"Cristal, why don't you ever IM?"

Simple reason: I don't like to bother others.

There are times when I do feel like just saying "hi," but what if that person is busy... I would just be getting in the way. Then there are other times when I really have nothing to say. I spend my time coding, reading or checking things out. I lose a lot of contact this way, but I'm used to that. I delete more people off my lists than add in. Sometimes I feel bad that others take their time to IM me when I never do the same for them.

It's hard to get my attention! So, don't think I hate you if I don't IM you. If I hated you, I'd humilate you in my blog first and then block you. :-D

From the latest Bumpin' Uglies news:

The last ugly

We are sad to announce that Jeremy Fritschy, our bassist and good friend has chosen to pursue other goals. His musical talents, stage presence, and sense of humor will be missed sorely. Our last show will be at The Cobalt Cafe in Canoga Park, California on Sunday, February 2, 2003.

The future of Bumpin' Uglies is unknown at this time, but doubtful. There may possibly be a release of some of their unrecorded material to date. Dave Krogle and James Dolan will be continuing their musical careers so keep checking back here to see what's going on.

We sincerely thank all of you for supporting us these last 5 years. We had some damn good times with some damn good people. You are what kept it going for so long. Cheers...

Aw, nerts.

I wonder how many people would come in here if I posted...

chunkylover53@aol.com

Which I did... twice. You know, it's been weeks since that episode aired. I'm just wondering if people are still checking it out. I know a few who have e-mailed "Homer." Heh heh.

Today I was told that Michael Jackson has forbidden any restaurants to sing "Happy Birthday" because he owns the rights to that song...

I tired to look for some back-up to that, but I had no luck. I do have this to say: He owns some Beatles songs and he might own this one.

I am getting sick. I can't breathe that well OR stop sneezing. ::groans::

Oh yeah, I might get to meet Erik this Sunday unless "something suddenly comes up." I still have to decide whether to go somewhere or hang out in my room. I think Starbucks might be good, no? I dunno if my parents are going to be home. Should I buy stuff to eat? Ah, jeeze. I dunno. I am so bad at this stuff. I hope Eileen is with me. I can be such a mess.

I saw the art cover for the "Chamber of Secrets" DVD, but I was too busy to post it.

I am on break now, so here it is!

Note to self: STOP publishing on a MAC. It screws you over, you idiot!

Weekly referrals:

buy the simpsons comics for 99 cents and free shipping
"harry potter" "phoenix watch"
Daniel Radcliffe tagboard
http://thefineline02.blogspot.com (5)**
http://suicideblog.blogspot.com
oxymoron (3)
"Harry Potter sex" <---this needs to STOP.
oxie moron
http://whatdidyousay.blogspot...._01_whatdidyousay_archive.html
another name for a moron <---Cristal
Daniel Radcliffe - interwiew (2)
Leaky Cauldron comments
interwiew met Emma Watson

**This person linked me and posted: This is exactly how I feel on the phone!!!!

My Imood.com history:

abandoned 1
accomplished 1
achy 4
agitated 1
alone 1
aloof 1
amused 2
angry 2
angsty 1
annoyed 2
antisocial 2
anxious 5
apathetic 1
awesome 1
bad 1
better 1
bored 2
braindead 1
broken-hearted 1
burned-out 1
changed 1
cheerful 1
cheesy 1
cold 2
concerned 1
cool 1
crampy 2
creative 4
crummy 1
damned 1
dead 1
depressed 1
dirty 1
disappointed 3
disconnected 3
disgusted 1
distant 1
distracted 1
disturbed 2
dorky 5
down 2
drained 1
ducky 1
eh 1
emotionless 1
excited 2
exhausted 1
fatigued 1
festive 1
feverish 1
freezing 2
frustrated 2
full 1
giddy 1
groovy 3
high 2
hollow 1
hopeful 2
hot 3
hungry 1
hurt 1
independent 1
insignificant 1
itchy 1
jubilant 1
loopy 1
melancholy 3
mellow 4
musical 1
nauseous 9
nerdy 1
nonchalant 2
ok 1
optimistic 1
peeved 2
pissed off 2
playful 1
pmsy 3
pooped 2
queasy 1
quirky 1
relaxed 1
restless 1
satisfied 2
sentimental 2
serene 1
shaken 1
sick 3
sleepless 1
sleepy 3
sluggish 2
smart 1
smelly 1
sorrowful 1
spunky 2
stoked 2
stressed 2
sullen 1
sweaty 1
tearful 1
thrilled 1
tired 3
ugh 1
unhappy 1
unmotivated 1
upset 1
upside-down 1
warm 3
weak 4
weary 4
withdrawn 4
woozy 2
worn 1
worried 2
worthless 2
zesty 1
zoned 3

And nauseous takes the cake! That's how I feel right now. That and queasy.

