It's been a year...

since I last went to a cinema. It was Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on Christmas Eve 2002.

My stepsister, Monica, her guy, my mother, my step dad, and I were all going out to get something to eat and watch a movie after. They decided to get some burgers at Island's. Mmmm. Great stuff. As my mother, Monica, and I were waiting for the guys to get their asses in the car, my mother looked at me and said, "All we need is your boyfriend next to you." There were two pairs and one single in this car. Then, somehow we got to talking about Kolin. My mother told Monica about him. "He lives in Florida. Can you believe it?!" She ALWAYS starts like that and I ALWAYS say, "SO?" I don't know how it got to this point, but I told her that he didn't believe in God. She just looked at me.

"No?"
"No."
"What is he then?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what does he believe in?"
"He believes in me."

Of course she laughed when I said that. She started saying that he was probably a Satanist and I told her no even though I didn't know the answer for sure. Whatever Kolin is is fine by me as long as it's not harmful to him or myself. I respect his beliefs as much as he respects mine. We just stay clear away from that stuff.

Anyway, we get to Island's first. We sat there and enjoyed our huge burgers while Monica showed us her pictures on her trip to New York. They were all crappy. Heh. We all "talked" some more before we headed out to the mall. Monica wanted all of us to go to Dave & Busters to play some games before we made a queue for the movie. All I can say is that I miss those old arcade games. Where did they all go? Meh. I played some car and shooting games. Of course, I sucked. :D After an hour we went over to the cinema to get in line. I clucked like a chicken all the way through the mall. :P The line wasn't that long when we got there, but we did have to wait about an hour to actually get our seats. I was nervous all day. I was asking myself if I really wanted to see this movie. I did anyway. I saw The Passion of the Christ.

I'm not going to post about it. Dante wrote a review and he did well on it. I rather link his review than write about it myself since he did a good job on it. I don't think I could anyway. All I can say is that I was angry most of the time. I ended up scratching my hand through the whole crucifixion up until he was... yeah. I really wanted to hurt myself. I didn't allow myself to cry, either. Does that make me less of a human? I asked myself that. There were points that I wanted to, but I wouldn't allow myself to. I needed to be alone. I don't like to cry when others are around me. Anyway, the movie is what it is.

The highlight of my day was being able to see my Teddy through cam for the first time. Kolinvision. *siiiigh* I love him so much. I can't get enough of him. He's so beautiful. It kills me.

Kill ME. Not Bill.

I gave Inferno Cafe another change. -_- I spent all day trying to figure out what to do with it. I think I made four different layouts before I settled with this one.

Anyway, tell me what you want changed, Dante. :)

What is your true talent?

Now this: Cristal, did you know you are 1,088 weeks old?

Cristal, your true talent is spatial ability

Your ability to visualize objects in three-dimensional space gives you a unique view of the world. Because of this talent, you are much better than most people at imagining new designs including floor plans, page layouts, and three dimensional objects.

How do we know that's your true talent? While you were taking the test, we calculated your responses to each test question and rated your skills in 5 areas. You scored highest on spatial ability.

People like you are usually great when it comes to putting together assemble-it-yourself furniture or other household items — whether the items arrive with instructions or not. Your spatial skills also help you understand the finer points of how things work.

Hmm. Maybe. I liked this one. Not good to do when you're tired, though.

BORED!

You are Woodstock!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Awww. Woodstock is cute. I love Linus, though. LOVE!


You're How's It Gonna Be by Third Eye Blind.
You fight during all your relationships and
make sure the person come running back to you.
If they don't, you go nuts and feel like it's
all your fault for starting it. Don't sit there
and dwell on it, move on and find someone new.
I know it's hard but try atleast.


Which Love Sick Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Uhh... I haven't even had a fight with Kolin. Er... we haven't, right? Ha. No, no. No fights. Damn this quiz. Makes no sense.


Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)


**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ghost? *cries* Why do I torture myself with these quizzes. Oh well... onto the next one.

Who's Your Inner Artist?

