ended and I see a book in a window display. It was another book by Lockhart. Lockhart was in a strait-jacket and he was mumbling, acting a little confused and well, insane. The book was called, "Who Am I?" Heh heh, that was great.

I don't feel like writing everything that did or did not happen. If you want to know, read this if you haven't already.

Ah, dammit. It was a GOOD, GREAT night. I want to go back and see it again.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

O WHAT can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has wither’d from the lake,
And no birds sing.

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms!
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel’s granary is full,
And the harvest’s done.

I see a lily on thy brow
With anguish moist and fever dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful - a faery’s child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She look’d at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery’s song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna dew,
And sure in language strange she said -
«I love thee true.»

She took me to her elfin grot,
And there she wept, and sigh’d fill sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

And there she lulled me asleep,
And there I dream’d - Ah! woe betide!
The latest dream I ever dream’d
On the cold hill’s side.

I saw pale kings and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried - «La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!»

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill’s side.

And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is wither’d from the lake,
And no birds sing.

-John Keats

I created this yesterday, but it was too big to send it to myself and I had run out of time. It's an animated poem. The Lady of Shalott has, by far, been my all-time favorite poem.

It's too big for me to post it here...so, yeah click here.

Note: For you fast readers, be patient with it. For the rest of you, you have 40 seconds to read each page. Oh yeah, try not to have anything running. It's a big file (3.8Mgs) and it might look crappier if you do.

Update (11:44 PM): Ok, this shit won't work, so I am going to have to wait until Monday to load the gif into an AOL homepage. Jeeze, this is really embarassing.

It's George's birthday today and I made him a cake. Of course it's not a REAL cake. I couldn't bake to save my own life. I kept fucking up the cake so much with spelling errors and forgetting to clean it up. I have been forgetting a lot lately. For example, there was a special on A&E on J.K. and Rupert on the Leno show. Jeeze, those aren't the only two evens that I have missed.

I need a new brain.

So, George...again. YOU ARE OLD! Happy birthday! ::socks you::

Alas, the banner.

Today was good. I mean it.

I was walking to school when an elder woman who lives on my street stopped her car and complimented on my hair.

Old lady: "Hi, I just wanted to say how lovely your hair is. I noticed it the other day and I just wanted to let you know."

That made me feel good. Then, as I was getting closer to school, an older couple stopped me.

Hubby: "Ah, playing hookie today, eh?"

I thought that was funny, because today most schools got the day off. I did have school, though. So, school was over and when I was on my street my sister's friend's father stopped me.

Him: "Hey, how are you?" *
Me: "I am fine, thank you. How are you?" **
Him: "Oh, I am good. My son tells me that you are a pretty good artist."
Me: ::blushes:: "Oh, thanks, um... well, I didn't know my sister showed him my sketches."
Him: "That's alright, you don't have to be shy about it."
Me: "I know, but I rarely show anyone my work."

Yeah, that gay. It was a good day, though. Like I mentioned before, I got the tickets so that made it rise from 57% good to 63% good. So...yeah, good. (I am super achy all over my body and I feel lighthead. Damn you flu!)

* This man has never spoken to me.
** I NEVER ask someone how THEY are doing. It only adds to the conversation and I am not good with those.

I just picked up the tickets! Zip-zap...done!

I held, felt, sniffed and hid the tickets well.

What Marauder are you?

Created by legomyelfboy with help from goleafsgo

Look! Lupin is wearing a scarf!

THIS explains A LOT.

::drools:: What I'd do for that...

I just bought the tickets for the Chamber of Secrets on Fandango. Woop!

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Release Date: November 15, 2002
Rating: PG - scary moments, some creature violence and mild language
Running Time: 2 hr. 41 min.
Genre: Family
Cast: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson
Director: Chris Columbus

Do my eyes decieve me? 2 hours and 41 minutes!? I hope so!

I relize how much of a burden it is when others pour their problems onto me. Why do people come to me? I don't have the answers, nor the power to make it all disappear. I, too, have problems...yet, others talk to me like I am their own personal magic eight ball. Why do you torture me in such matter? Because you think that I won't ignore you? You think that I would sit here and listen to your woes? If I were someone else, I would tell you to kill yourself just so you would leave me alone. But I can't.

I usually pretend that I care, but your depression gets to me. Just for awhile, but it gets to me. I lay in bed and sometimes I cry because I feel used. Or I sit here and transfer your emotions onto me because I have no knowledge on how to dispose them. You, the ones who seek for help, but don't know how to use it when it is given to you...make me ill. My stomach complains from all the rubbish that you feed me. I beat my brains out trying to figure out what to say. I have a million reasons, but I never transmit them to you because I know that you won't appreciate my kindness and sympathy. I have accomplished to forget about your continuous bitching. That's something that I am proud of because I know that whatever you tell me...it won't matter the next day. It isn't my problem.