"Love... I get so lost... sometimes..."

::sigh:: That song still rocks.

I remember wanting to see "Say Anything" when I was a kid just to see that part when John Cusack lifts that boom box over his head while this song plays. I still love that part.

I can't stop biting (chewing) the tip of my tongue.

I just got an e-mail from a friend that I haven't seen in over a year and I haven't talked to in six or so months.

Hey!!! Don't ask why I write to you after like a fucking year!!! lo que paso es que no tenia internet, well, I still don;t but, its my uncle, I just wanted to say hello, para que no digas que ya te olvide!!!!! I hope your doing really good. Cuando tenga mas tiempo te cuento mas cosas.
Adiossssssssssss!!!!!!

Yep, my friend, Viri (picture on your left), had moved to Georgia after her guy died in a car accident. I still remember the call. Of course, she needed a break, so she headed towards a new life. I haven't heard from her since until now. Oh yeah, SHE has my Simpsons Season 1 DVD! Ahhhhhrgh. I miss it, but I am not in a big hurry. She will give it to me sooner or later. I still need to get the other seasons.

Tired! That's me. I only got three hours of sleep yesterday and I have been up since 6 AM. Like always, I freak out when something new comes up, but as soon as I go through with the deal... I adapt quickly. I will say one thing...

Dreamweaver kicks boo-tay!.

Seriously. It is so much simpler than doing everything yourself. Now... I have to make up the work. In HTML. God, I am so glad that I spent four months doing nothing but sleep, eat and breathe my computer. It's paying off now.

I am very angry. I hate it when my routine is changed so... spontaneously. I was feeling crappy in the morning since I only had about 3 hours of sleep and now... I feel like shit+dissapointment. Two weeks. I have to make up two weeks worth of work. Ah, hell!

Haha. I complain too much.

I was just told that I haven't been attending a class that I DIDN'T know I had.

This bites. Now I have missed almost three weeks worth of lessons. I dislike being behind. You know what else? My first class is from 8-11 AM and my now SECOND class will start from 2:10-5 PM. THIS SUCKS. I have a three hour gap in between. I was suggested of getting a job in school. Now that isn't a bad idea, but what am I going to do? I have only been here since June and haven't really done that much. I wouldn't mind helping others in Photoshop, though. That might be neat.

I feel like crap.

Ugh. I feel like SHIT. Fuckin' Disney Juice.

I got my chair today! My other old, crappy chair gave in on Friday and I had to sit on one our diner table chairs. Hard peice of crap. My father and I went over to Staples to see what we could come up with. After a few ass warm-ups, I decided to take this big, comfy chair home. I looked at the price and hesitated, but my father didn't care (he was paying for it). I called someone to get us the uh, "product" and while my father and I waited we saw a sign:

"We can assemble your chair for $5 extra."

My father thought it was a good idea, but I told him that I could do it. The damn chair was $69.99 already, WHY bother to pay for something that can be done on your own. No, it's crap. We went up to pay at the cash register and as my father swiped that card, the cashier said a couple of numbers. At first I thought he gave out my father's pin code, but... that isn't really possible. I mean, it COULDN'T be the price. I just read that it was practically $70 PLUS tax. I took the cart over and while I was pushing I asked my father what the number was. He told me it was the price. When I heard him, I crashed into a display table... knocking a few items. Doy, I am such a dork, BUT I couldn't believe the price. It cost him around $50. I was happy it didn't wind up costing too much. Took $20 out. Very good, indeed.

I planned to assemble the chair myself, but knowing Father... he wasn't about to let me. It took us anywhere from 30 minutes to an HOUR trying to build this thing. I guess it was due to the fact that we were trying to build something in the dark. Not much help there. While trying to build this, all father was saying was, "Five dollars. Five dollars." JEEZE, I get it. Like I said, WHY pay for something you can do yourself? Use those five for gas money or something. Well, after a struggle, we got the thing going. It's neat and... mmmmm. Feels good on me arse. I found a picture too! Uhh, it says it costs $49.94, so maybe I didn't luck out. ::shrugs::

Situations Black Fabric Manager's Chair - Feature larger seats and backs than task chairs. Perfect for anyone who sits most of the day.

That's me! Yep, I am officially the manager of my room.

Oh yeah. SOMEONE was supposed to call today. Actually, he did call... but late. Hahaha. I called back, though. Damn you, Erik. I had major anxiety since I don't expect calls and stuff. I get nervous when my FRIENDS call. I bet they don't know that, though. I usually start talking too fast and make no sense. I guess I dislike that silent moment when there is nothing to be said and feel forced to say something stupid like, "I fell on my face today." So, other than going to the store, I just lounged today starting a new game of Kingdom Hearts. I've only won the game once. Can you tell I used a lot of caps in here?