Your inner artist is Keith Haring!
With your good-natured charm and fun-loving attitude, it's no wonder you're paired with the cartoony style of Keith Haring. Always up for a good time (or hosting one), you probably have a natural ability to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. People are naturally drawn to that charisma, and compared to others, you have it good when it comes to making good friends. From art.com

*smacks self* STOP IT, CRISTAL! Okay, last one!

(while waiting for my test results I got this: Cristal, did you know you are 7,618 days old?)

The Multiphasic Personality Inventory: How normal are you?

Cristal, your score is 9% consistent with a normal personality profile. You're least like others in the area of imagination.

It may surprise you to know that most people deviate from the norm in one way or another. In other words, it's normal not to be completely normal! And what is normal? "Normal" is just the average score that is most common for the attributes we're testing, but many people still score outside of this range.

Yeah. Okay. Whatever. Take it here. :)

Oooooh!

A picture of Wormtail is up at the Cauldron. :D Looks great.

I stole this. :)

What infamous serial killer are you? Ed Gein You've inspired classic films such as Psycho, Silence of The Lambs, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You dug up graves of the recently dead and would try to invoke your mothers spirit into them. You would make furnature and clothing from the carcass, and cannibalized the dead.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Bad grammar. -_-

x_x

I'm tired, so I am making this quick.

I got up around 7 AM to get my shit out of my room and into the garage. The carpet guy came around 8 AM and all day I've been helping around the house. I had to make a quick stop to the library to return some books and then head back home for more cleaning. We got done with everything around 9 PM. I think if it weren't for those energy pills that I took this morning I'd be knocked out right now. Instead, I am just tired.

Carpet looks alright. Pretty much "brown and squishy." My mother, like always, had bought some new furniture so she gave me her coffee table. I love that coffee table. It's all scratched up, but it's still nice and shiny. :D She's always buying shit. She bought a vacuum a few days ago. It was about damn time too! We've been using this one vacuum that was... it was as old as I am! Now, THAT'S... so-so old. ;) But I've used that vacuum all my life and it didn't suck. For a vacuum, that's pretty bad.

Imma do something I haven't done in ages. I am going to bed early. Oh yeah. This is big.

Taboo: Tattoo

I was watching Taboo on the National Geographic Channel about tattoos and they talked about Scarification. Watching the skin open to white before the blood drowned it in red really made me wish I was there. Only their reasons for cutting weren't because they hated themselves or punishment. It was about tradition and respect. It's just great how it's accepted in their culture.

Every time I watch someone getting a tattoo on TV, it makes me want it more. I get anxious over it. The show was over about an hour ago and my leg is still shaking. Branding came to mind as I watched, too. It's interesting and appealing, but there's no blood. I need to see the blood. My ceiling looks like someone tried to clean up their blood off a wet floor without any success. Red and wet. It's nice. :)

Funny how if I were to cut myself due to hate it's bad (of course), but if I did some kind of design on my skin then it would be more accepted. Somewhat. Well, maybe it's not that funny. *shrugs* I remember trying to carve a star on my ankle about five years ago and calling it "art." I don't even consider it as part of my scars. Just something that was once there. Like all my other "art" scars. I'm not implying that people should go ahead and cut themselves and just call it "art" to hide the real reason. No fucking way. What I used to do is bad and no one should do it. But...

Yeah. I'd rather get a scar than a tattoo. Eh. My mind is very indecisive. There's some links to pictures if you wish to look, but if you get triggered easily then please don't even consider clicking on those links. :)

Cutting

Branding

Scarring

Not really much of a difference. BME only lets you see a few pictures. Bleh.

More

*evil grin*

I get myself in between a lot of crap, but it's usually good crap. It's a long one.

It was fun, though. :)

Weee!

I got my tabbed windows back and some other goodies. :D

Oh and then there's this. I know you're busy with stuff, but FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE... I miss you. :D

It's the truth dammit. *wink*

While at Staples...