Now I know why I want to be alone most of the time. I may not have peace of mind, but I am not filled with your sadness either. I can have great conversations with myself, I won't put myself down for liking or doing the things that I do (unless I know that I deserve it), I won't criticize nor will I kill myself over your idiocy. I have the most wonderful thoughts when I am alone, but your misery usually disturbes them. I can handle most humans. The ones that I am speaking of are the ones that just talk to me when they feel like they want to end their life, and after I try to offer some thoughts...I am completely ignored. I dislike those who think they matter most, overall. For those who believe that I actually care: I only care for a few. If you think it's you...you might be wrong.

"Here she comes to save the day!"

Thanks for the article, George.

The "I-am-not-talking-to-you" bullshit is over between my mother and step father. I'm still mad at them, but I am glad they have "patched" things up. This is going to be MY week and I don't want to be stressing about them.

I just hope this lasts.

Why isn't the movie that comes out next week titled Ron Weasley and the Chamber of Secrets? Why isn't its sequel dubbed Hermione Granger and the Prisoner of Azkaban? Why Harry? What makes him so special

Why? Well gee, ever bother to read the title of the book that you are reading? That might help you out a bit. These stories are about Harry Potter and his past. Adventure, fantasy, you name it.

"Chris Suellentrop" thinks otherwise and will suffer a tragic meeting with the Sandman for his feeble mind. This is why. It seems to me like this "Chris" is bitter about something. "Didn't mommy wuv you, whittle 'Chris?'" Remember everyone, these are STORIES. Right? Right. How about writing about something that REALLY matters. The only ones who understand are the kids. Bless those buggers.

(got the info from the Cauldron)

Oh, the rain! I am sleeping with my window open.

I have almost plucked all of my eyebrows out. There is a possibility that I am cutting my hair, biting my tongue, eating my inner cheeks, cracking my fingers and neck, and plucking my eyebrows like crazy because of some form of stress. I've always done those things, but it's been out of control for the past four weeks. What if it's ADD or that stupid SAD crap?

OCD? Hahaha...Jesus. Just plain stress. I'll take that.

I adore looking at things from a child's point of view. I am always amused by their cartoonish style.

I dreamed of another "someone" last night. It's always strange to dream about caring that deeply for a person that doesn't exist. It's a different face everytime I dream in that way and just when that person starts to get close (i.e. wanting to "kiss" me)...I run away. Like I always do.

I was thinking about how much of an ass I am. Oooo, I am bad.

Anyway, everyone...I apologize, but it is who I am. Just like Mother. I always walk to and from school. Everytime I pass the freeway bridge to school the same song pops up. "and I say to myself, 'what a wonderful world...'" It's...man. Then, when I cross the bridge later that evening I think to myself, "I would have no chance of surviving if this bridge splits." I always look over the bridge telling myself that I have the will to jump, reminiscing old memories, and ignoring the stares that I get everyday.

I always look forward walking through Armsley Square. It's amazing at dusk. All the post lights make it seem like a city in the country. Warm. The street is aching with trees as tall as the houses themselves. Those homes are huge; the average are two stories. Cars rarely pass through and when the coast is clear...I walk through the middle of the street. It's incredible, really. I have been meaning to take pictures. In fact, I think I have, but that was this summer during the afternoon. I'd rather take pictures of the moments that are more stellar and valuable.

As of anything stupid that I have done tonight...

I already regret it (like I always do).

Fuck it. I am going to do it.

Dammit. I am trying my hardest to avoid the temption of carving an X on my skin. I am trying to keep myself from getting an attack, but I feel it...stuck in my throat. I can't handle it anymore. I wish I were more strong, but...I can't do this anymore. My only comfort is biting on a needle. I know that if I just make a little cut, enough to see blood, I will calm down. But if I do, I will do it more often and break my record. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go to anyone. I wan't to tell people how I feel and what's going on with me, deep in my heart, I do. But I can't. It's not my right. I'll regret it and feel ashamed and more hateful towards myself for being so fuckin' weak.

Damn you, bitch! I fuckin' hate you! You ARE weak! You pathetic good-for-nothing whore. Look at yourself. You are ill. Mentally ill. No one can handle you and no one cares. You fat piece of shit. I don't know how you can live with yourself.

Fuck you.

I had to help myself. I wanted to take some pills, but there are none. I avoided the Ny and I had no other choice but to make myself throw up. I needed to get the bad out of me somehow.

Woo hoo!

It is said that someone will die in The Order of the Phoenix. Who do you think it will be? Vote here.