Ugh, my stomach still hurts. I really don't want to make myself puke. I am tired of that.

My brother came over, looking bummed out. I knew something was up. He just sat on my bed for a while before he told me that he got in a car accident yesterday after school. Jesus, I was surprised. But since I am an idiot, I asked if the cops came or how the car turned out INSTEAD of asking how he was. He looked alright, just tired and down. The car was totaled and the cops never came. He crashed into some janitor at school, so he was safe. Parked the car as best as he could and got a ride to the janitor's workplace so my brother could call my uncle. The car was towed. My brother is very lucky. VERY. Especially since he has no insurrance OR liscense. I am sure he feels like shit right now. Ever since my mother...

He's good, though. He is stronger than I am.

Oh yeah! I am learning the tabs for 3 Libras. I listened to the song for.... 10 or so hours straight yesterday and I just decided to try and learn it a few hours ago. I have the idea down, but since I get so nervous when I am learning something new I can't do it straight. Sounds great, though! I can't believe I got it down this fast since it usually takes me a few days to get something down (poorly). For those of you who know this song, know that 3 Libras has beautiful notes.

Today, Gabriel Estrada, 18, will appear in Kenosha County court to face attempted first-degree intentional homicide charges for allegedly leaving his newborn son to die in a portable park toilet hours after the baby's birth on Jan. 13.

More here.

I didn't mention it, but there was an X bust in NY.

January 22, 2003 -- Harry Potter's image was stamped on "ecstasy" pills brought to New York by a drug-smuggling ring busted by U.S. and Spanish investigators, authorities said yesterday. The 14 suspects charged in the United States are accused of smuggling 400,000 of the pills - called "Harry Potters" - from Holland. A law-enforcement source said marketing the pills with Harry Potter's image is a natural at raves - all-night dance parties featuring electronic music.

"This is the latest thing now," said the source.

"If you think about it, at raves there are 12- and 13-year-olds."

Fourteen members of the ring were charged in an indictment handed up in Brooklyn federal court. The pills were smuggled from Europe by couriers from Spain, the Dominican Republic and the United States, most coming through Kennedy and Newark airports, authorities said. Thelma Vicente Piña, a Bronx woman, was the highest-ranking member of the ring in the United States and among eight American residents charged, prosecutors said.

A picture was posted of one of the imprinted HP X.

I... am in love.

(thank god for phases)

Watched a bit of CNN and heard that a four-winged dinosaur fossil was found in China. Crazy shit, huh? There has got to be millions of other species and such that haven't been found yet.

I mean, hamsters weren't discovered until the 1930s. I think... um, yeah. Something like that. I am a DITZ!

(Couple of minutes later):

A-ha! I KNEW it! History of the Hamster.

Late referrals:

emma watson interwiew
COLDPLAY DESKTOPS
blog hate pissed-off fucking asshole
hermione granger vagina
+"chap stick" +europe +orange
indigo people thoughts
RICHARD HARRIS HABBO NEWS
crack pour harry potter TM
does emma watson and rupert grint kiss on their lips in one of the ha (ha- what?)
moving reindeer
why does java have to be so fuckin annoying

There you go.

So, I just listened to the whole CD... and I have a new favorite song.

As soon as I popped the CD in my player I started to read the back of the CD case when I read "Ugly Wife (if you wanna be happy)." I quickly skipped all the other songs hoping it was a cover of an all-time favorite song of mine (since I was a kiddie). It was! Their version is awesome and they add "Bumpin' Ugly girl" and other stuff in the lyrics. I posted the original by Jimmy Soul and the Bumpin' Uglies version.

If You Wanna Be Happy by Jimmy Soul

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you (x2)

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he married her and then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
A-you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ug-a-ly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Spoken:
Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you (x4)


Ugly Wife by Bumpin’ Uglies

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
And so for my personal point of view
Get a Bumpin’ Ugly girl to marry you (x3)

A pretty woman makes a man look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her
She’ll start doing things to break his balls
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
You’ll be happy for the rest of your life
She’ll always cook your meals on time
And she’ll always treat you kind

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
And so for my personal point of view
Get a Bumpin’ Ugly girl to marry you (x2)

Don’t let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyways
Her face is ugly; Her eyes don’t match
Take it from me, she’s a perfect match

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
And so for my personal point of view
Get a Bumpin’ Ugly girl to marry you (x4)


You can listen to the original song here!

Ok, Sin has been asking me if I got something in the mail, then she tells me that she got me something (dammit, I got her nothing). Anyway, so I checked for some mail today and saw nothing. I was about to go back in my room when I decided to check outside and I saw the package. Of course, it was for me from Amazon.com. I quickly looked for my x-acto and started to tear through it.