I came across a gaming magazine (Half Life 2 was on the cover) and as I skimmed through it I saw this.

My sister and I can't wait.

Lipstick by Guttermouth

On a Tuesday afternoon
My mom came in my room
And said, "Get the fuck up out of bed,
And get a God damn job."
So I told her
"Hey, hey, fuck you mom."
And I threw the phone at her head
But I missed and hit her in the snatch
So I slammed the door in her face!
Don't ever barge in my room
Or I'll kick your ass
And call the cops
And tell them I am abused
And you'll wind up in jail
While I snowboard in Vail
No one to post your bail
Cuz daddy loves me more
He says that you're a-

You're worthless,
You're lazy
You're stupid
A little overweight
Now gimme 20 bucks
Mommy you're so worthless
You're lazy
You're stupid
A little overweight
Now gimme 20 bucks
Now make it 50, bucks
Now Mom writes me letters
I write return to sender, let her
Rot there in her cell
I watch the dogs mate on her bed
Sorry Mom, I had to pawn
Your china, silver, and all your jewelry
I had to eat
AND RENT A BUNCH OF PROSTITUTES LIKE YOU!!

Thanks, Jen. :)

I think these lines should say:

You're worthless,
You're lazy
You're stupid
Very overweight
Now gimme 20 bucks
Cristal you're so worthless
You're lazy
You're stupid
VERY overweight

You have no idea how well that fits. *snickers*
(Kolin's going to fucking kill me for that one)

Equilibrium SIAD Event

It's on the 28th of this month in the UK. I wonder if there's one in here for the US. I never really pay attention to stuff like that. I know I haven't done it in five months, but it's still in me. It might help to go and be around other people like me. But naaaah. Sin would have to come with me and she's not up for it. We're both waiting for APC. Huzzah.

Psyke.org

About the pills...

So, my dad gave me some brain pills because I lack in that area and I've been using them since Wednesday, right? Not sure if it's it, but I think these pills are making me feel like shit. Orrrrrrr... it could be the usual. My stomach tends to bitch from time to time. Anyway, these pills are... eesh. Today I woke up at 8:30 AM (that's right, EIGHT. I've been waking up early since this weekend) after going to bed at 3 AM. My father called and after that I couldn't go back to bed. Horrible.

I didn't eat much today either. I ate a breakfast meal from Burger King (bleeeeh) that my father got for me (my dad has been doing a lot of things for me as of late), a banana, and two PB & J sandwiches. Oh yeah, tons of fucking water and some Altoids. Trust me... that is SHIT compared to what I usually eat. Maybe that's why my head's been so-so, too. I haven't eaten with the family in... over a month. Ha! I also worked out and took a short walk. I was TIIIRED and I STILL am, but I can't go to BED. I've tried many times. Blah.

But hey, if these pills will stop me from eating too damn much and make me move more... then bring it on, PAIN! Bring it on, motherfucker. I need to lose a lot of this weight.

Figures from PoA. Woo!

I really can't wait to see what they've done with the Dementors in "Prisoner of Azkaban." I don't really like what they did with Lupin, though.

I still have yet to see a picture of a FULL Buckbeak. Not just his head. The promo pictures should start coming out in a month or two. Then I'll be able to make more wallpapers. :D

Shit. My sleeping pattern is really out of wack. Well, as you can see I've changed two of my headings and added a "quotes" section. It doesn't match, but oh well. This is what fucking happens when I can't sleep. I have to pee. I pee alot, by the way. I guess that's what happens when you live off water.

Ugh. I'm so fucking tired.

More brain pills.

I just noticed that I haven't written anything since Saturday.

I ended up spending the weekend with my aunt since Sin was there. Plus, I didn't want to go home. I dyed my hair black (again). Not sure why, but I've been wearing a lot of dark clothes lately. Watch out, I might go back to Cristal: 2001. Eee. The night I came back and the minute I stepped in my home, I felt a huge amount of anger and loneliness. I already wanted out. It eventually became too much because I had a mild panic attack. I don't remember much about it other than it helped me a bit afterwards.