I voted that Neville will die. Yes, I would hate it if he did, but J.K. did say that, "It is dark," and that "There's a bad death in it that I haven't enjoyed writing." Hermione is out of the question for me. She can't die just yet. Same with Ron and Draco. Hagrid is likely to die, but that would suck. Sirus Black? Maybe. The highest vote so far is Dumbledore, but that is only because Richard Harris has died. Professor McGonagall...who would take her place if she did? Professor Snape: I think he was secretly in love with Lily and I doubt he would get killed in TOOTP.

In actuallity, all of them are likely to die. Look at what happened to Cedric. I sure didn't see that one coming.

Ok, I NEED to talk about someone right now. I will admit it and say that I have seen more than half of the Ana Nicole Smith series. During my time with that show, I have come to know and have a life at a character by the name of "Bobby Trendy." I never knew there can be so much...gayness in one person. He stresses the word "gay." I couldn't believe at what I was seeing and hearing the first time Bobby was on the show. His real name is Bobby Trend. I wonder how much it cost for the "Y." He and Howard dislike each other, but you know what? Trendy can be a bigger bitch than a drag queen. Seriously, his claws are longer than, than...well, you get the picture. "I hear Martha Stewart is good, maybe she can help you because over here we only make custom-made, luxurious creations..." and blah, blah, SMACK! I needed to get that off my chest.

Aside from his gay hair and style, his gay voice is what irritates me the most.

Here is an entertaining interwiew with The Boob.

A "male" who wears pink says, "Hey, look at me. I have a pink shirt on." Yeah.

(oh yeah, I am not against gays, just Boob here.)

Ah, wonderful speech about Richard Harris. It was. Just got done with the premiere. Yeah, it's almost two hours long. Sheesh. Anyway, it rocked.

Daniel Radcliffe likes punk music?

Daniel is now really into movies and punk music. If you got to know him, I think you'd find out that Daniel's down to Earth and has very good taste in music. He likes watching the WWF (especially the Rock) and The Simpsons on TV, and names science as his favorite school subject -- "probably because I'm good at it," he says. He's also good at composing "dirty ditties, and also "I like listening to music. I like keeping fit. I run, I run a lot. I do pressups and things I'm into old punk rock like the Sex Pistols, Iggy Pop, The Clash, The Stranglers and The Undertones. I can't really say I like the tunes but I just like the..." (attitude) "I just love original punk rock now, not so much the new stuff although the Hives are good. I like the Sex Pistols, the Undertones, the New York Dolls, the Stranglers, those kind of things."

Well I'll be a chimp's bitch...he does.

Dirty dities? Bahahahahaa. Those are fun to make up.

(I feel like a bopper all over again. Oy)

Oh yes! I forgot to mention that you can watch the CoS premiere in London now! Just go to the Official Site.

I am watching right now and well...there are a lot of english girls screaming, "Potter, Potter, Potter!" Hahaha. God, I can't wait for the movie. I am taking my sister and making* her wear my scarlet red scarf so that she can match with my mustard scarf. Heh, yeah...Gryffindor colors. 11 more days!

*I don't have to make her wear it. She wears it without asking me.

I was watching AMC when I came across another Harry Potter update. They showed a few clips (some I have seen before), but they showed the one that I have been wanting to avoid since this summer. There was Gilderoy trying to "fix" Harry's arm, but instead of mending his bones, he made them dissapear! I screamed when I saw that wobbly arm of Harry's. All squishy and...boneless. I don't like to see broken or badly shaped arms. One of the many phobias that I have.

"Show me the damn SLUGS, anything BUT Harry's boneless arm!" Ick. It was GREAT, though. I say, screw everyone like me and go on with the show.



"Scary moments, Some creature violence and mild language."

Last year, it was "fatass" or should I say, "faht-ahss." I wonder what's new this year.

I have seriously shutdown. People want me to be a bitch...fine. That's what they are going to get. I have tried to be "nice," "kind," and "polite" for the most part of my life. It has only given people a free pass to treat me like shit.

So, fuck you all.

Dad, you have always claimed that "if it wasn't for your mother leaving me, you guys wouldn't be in this situation." and "but I have to let it go and forget about it." But see, DAD, that's the thing. YOU HAVEN'T LET IT GO. God, you sound like I do. You have told me more shit than anyone I know. You have told me things that I SHOULDN'T know. Do you know what you told me when I called you that day to tell you that my uncle had died? You said, "don't let depression get to you." Then I told you that I've BEEN depressed since you and mother were together and you acted like you were shocked. Then you went on telling me that is was my grandmother's fault. So the fuck what!? *I* called YOU to help me heal a better because MY UNCLE HAD DIED. FUCK. Remember that day I told you that my mother had drunk gasoline? You confessed to me that you had hit my mother before. All those years that you claimed not to have touched her went down the crapper. It’s not like I didn’t remember you hitting her. I remembered you thrashing her in the couch and throwing money at her and telling HER to shut up because SHE was making me cry. I was only five, dad. I love you, but you piss me off.