Now before I say what it is, I had a hunch that it was going to be a CD. A Carlos Mencia CD, one of my favorite comedians. Ok, so I opened the package and I saw the a CD shaped box. I read the card first, of course:

Heh heh, guess who this is from!!!
Ha ha ha... just a little something
to the best cousin in the world!!

So, after I read that I opened it and I was CERTAIN that I was gonna get the Carlos Mencia CD... but I didn't. I got Ridiculosis! It's the CD I have been wanting since Feb. by one of my favorite bands, Bumpin' Uglies! GOD, this is like 100x5 to the 8th power better than a Carlos Mencia CD. I screamed and jumped up and down before I realized what I had in my hand and jammed that CD into my player. I am soo happy.

Thanks Sin! YOU are the best cousin in the entire history of cheese.

I piss on the tagboard!

Some news on who will be playing Tom the Bartender off PoA from The Cauldron.

I always pretend that I am speaking with someone. Gets me through stuff.

Well, just now I pretended to show someone this scar on my right calf. I’ve had this scar since I was eight or so. I got it from my mother. At first I was pretending to show off my scar like any other body mark, but just as I was making a joke about it I had a little flashback. I saw my scar as fresh as the day it happened. It was purple and black… still bleeding from the whipping my mother gave me. The funny thing is I don’t remember why she decided to do it. She used an electric cord; I’m not sure from what appliance. I can still see the glistening blood peeking through my black and purple bruise. I can see myself crying and I had no idea why I was being punished.

I remember one time my mother beat the crap out of me at age four and then apologizing soon after by hugging me and rocking me to sleep. It was confusing. I remember a lot of things. Most of those memories consist of my mother beating one of her children. She did the same bullshit to my brother and sister. I really don't want to have children of my own. I fear that I will turn into the monster that she is and sometimes I feel empathy for those who get beaten. I know there are different levels of "abuse," but a beating is a beating and regardless of the amount of pain that is conflicted on someone, that person is traumatized for the rest of their life. Whether it was a big deal or not.

Some more news from The Cauldron

Casting Confirmations

An extremely reliable, never-steered-me-wrong source says that Gary Oldman will indeed play Sirius Black, David Thewlis will indeed play Professor Lupin and Pam Ferris will indeed play Aunt Marge. There may be more confirmations on the way. Stay tuned.

Gary Oldman
David Thewlis

We already knew about Pam Ferris playing Aunt Marge.

Looks good so far.

I hate people. Most, anyway. Regardless... I hate them. I don't understand the action of killing others. Yeah, I want to kill someone when I am angry, but I know better than to do the actual deal. It's stupid and takes you nowhere. I can get the same results if I MOVE away from whom ever is pissing me off at the moment. I mean seriously... Take your HEAD out of your ASS and THINK for a change.

Or do me a favor and just damage yourself.

There is confirmation on the release of the "Chamber of Secrets" DVD and that will be on the 11th of April 2003!

Among the additional scenes are "more Dobby mischief, more flying car adventure and a frightening encounter with the Malfoys in Borgin and Burkes." There will also be interviews with Daniel Radcliffe (Harry), Rupert Grint (Ron), Emma Watson (Hermione) and other cast members who talk about making the film, favorite scenes, and more, and on the DVD-ROM, you'll be able to access a history of Hogwarts.

News from The Cauldron.

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Damn straight I am shit.

Pictures are in! Warning: this is a VERY bad digi cam. Eech.


...I will wear these (hopefully not soon).


The answer is always in front of you.


No way in hell.


Part of being a dork.


I was trying to play something with G. "G" for "GOD, that sucks."


My throne. My window to the outside world.


I love him!

When I said bad... what I really meant was shitty beyond all reason. And these were the best ones that we could come up with (we tried many times before we settled with a decent shot). Sin, this cam is BAD. If I ever get one... not only will it be better than that lady's, but the pictures will be funnier. Thanks!

Had a great weekend.

Friday: Ok, it started off bad. Mostly because I was getting sick, but Sin arrived at night and that made me feel better. Caught up with the latest news and whatnot. I also got my CDs back! Oh, Juliana Theory, how I missed thee. (I forgot to mention that Sin burned me a copy of John Mayer's "Room for Squares!" Thanks!)