I spent Tuesday with my father. First he took me to turn in an application at a local store and then we headed for his home. I didn't want to be around the fake laughter. His woman, Nelly, invited me to some therapy session she goes to almost everyday for her back pains. I wanted to join at first, but I backed out at the last minute. I need to check things out before I experience anything. That's how I usually work. I just sat there and watched a video about the people who claim they have been cured by this therapy. It's just a $2,000 bed. Dad gave me some brain pills. I needed those so badly. We went to some stores and my father took me home after that. Took a walk. I locked myself in my room for the rest of the day.

I went over daddy's again today. He took me to a local swampmeet since it was closed yesterday. I needed some sweats. We went into a thrift store. Man, I am falling asleep as I type this. Eh. We went to his home. I talked with Nelly and then he took me home. I've been waking up too early. Zzz.

Then, all day today I couldn't concentrate on a single thing. My father would talk and I'd repeat everything he'd say to make it seem like I was listening. Most of the time I had to stop whatever I was doing and collect myself or prevent my legs from giving up on me. I almost fell a few times. I think it's the lack of sleep or... something else. Heh.

It's something else.

"Hey, I'm coming by in a while, so get ready, okay?"

That was my father when he called me an hour ago. I was half asleep. I saw him come and I went outside to greet him. It was odd that he had the car still running. My mother had just driven in from my aunt's home. He told me to get in and I obeyed. I didn't know that I was actually going anywhere with him and I left the TV, blanket, and radio on. I quickly told him and I had to go back. Heh. As I came out I noticed my mother was still in her car and I assumed it was because of me.

Anyway, we went to the bank first. I realized then that we weren't the only ones in the car when I heard his woman laugh. I felt bad that I didn't notice her so I made small talk. He came back and we went to a local store. Right when we got out of the car he started asking me what the deal was with my mother. My heart sank. This is why you wanted me with you for? God, this is getting old. Then he told me that my mother had told him about what I haven't been doing. I felt ashamed. I laughed it off during most of the talk, but I was crying inside. I still am. I talk bad about my mother at times (ha!), but when others do it I find myself defending her a little. Especially when it involves me. I can't help it, I guess. I have fault in this too. If I weren't so lazy...

She came into my room showing me a blouse she bought for me. It felt like a "sorry for the past month" kind of gift. I just thanked her and threw in a smile. After I closed my door I threw the blouse in my closet and went back to bed.

My mother only has to pay $100 a month for me. She said as soon as I got a job I would pay for her loan and mine. I guess that would make $200. Whatever. I don't care, really. Money means nothing to me. So, now my father has offered to help me out and that made me feel even shittier. He already has too much in his damn hands. He helps his mother in Mexico and my brother (who needs it more than I do). He has that AND his own family to worry about. I let him say whatever he wanted. I just wanted to go back to my room. I would just stand there and let him rant while thinking, "My father has seen me in the same clothes as the ones I am wearing right now. That sucks." I haven't been changing or caring about stuff lately.

Like yesterday, I got off the net for a while because I had too much in mind and when I decided to get some sleep, I couldn't because The Asshole and The Bitch were laughing on the other side of my wall. I was so filled with anger that I couldn't stand being there so I put on my shoes and headed out the door. I can't believe how nonchalant they were acting about the past month. As if it never happened. If it weren't for Kolin and my sister I'd be in a worse condition with more cuts on my wrist. I didn't last long out there, though. It was too damn cold. I went back inside and I noticed they were asleep so I went online. I didn't go to sleep until 4 AM.

I got off topic. Back to my father... yeah he's going to help me out. Blah. I hate it. There's a part of me the yells, "Shut the fuck up, Cristal. Your father wants to help you. Don't you know how lucky you are? Other people don't even KNOW their own father!" Then I hear, "You're a pathetic. Almost 21 and not worth shit." Sheesh.