Mom, you ungrateful whore. You sure can be a bitch when you want to. Telling ME that I am unfit to take care of myself? Fuck you, you pill-poppin' shit. See me? I am just like you. Self-centered, ignorant, uptight, a hypocrite, too fuckin’ sensitive and a big bitch. Haha, you call me crazy? Look at you! You fuck; you have tried to kill yourself how many times now? I recall four times, but I bet there are more! I told you that Sin left her home and you said, "Really? Man, these kids don't know what they are getting themselves into," and shook your head like she had sinned. But remember you did the same thing, right? Remember? You were supposed to take me to Sin's graduation. Whoops? Did you forget? Oh no, wait. You left us. Without saying shit, you left us. Ohhh, and that time you drank gasoline! Wow, that was fun. You could care LESS that I tried to help you. I cried for your fuckin' idiocy like many times before. I remember when George came into our home. After, hmmm...a week? Yeah, that week you took us away from our father. Yeah, that's it. YOU HAVE NEVER CARED about OUR NEEDS. You know that I take pills, you KNEW that I used to cut myself. You told everyone and let them call ME names. You made me cry everyday of my life. Do you know why I won't leave this hellhole? Because of my sister. If it weren’t for her and my morals, I would NEVER be home. I'd be out there fuckin' guys, shooting up and destroying my life. You never thought of that, huh? Actually, you have. You just don't give a rip.

David, you are just a fuckin' pig. YOU KNOW that your drinking and gambling pisses Mother off, but yet...you continue to do it. Why? Because you are IGNORANT. All day, you sit in your Lay-z boy, watching your precious TV and ignoring Mom. You are too…you know what? Fuck you.

George, my first stepfather. Oh yes, how can I forget you. How can I forget you slapping my mother. How can I forget you making fun of me constantly. How can I forget you burning our stuff after we left you. Thank you for all those scarring memories. My mother feared you. I hated you.

Video Clerk Guy. Remember me? Yeah, remember when I was eight and I was looking for a movie with my friend. Then you took us all the way in the back and “showed” us the Halloween movies. Remember yourself grasping my breast tightly? Clenching it, digging your nails in, and telling me what a great movie Halloween was. Hey? Did you happen to touch my friend too? I wouldn’t remember since you were fuckin’ harassing me. I pretended like nothing happened and I bet you liked that. After that happened, I left and went next door where my mother was washing in the Laundromat. I brought her back and I BET your heart jumped then, huh? Thinking that I had told. Guess what? I did forget it happened. I forgot all about it until I was sixteen. The day I remembered was the day I started to mutilate my skin. It was dirty. I had dirty skin because of you.

Pool kid? Oh yeah, I remember you. I was only five, right? You looked around 15 from what I remembered. Remember this lady trying to teach you and I how to swim? I remember her leaving me alone at the deep end. I was drowning while she was laughing. Then, that bitch left me alone with you. You were swimming after me and touched my vagina. At five, what did you think you were going to get? You wouldn’t leave me alone, though. You kept touching me until I had to get out of MY grandmother’s pool so that you would leave me alone. I hope you and Video Clerk Guy live the last days of your life thinking about your disgusting selves.

All the fucks that have ever made fun of me and hurt me can get fucked by a 12-inch cock .

You all make me want to kill myself.

I decided to block everyone (AIM) except for my cousin and aunt (emergency purposes).

All people do is piss me off. I need a break. Some have no fault, I just need some time for myself. "Well, why do you sign on, then?" This is the only way I can have my relatives IM me. It's one of those "just in case" deals. I've done this before (very poorly), but this time I REALLY have to be agressive about it. Plus I never even talk to half of the people on my lis-

Wait.

Alright, they are all gone. I delete more people than I add.

Kingdom Hearts
if I be good
$49.99

I just saw that on a post-it on my desk. Damn sister.

Becareful about what you say. I like to embarrass. :-D

GEIV87: Man, you're confusing
I am Oxie Moron: no I am not
I am Oxie Moron: (muaha, yes I am)
GEIV87: You shower every 3 days, you wear the same old clothes, you love bed hair, you're the perfect grungy-ass girl...
GEIV87: Yet you cover your freakin' MOUTH when you TAWN?
GEIV87: ...
I am Oxie Moron: Yes?
GEIV87: YAWN*
I am Oxie Moron: Hahaha
GEIV87: :P
I am Oxie Moron: It's the tooth
GEIV87: ?
I am Oxie Moron: tooth = truth
GEIV87: Heh

Pffft. I shower more than what he says, though. Fucker.

Since it's the first of November, I will make a confession:

I want to feel some form of infatuation. (that was bad)

Note: I changed my mind. (11/1/01 at 3:10 PM)