Saturday: Spent the morning watching TV (MADE: The Sly Caps). Since everyone else was gone we lounged in the living room. After a few hours we started to get ready just in case I convinced my parents to take us to the mall. And I did. We went to various stores… mostly to look. Spencer’s is always awesome, but I never seem to want to buy anything from there. Hot Topic. I still had about $26 left in my gift card so we went in to spend it. We looked around for a long while (HT is not the same for us as it was back in 99) and I ended up buying myself a pin (Mario), a pair of socks (black and white), black rubber bracelets to hide my wrists, and a puppet! I called him Miso Kittie (say it out loud and you will sorta hear Mr. Kitty). It’s furry-gray with green eyes. I walked around with him most of the time we were at the mall. Imagine watching someone like me talking to a puppet. I already added a tie and this pin that I never wear because that is what I do. If I don’t use something… my toys will. Anyway, we got out of there and headed for KayBee. I looked for Harry Potter stuff, but didn’t find much. We looked at those dancing hamsters (I have one) and I still think they are awesome. Not sure what we did after that. I think… oh yeah. We went to some girly store to see if I could buy my sis something. I got her some Spongebob hair bobby pins. Those are neat. Nothing But Silver was next. I used to buy rings from that store all the time, but I don’t wear them anymore. They still have neat stuff, though. I got tired of looking so I went outside and waited for Sin to purchase her ring. While I was standing there, I looked down and watched the people walk by. I saw a man picking his nose and another man trying to hide his bald spot. Then some people started to wave from the other side of the second floor (adjacent from me). I could see them, but I didn’t look up. I assumed it wasn’t me they were trying to get a hold of, but since it continued, I slightly looked up before they gave up and left. I didn’t know who they were. After that we probably went to some other girly stores before we headed for Borders. We looked around for about an hour or so. The first thing I looked for was anything Harry Potter, but then I remembered that I still didn’t have the third Simpson’s episode guide book, so I ran after that (Ack, I haven’t even read it!). We made our purchases and headed back to the mall. For our “last stop” we went to the Woman’s Plus store. Yeah, for us fat girls (only Sin isn’t fat… she just has huge knockers). Anyway, I don’t buy anything every time I check out that store, but I decided to buy a sweater. I am tired of thick bulky ones. After I tried on a few sweaters, I bought two of the same (gray and tan). They are neat! They fit right and stuff. Sin and I were tired, so we went over to the food court to get us some drinks. Mother called and asked if we were done with the shopping and we decided to leave since the mall was closing and we were VERY tired. Got home, looked at our new stuff and slept late. Good day.

Sunday: Sunday started out slow. I woke up early and Sin woke up late. We ate and watched TV until around 3. Sin craved Chinese food so we got ready and headed out to the nearest Chinese place. We took her digital camera “just in case” we might need it (heh, I had plans). We spent a good while in the Chinese place since we ordered a lot of food. After we were done we went straight to Rite Aid. We looked at hair and skin products… girl crap. We looked at the Valentines stuff, too. Sin turned on all the stuffed animals that sang stupid songs like “Wild Thing.” Ugh. Then it was time to take some pictures, but Sin didn’t want to. She was hesitant.

Her: I don’t think we can take pictures here.
Me: Why not! I’ve done it before!” (I lied)
Her: We can’t take pictures of the merchandise!
Me: C’mon! I’ll do it.

I took a picture of her and this unicorn that she liked. After that, she calmed down and we took a bunch of other pictures (I will post them later IF Sin gets them loaded anytime this YEAR). She didn’t want to be in them, so I was the lab rat in her gags. It was awesome. It was already dark outside and her boyfriend was due to pick her up in an hour so we stopped and headed for the cash register to make my purchase. I am still not sure about this, but this is what happened:

Cashier: Hello gorgeous.
Me: Hello.
Cashier: How are you tonight?
Me: Fine, thank you.
Cashier: I looked at you and thought, “Wow, she is gorgeous, but then I saw your pin and it said ‘dork’ and I thought… ‘Oh no, she is NOT a dork!’”
Me: Nah, I AM a dork.
Cashier: Aww. Well ladies, you be careful out in the dark. You two beautiful ladies might need a bodyguard out there.
Me: Heh, right.
Cashier: Good night, ladies!
Us: Night!

The thing is… this cashier was a big, white woman. I was HOPING that she was being VERY nice. Sin and I left there laughing uncomfortably after that.

“I should have asked her.”
“Asked her? Asked her what?”
“If she was a lesbian.”

(I also forgot to mention that the cashier winked at Sin. Right, Sin? ;) Isn't that right?)

Sin, I don’t think I have this down correctly… so refresh my memory, but this did happen, right? Oh god. We got home and took some more pictures (mostly of me since she didn’t want to be in them) before Steven came and took Sin back home. I think I scared that kid. Heh heh.

Me: Hey you. How are you?
Steven: I’m fine. How are you?
Me: I’m…good. Hey, I came here to yell at you.
Steven: Huh? Wh-why?
Me: Nah, I’m just kidding.

I felt like I scared him up a bit. More like worried him. That was bad.

Phew, like I said…had a great weekend. I’m pretty sure other stuff happened, but it’s five AM. My memory is gone. Thank God for Blogger.