But right now, I am feeling okay. My aunt called me for some babysitting duties and since I wasn't doing much, I accepted. I felt great after I left home. I talked to her about Kolin and she talked to me about the guys she's met from the net. I like talking to her. She makes sense.

Now I better head for bed. Almost 2 AM and the kid's snoring is making me fall harder.

I miss you, Kolin. :)

An old picture I took on Valentine's Day.

So, if you don't have anyone to celebrate it with... spend it by binging on Kisses. :) It's a good excuse to purge on yummy chocolate. Mmmm.

I'm glad they aren't separating and selling the house, but their bullshit really pisses me off. I can't handle it most of the time. They have their ups and downs while I am down all the fucking time. Around them, I mean. Blah. They make me ache. They tear me apart. I don't even know how to act around them. When I'm actually feeling good with them I feel fake. Bah. Fuck you.

*cringe*

My parents are back together again. How do I know this?

They were fucking while I was talking to Kolin. It was horrible. Kolin had a blast, though. :P

Someone decided to call me at around 8 AM and play music for me.

-_-

Grr.

Damn AIM 5.5. I looooved my DeadAIM. Why, WHY did you KILL it!? Now I have to buy DeadAIM 4.1, but do I have a card? Nooo. I want it noooooooow. I am so impatient.

Well, actually... there are a few things that I like about the new AIM.

It finally has video so I won't have to sign on to Yahoo or MSN to show my cam.

It has most of the DeadAIM stuff like Sign on and off notifications.

I still hate:

Those damned AIM ads. *frown*

What it doesn't have?

MY TABBED WINDOW!!!!!!!!!! I want it back!

I clearly shouldn't have taken this test.

Your Candy Heart Is "Kiss Me"

You're a romantic at heart - which is quite sweet

You fall quickly and often for many people you meet.

While you're romantic, you've been know to crawl up with a dirty book

Warning to all: You're not as innocent as you may look.



What Naughty Candy Heart Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Eesh, Meg. o_o Kids, careful about clicking on that link. Hentai is naughty. Muahaha. :D

While washing the dishes...

Stepdad: Did your mom already tell you about the divorce?
Me: Um, no.
Stepdad: Yeah, she filed the papers already.
Me: Oh. Well, Mari told her to tell me to pack everything because she is selling the house.
Stepdad: Yeah?
Me: Mmhmm. I'm not doing it, though. She's being stupid.

So... yeah. I told my brother and he couldn't believe it.

On a good note!

I am Oxie Moron: Heey. :D
LongrThanForever: 'bout time
I am Oxie Moron: Blah. Brb
LongrThanForever: ok
I am Oxie Moron: My mother says hello. she's right here.
LongrThanForever: ah
LongrThanForever: Hi
I am Oxie Moron: My mom says if there's ANYTHING you want to tell her. -_-
I am Oxie Moron: (she's laughing)
LongrThanForever: uhm.. I'd like to ask her permission to be with you.. if she was really serious about it. Because I want to make sure, because I'm in love with her daughter.
LongrThanForever: yeah
LongrThanForever: close enough
I am Oxie Moron: She says only if you have good intentions to be with me. (god lord)
LongrThanForever: I do, very much so.
I am Oxie Moron: She says good. :P
LongrThanForever: good
I am Oxie Moron: She says, bye and good night.
LongrThanForever: thank you, good night
I am Oxie Moron: GRAAAH!
LongrThanForever: eh?
I am Oxie Moron: She laughed her ass off.
LongrThanForever: Why?
LongrThanForever: was she goofin' on me?
I am Oxie Moron: She went, "Good, just don't get pregnant over the internet." You know what? She was serious, but kinda... weird about it.
I am Oxie Moron: She's like that.
LongrThanForever: lol
I am Oxie Moron: That was bad.
LongrThanForever: well.. if i had supersperm like that.. i'd be rich
I am Oxie Moron: Hahahaha. No shit.

Well, I'm glad I got that over with. She wanted that to be done over the phone. I can't imagine how that would have gone. (I didn't even notice all the mistakes I had made because of that. It was hard to type with my mother and sister laughing their asses off over my shoulder)

Sometimes...

I had an alright day today. My father came by and I walked around my high school with his woman and then he gave me some pointers on working out. I need to badly. The good day didn't really last much, though.

My sister came in my room an hour ago telling me what I hate to hear.

"My mom said to pack everything tomorrow because she is selling the house."

She is ALWAYS doing this to us. What a fucking bitch. What hurt me more was the face my sister had when she told me. I made sure I didn't make that same face. I didn't want her to see that it was bothering me. As much as I wanted to cry, I refrained. I'm waiting for later. I cried two nights ago when I had a small flashback. My mother... blah. Everything she does affects EVERYONE.

Well, at least she warned us this time. Unlike last time. Not sure what's going to happen, but...

Oh yeah, I've been having sharp pains in my head since yesterday. Only me. -_-

*makes a face*

I am Oxie Moron: I am good. I told my mom about Kolin today.
SINDORK: oh really what did she say
I am Oxie Moron: Nothing. She laughed. Heh.
SINDORK: did she huff and puff
I am Oxie Moron: Hahhaha. Nope.
I am Oxie Moron: I asked at the right time.
SINDORK: she thought you were playing or what
I am Oxie Moron: Nope.
SINDORK: did you show her the pic
I am Oxie Moron: She just laughed and told me it was okay and asked me a bunch of questions.
I am Oxie Moron: yeah, I did. :P
SINDORK: about him
I am Oxie Moron: "Si es guapo."
SINDORK: lol
SINDORK: my mom said that too
I am Oxie Moron: "Ay, se mira muy enojado.
I am Oxie Moron: Hahaha.
I am Oxie Moron: How long has your mother known?
SINDORK: she said you and him make the same faces
I am Oxie Moron: o_O
I am Oxie Moron: Hahaha.
SINDORK: she saw the pic on the comp
SINDORK: and asked me about him
I am Oxie Moron: Oooh.
I am Oxie Moron: Hahaha.
I am Oxie Moron: He sent me another one. :D
SINDORK: but i told her to not tell your mom but you know how that goes
SINDORK: lol
I am Oxie Moron: Hahaha. Good. Good mom.
SINDORK: how
I am Oxie Moron: She didn't tellll her.
I am Oxie Moron: :D
SINDORK: :-D
I am Oxie Moron: Like most chismosas do.
SINDORK: haha especially sisters
SINDORK: ;-)
I am Oxie Moron: YES.

So yeah. My mother and aunt think Kolin is fiiiiiine. So, Kolin? Yeah. :D

I've been itching to tell her.

While waiting for our turn in a studio:

Me: I have something to confess.
Mom: What?
Me: Don't get mad or anything, but I have a boyfriend.
Mom: Hahahaha. What?
Me: Yeeeah.
Mom: Since when?
Me: June, I think.
Mom: Hahahahaha.

So, after that she wanted to know everything about him. I tried my best.

Me: He's 19.
Mom: He's what? God, that's young.
Me: Noooo, it's not.
Mom: Well... how tall is he?

Hahaha. When we got home I was sorting things out in my room and she came in saying, "Alright, where is he? I want see him." I showed him his picture and she said, "Wow, he looks... mean." She thinks he's handsome and she would be damn right. I think after seeing that picture she was more accepting of the fact that he is younger than me.

Mom: It's already late, but I still want him to ask permission to be with you.
Me: XD Whaaaat? Noo.
Mom: Yesss. That's what they do in Mexico and he needs to ask me.
Me: But... X)

So yeah. I guess he kinda has to. So fucking hilarious. I wonder what my dad would say. o_O

Uhhhh... no more candy.

Sneakers- funny, laid-back, and goofy, you love to
make people laugh and have a good time. You
enjoy comfort and don't care to much about what
people think of you. You like to hang out with
your buddies and just have a good time. [please
vote! thank you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well... I LIKE sneakers. Everything else doesn't make sense.