Ok, someone wants to meet me. Known this person for a couple of months and seems decent enough to "risk myself" and accept his request. He's older than I am... about seven years older. We have a lot in common, so I doubt that I'd be bored if I do decide to meet him. IF. I am a bit... cautious. The closest to this I have ever come across to was speaking with someone on the phone that I met off the net (guy was from North Carolina). Anyway, this person claims that he just wants to meet and nothing else. He only claims. Anyone can be incognito when it comes to the Internet.

It's weird meeting someone in person that you met off the net first. That person only knows you for your words and not... your looks. Of course, the meeting place should be public. I am still not sure. There's dissapointment in this. I won't let people see me. That is why I wear fake glasses; People can't see my true face with them. I can't stand the fact that someone can see me, study or be around me. It's intimidating.

I am tired. I want to lay down and take a “nap,” but I know what would happen if I do. I can hear The Bitch in my head every time I want to sleep. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t feel like drawing, reading or playing my guitar. I already did that today. Music wasn’t helping either. I listened to my “Make Yourself” CD a couple of times, but not even the lyrics of Incubus could better my emotions. I just had her in my mind.

I thought about calling a friend, but then I told myself, “How sad are you? Only calling your friend when you feel like shit. No, forget it.” And I did. So, I carried on with my plan. I picked up Xavier.

I sat on the floor dragging him across my wrist. I felt something the first few times, but it got to the point where I started to feel absolutely nothing. I was falling asleep during the deal and I stopped before I seriously injured myself. I was worried that I would go over the limit. (I know it sounds insane)

I am still tired and I still want to lay down and take a nap. But if she finds me asleep…

See, she only sees me as lazy. Forget the fact that I am not getting the right kind of sleep or that I am constantly achy when I DO NOTHING. Not enough vitamins and no insurance to see a doctor; It’s not good. I want her to leave me alone. I don’t bother her in any way and I wish she would do the same for me.

Kid... I still think you WOULD look good in a pink t-shirt.

I found some excerpts off The Order of the Phoenix:

“The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square houses of Privet Drive … The only person left outside was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flowerbed outside number four.”

Later in the novel, J K Rowling writes:

“Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.

‘It is time,’ he said, ‘for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry.

Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything.’”

Damn teasers.

It's official! Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is due on the 21st of June 2003!

You can read a post from the Cauldron here.

I can't wait!

From: SinisaDork@aol.com | This is Spam | Add to Address Book
Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2003 03:57:38 EST
Subject: My conversation to a not so there Kris...
To: ZephyrousDream@yahoo.com

Sin is a Dork [12:53 AM]: are you free this weekend
Sin is a Dork [12:53 AM]: ???
Sin is a Dork [12:54 AM]: ???
Sin is a Dork [12:54 AM]: ???
Sin is a Dork [12:54 AM]: ???
Sin is a Dork [12:54 AM]: ???
Sin is a Dork [12:54 AM]: ??
Sin is a Dork [12:54 AM]: are you there???
Sin is a Dork [12:54 AM]: guess not
Sin is a Dork [12:55 AM]: you are probably taking a dump
Sin is a Dork [12:55 AM]: or something
Sin is a Dork [12:55 AM]: or maybe picking those hard to reach boogers
Sin is a Dork [12:55 AM]: get them some life insurance please
Sin is a Dork [12:56 AM]: they are bungi jumping
Sin is a Dork [12:56 AM]: !!!!
Sin is a Dork [12:56 AM]: ok well just email me
Sin is a Dork [12:56 AM]: if you are free
Sin is a Dork [12:56 AM]: ask your mom if i can come over this week end
Sin is a Dork [12:56 AM]: and just incase your computer froze i will email this to you
Sin is a Dork [12:57 AM]: ok
Sin is a Dork [12:57 AM]: !!!!
Sin is a Dork [12:57 AM]: night
Sin is a Dork [12:57 AM]: night
I am Oxie Moron [12:57 AM]: Ok!
I am Oxie Moron [12:57 AM]: Night!
Sin is a Dork [12:57 AM]: lol did you read all that i told you
I am Oxie Moron [12:57 AM]: Yeeah
Sin is a Dork [12:57 AM]: are you sure
I am Oxie Moron [12:57 AM]: Well, just the part about my computer
Sin is a Dork [12:57 AM]: no there was about 4 min before that
Sin is a Dork [12:58 AM]: hold on let me email it to you

I am Oxie Moron: Haha, you bitch. Haha.

I got disconnected... damn Tristan. I wish I could recieve e-mail like this all the time, though.

Just saw a commercial for a Sims PS2 game. That should be interesting.

Oh yeah... I took an emode.com test.

What Kind of Party Legend Are You?

Casual

You thought you remembered to buy chips. But then again, perhaps you didn't. Hmmm, maybe your friends can pick some up on their way over. Just five or six bags should do! One thing's for sure: Parties are chill when you're in charge. In fact, it's this laid-back-all-invited-family-feel that makes you such a party legend!

People know they've got to fend for themselves when they're heading to your house — on the plus side, they can wear whatever they want and they're free to raid the pantry for soda or peanut butter and Fluff (especially if that's all you've got).

You're not uptight about the details so folks feel free to make your casa their casa. Your number one goal is to get the gang together and you do that in spades. Who doesn't want to hang out at your home when the general rule is that there are no rules? Of course, you might have to put your foot down when it comes to stains, slam-dancing, or teasing the dog with the last scraps from the food tray. But beyond that, anything goes. And will.

At the end of your affair, guests probably feel well-fed, welcome, and at ease. And if they won't leave before you promise to invite them back, well, all the better.

Sure.

I finally have my desk set up. My stepdad and I worked on it for a few hours and then left me to clean up after him (it IS my room after all). It's creepy, but my room looks almost neat and clean. ::shivers::

I am reekin' tired now and The Used are about to be on TRL. Crud.

Auction Money from TLC Readers to Buy Over 11,000 Books!

Cheeses! That is awesome stuff right there.

I’ve slashed my wrist and I am planning to do more. Hey, I kept the urge off for a good two weeks. That is pretty good. To tell you the truth, I thought about it for two hours before I did the deal. I kept thinking about the x-acto knife’s sting and I was hesitant about the incoming pain. I still did it anyway and you know what? It didn’t hurt. Yeah, there was a little sting… but that was the best part. I also carved a couple of stars on my wrist. I should have cut myself on my foot (and I thought about it), but it wasn’t good enough for me. I needed to see the scars.

This is something The Bitch can’t take away from me. I don’t even know how many times she has threatened to smash my computer. She has NO idea about what I think. She has no idea why I sleep so much and she doesn’t know that I have stopped eating (even though I am doing it openly infront of her). All the money I have to pay after I finish school… it kills me. Whine, whine, whine. Yeah, kick my ass, please.

I am just glad my father understands, knows, and SEES what is going on. Because who of all people know The Bitch better than he does. His pet names for her were “Piedra” and “La Leona” which mean “Rock” and “The Lioness. “ That is what she is.. A big, nasty bitch. I see my stepfather walking on eggshells when he is near The Bitch almost everyday. It’s sad really… but I do the saaame shit. I leave her alone and I wish she would do the same to me. She obviously doesn’t care that I am doing really well in school and that I am not promiscuous or a fuckin’ drug addict. All she cares about is her home and my lazy ways. I can stay up all night and watch TV, but if I am tired because I was on my computer… fuckin’ rumble.

Haha… she is gonna get it soon.

WTF!

12:33: Phew. False alarm.

::groans:: I am so fucking BORED.

I need to form some new addictions pronto because the ones that I have now are starting to... lag. ALF! Heh, need to watch this.

Anyway, I went to sleep at 8... AM. I guess it was those 13 hours or so that I slept the day before. You know what I need? Character. How about instead of wearing A watch I can wear... get this... TWO watches! On the same wrist! Crazy idea, huh? Hell, I should start a wearing-your-watch-around-your-ankle trend, right?

I kid, I kid. For the love of cheese, do NOT take me seriously. That would be pretty sad. I need to grow my hair and eye brows back since I have this thing for getting rid of hair. I don't eat it, though. I don't do that like other people. How about a tattoo? I have been tempted to get one since...last week (man, I AM a poseur). I am waiting, of course. I might not want it later on. If I were to get one, I would get a star either on my foot or left wrist. Original, huh? Pfft. I've been wanting a star since I was 17, though. I even carved one in my inner ankle when I was that age. It's faded now, but I've been thinking of carving one on my wrist. I am tempted. VERY tempted.

So, for now... I will stick to permanent markers. Another tattoo alternative (aside from temporary tatts).

I was speaking with Chris on our first day of school (actually, he did most of the talking) when he saw my Simpsons book and told me that this was the Simpsons' last season.

"What!?"

He said that Matt was planning to end the Simpsons with a movie (which kinda makes sense since there is one coming soon). I read a few years ago that a movie was indeed in the making and it was probably coming out anywhere between 2003-2005. SO, of course being me, I investigate this because I cannot bare at the idea of The Simpsons being killed.

I found the lastest news about this here.

In the past few months there has been talk that the show could finish its run in the near future.

Indeed, in 2002 its creator, Matt Groening, said: "I think we are closer to winding it up." But now Fox Television has confirmed that they have a deal to keep the show going until at least 2006.