I almost gave up. I've been cut-free for five months. Woo. I haven't gone that long since... three years ago. I went as far as holding the razor against my wrist, but I couldn't go on. Kolin kept popping up in my mind and I didn't want to hurt myself while thinking of him.

Why was I going to anyway? I needed to be punished. Oh well. I didn't do it. I, instead, wore the razor around my neck. It's too big, though. I'm going to have to buy the smaller one later.

I got a new printer.

Thought I'd throw these in here:

Up to 4800-optimized dpi or optional 6-ink colour

Print, scan, and copy in colour from a compact product

View, then print selected photos with HP's Photo Proof Sheet

600 x 2400 dpi optical resolution, 36-bit colour

I was tired last night, but I didn't fall asleep until 4 AM. I was also going to walk my sister to school since some assholes keep bothering her. I did wake up at 7 AM, but I went back to sleep hoping my sister would wake me up. She never did. I stayed in bed until 11:30 PM. I've been having strange dreams, too.

I cooked my sister some stuff and as soon as I got ready my sister and I headed for Rite Aid to see what was up. On our way there Patrick (uh... sorta long story) saw her and stopped to say hi. That's the first time I met him, too. He offered us a ride, but I declined. Walking was the reason we decided to go to the store. We need to walk. It was cold today, too. We get to the store, we look around... eh. I got some nail polish and an eyebrow pencil. I didn't want to waste much, but if my sister wants something I usually get it for her. I am practically broke. We took the long way back home. On our way there we heard some silly squawking-like sounds coming from a home and we thought it was some kid messing with some toy so we started laughing really loud. That's when we looked inside the house and saw a girl practicing on her Clarinet. Oh man, I felt so bad. I couldn't stop laughing, though. :l We finally got home. We did nothing, then. Just talked. I like our walks. We act very ridiculous. Fun stuff.

Oh. My mother is getting life insurance or something.

"Why?"
"Just in case I die."
"Oh, right."

It's catching on...

That's right, girls. It's growing.

Um, I'm bored and cold.

I just read all the posts for February 2002 and 2003. Man... I was pretty, what's the word... manic? Yeah. Too many ups and downs.

I didn't eat as much today. It came to my attention, while I was talking to Kolin, that my sister and I have been eating a lot. Took me seconds to realize that it's mostly because of my parent's silent treatment. I used to eat a lot as a kid while my parents fought. It doesn't seem to be bothering my sister, though. We both think it's bullshit how they don't speak to each other for weeks and then get back together like nothing happened.

Aside from that, I've been worrying about many other things.

I don't want to get up today.
Step dad is out there.
Must clean.
I have to get a job.
I need money.
I need clothes.
I need to help others.
I have to stop eating.
I need to lose weight.
BAH.
Will Mother talk to me today? I hope not.
I hope my brother is okay.
I need to get going.
I am too scared to move.
Who's there?
Eat.
Why won't he leeeave.
Hahahaha. That's funny.
Huh?
I am not good enough to do anything.
Hurt yourself.
Why can't I push myself to do something?
Do it.
I hope my father isn't disappointed in me like Mother is.
Ummm...
I hope I don't see her today.
I love Kolin.
I can't believe he went through that.
I don't do enough to help.
I have to try harder.
I have to try.
I will fail.
Fuck.
Get up and DO something, you cow.
Eh. Later.
Eat more.
I should do this, but I can't start.
She's here.
Life is okay. :)
What a BITCH.
Life isn't that bad.
Yes it is.
No, it's NOT.
YES, YOU FUCKING BITCH!
Fuck you.
No.
Grrr.
Others have it worse than you! Be fucking happy!
NO!
You ungrateful piece of shit. You don't know how good you have it.
FUCK you.
Go fucking kill yourself, shithead.
Life is okay.
Yeah.
Sometimes.
I don't know.

It goes through my mind all day, every day. And more.

Federal investigation is ordered into Janet Jackson's boob

I didn't even read the article. I just thought the title was funny.

Must. Stop. EATING. AHHHHHHH!

u_u