I guess all good things have an end. Poo.

Just saw that two-hour Cops show and the number one most memorable moment (if it was a countdown, not sure) was in...

Pomona, Ontario, Montclair, Rancho Cucamonga and another city I can't remember.

Of course.

Empty Green

Listening to a sullen heartbeat
I fall into a moment, thinking
How alone I’ve made myself
To keep others from reaching.

Distortion, instantly is what I see
An inquisitive reflection of me
Longing for another face
Another way of existence.

I lay on empty green
Looking at my only friend
Reading words that make sense to me
“Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be.”

Slowly, those words fade into black
Still imprinted in the darkness
Listening to whispers from my heart
Before I fall into another moment.

Ta-da. New .gif.

I have my own room now. After 17 years I finally get some privacy. It's neat. I "lost" a brother to get this room, though. I guess you can say it's a bitter sweet deal. :(

Finally. I got my desk.

All I need now is some help building it. Bah.

It pains me to know that I exist.

Since 10 PM until now, I have only had about three hours of sleep. I was up all night due to the wind. I read through the night wanting to finish the book Eileen recommended. I finished it and glad to have set it aside. I’m a little hungry, but I refuse to eat. Sometimes, I just don’t want to anymore (though the craving is still there).

I just want to go back to school. I can’t stand it here anymore. It’s not my place. It feels unfamiliar. I should put my head together pull a Jemima Jones. Doubt it will work, though.

Oh, Stomach. Quit bitching. You will eat tomorrow.

I didn’t speak about going to school yesterday. My sis needed to print a paper of hers and my last resort was not home on Sunday, so I had to get up very early and get ready to go to my old school and venture for a printer. I come across the first door I see open and ask a teacher if I could use her printer.

“Oh, sure.”
“Thanks.”
“Had work this vacation?”

Heh, she thought I was a student so I play along.

“Yep.”
“See, I knew I wasn’t the only one who would assign work during a vacation. I mean, you guys had two weeks.”
“Yeah, they just like to complain.”

The damn PC didn’t work, though. Something was jammed and I couldn’t insert my disk. So, screw it.

“I can’t put my disk in.”
“Oh well.”

Bitch. She didn't even offer to help or tell me that there might have been something wrong with the computer. I thank her anyway and leave. I desperately look for open classroom, but no luck. So, I just wait for my old teacher to arrive. I waited and waited. For about 30 minutes. During that time I remembered why I hated high school. The atmosphere was putrid and the people were still as fake as ever.

“Mrs. Peters? Do you think you can tell me if I passed or was dropped?”
“Oh, no honey. I still haven’t seen the roll sheet yet.”
“Do you think you can look for me?”
“Why don’t we talk about it in class later on? “

She laughs like it’s no big deal. I mean, it’s just a girl’s future after all.

“Yes, I just back from Acapulco! That is why I haven’t seen the roll sheet.”

Jesus, I was just about to die from holding my laughter because I couldn’t let them notice that there was an actual being in front of them. I waited still. Then, that feeling came over me. You know, that feeling that you are being watched. And I was right. I turned to my left and there they were, my two ex-teachers staring at me. They were on the other side of the building, thus the looking. I couldn’t think of anything to do, so I just stared back for a second and smiled and waved. “Shit,” I say.

So, I get everything done and over with. I print the paper, tell my old teacher about my brother, talk with my brother and jet out of there before the so-called “securities” catch me. If they find out that I am not an actual student I could be “fine and/or arrested.” Yeah, I think they are full of shit, too.

I should eat something, though. Especially since Sis is eating some delicious Cocoa Puffs right now. No. I pass. It’s too late anyway. I have to stop eating dinner at midnight. Not good for me.

fussygurl9931712: hey was up
I am Oxie Moron: Nothing much.
I am Oxie Moron: Oh god, no.

Porn bots are getting trickier now.

From Ain't it Cool news:

HARRY POTTER & THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN (2004) Directed by Alphonso Cuaron. Written by Steve Kloves. Early word coming in here at the Moriarty Labs is that Cuaron is shaking up this franchise, and in a good way. He’s evidently questioning everything that’s come before, determined to retain what’s good and improve everything else. I got in a rumor over the weekend that Ian Brown (of the Stone Roses) has signed on for a small part in the film, and that casting efforts continue on characters like Sirius Black. Oh, and for the record, I don't care who's playing Dumbledore. Harry pranked me last week, and as a result, I've gotten so much e-mail on the matter that I hate the mere word now. I'm sure Warner Bros. will announce a decision soon. In the meantime, please give me some peace.

HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE (2005) Directed by Alphonso Cuaron (??) Written by Steve Kloves. Here’s the big question mark in the POTTER franchise. All along, Chris Columbus (who’s stil