Random pictures.

My sister and I took a bunch of random pictures of our neighbor's dog, Libby. Most of them didn't make it in the link. Too many. Talk about being boring. The little girl in there is named Hope. She's alright. Her family's moving out in a few days. We have two houses up for sale already. They'll be No. 3. In fact, a lot of people from Ontario and Upland are moving out. Everywhere you look there's a "for sale" sign on the front yard.

Jenny is gone. Thank God. My brother came over too. We watched a little bit of The Family Guy. I watched it all day. I tried taking my walk today. My legs cramped so bad that I stopped after 30 minutes. I limped back home. I didn't want to go back in so I hung around my sister, Sara, and Stevie. I didn't really talk to them, though. I was too into my music. I'm full of shit. I crave to be around people and when I get the chance... I ignore them. I guess it's because I have no interest in them. They don't get me at all. Many don't. More than many. So, I'm alone a lot. Oh, I found out who prank called me last week. It was Stevie. When he saw my "I didn't give a fuck about what you did" face, he shut up.

I've been ignoring everyone. I'm dull.

Anyway, here's something interesting:

Awalking0xymoron: oh
Awalking0xymoron: my
Awalking0xymoron: fucking
Awalking0xymoron: god
I am Oxie Moron: O_O
I am Oxie Moron: What?
Awalking0xymoron: I am in habbo
I am Oxie Moron: lol
Awalking0xymoron: and this girl has 4-20-99 in her mission
Awalking0xymoron: k
Awalking0xymoron: and I go is that because of colombine
Awalking0xymoron: yeah she saus
Awalking0xymoron: says
I am Oxie Moron: Okay?
Awalking0xymoron: i asked why she has it in there
Awalking0xymoron: and she goes "Because I am in love with one of the shooters"
I am Oxie Moron: LOL!
I am Oxie Moron: Oh my God.
Awalking0xymoron: exactly
Awalking0xymoron: what the fuck!?
Awalking0xymoron: and she didn't ever know him
Awalking0xymoron: !!!
I am Oxie Moron: This deserves a WTG. She must be into serial killers.
Awalking0xymoron: I suppose so...
Awalking0xymoron: she said she loves him because he is special and hot
I am Oxie Moron: Wow. Hot.
I am Oxie Moron: I mean, wow.
I am Oxie Moron: Forget the fact that he killed the kids, right?
Awalking0xymoron: she said he was missunderstood
Awalking0xymoron: and I told her I agree with her but
Awalking0xymoron: ...oh man
I am Oxie Moron: Forget the fact that he was a douche bag who couldn't handle being made fun of and went out like a pussy.
I am Oxie Moron: Still.
Awalking0xymoron: she said they died because their time is up!
Awalking0xymoron: oh my god this girl is FUCKED UP!
Awalking0xymoron: she said that guy was just god's way to "get them"
I am Oxie Moron: *shrugs* Let her fall in love with a petty thug and get married at the age of 17.
Awalking0xymoron: ...
Awalking0xymoron: he's dead!
Awalking0xymoron: they killed themselves
I am Oxie Moron: I know. Lol. I was speaking of her future.
Awalking0xymoron: and there is this dude agreeing with her
I am Oxie Moron: Because that's what it looks like.
Awalking0xymoron: I really h ope they are joking
Awalking0xymoron: oh man
Awalking0xymoron: this is insane
I am Oxie Moron: Ha.

Mmhmm. Some women can't help but to fall in love with the unwanted scum of the earth. Still bored. Oh well. Survey. I don't fucking care. I'm bored and I need to be reminded about myself. Don't read it. I'm doing it for me. Fuck off.

BASICS

01. Full Birth Name: Cristal Bernal
02. Hair Color: Natural: Drk-Drk Brown. Dyed: Black and hot pink.
03. Eye Color: Drk Brown. Pleh.
04. Height Currently: 5'5''
05. Glasses/contacts: Fake ones.
06. Location: Ontario, CA
07. Sign: Taurus/Aries
08. Siblings: Julian and Mari. I have others, but... yeah.
09. Siblings Age: 18 (soon to be 19) and 14.
10. Birthplace: Los Angeles, CA
11. College Plans: I never planned to go to college. I went, I passed, I wasted my time with it.
12. Any Piercings: My ears. Ha. Today, I took the bar I had for my industrial and I put it through two of my holes. It made my ear look funny, so I took it out. Now it's just dangling in one hole. I also have my old lip ring in there.
13. Any Tattoos: Nah. Not yet.

SOCIAL LIFE

01. Best Friends: Uhhh...
02. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Kolinova.
03. Current Crush: No crushes, dammit. Just butterflies.
04. Hobbies: Walking, listening to music, sleeping, chatting, HTMLing, eating...
05. Favorite Place to hang out: In my room or anywhere outside with trees and zephyr around me.
07. What Type Of Automobile Do You Drive: I don't.
08. Are You Timely Or Always Late: I'm a timely person. I hate being late unless it's not a big deal. I've been work to late ONLY because it's not a big deal. <-- See that? See that sentence? I just noticed that I typed that. I always re-read my shit. I am truly starting to believe that I might have dyslexia. LATE TO WORK! LATE. TO. WORK. IN THAT FUCKING ORDER, CRISTAL. Bah. I should read up on that shit.
09. Do You Have A Job: Yes. Hostess. "Mi Pueblo, can I help you?"
10. Do You Like Being Around People: Sometimes. Not a lot.

STUFF

01. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Well, not loved. I've liked people, but I never went beyond with it. I wasn't worthy of being with anyone, so I never bothered to even think or dream about it. I mean, with people who I thought I had no chance with. I've only been in two relationships, anyway.
02. Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: Yeap.
03. Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: I don't go after anyone. They come to me.
04. Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: Damn right I do. I looove you, K.
05. Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: Hmmm. Maybe online. I've had a few online crushes, but they'd only last for a week. I ended up liking them as a friend and nothing more.
06. Are You Lonely Right Now: Mmhmm. Almost always.
07. Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: No.
08. Do You Want To Get Married: Well, let's say I went from 2.5% of wanting to get married to 56%.
09. Do You Want Kids: I can see myself with a couple, but... I don't know yet.

FAVORITE

01. Room In house: My room, of course.
02. Type of music: I have my own genre. It's called the "I like whatever the fuck I want to like and you can't tell me shit about it, so fuck off" genre.
03. Song: I don't have a favorite song. There's so much out there I can't just pick ONE. I am into "Bother" by Stone Sour right now, though. Again. I need to let go of that damn song.
04. Memory: Many of my good memories involve Kolin. Seriously. They make me laugh a lot. They keep me up and going.
05. Day Of The Week: I don't care. As long as something good happened on whatever day, THAT's my favorite day.
06. Color: Depends. Mostly blue. Orange, green, and hot pink are good, too.
07. Perfume Or Cologne: How about body sprays? Apple and raspberry for me. I have one perfume that I rarely use. Cool Water. I've had it since I was 17.
08. Flower: Sunflowers, tulips... I like bright cartoon-like flowers.
09. Month: Late October, I suppose. Fall fucking rocks.
10. Season: Ahem. *repeats* Fall fucking rocks.
12. Location for dates: I don't do dates.
13. Band: Same with the favorite song. Right now I am into Dead Poetic, MAE, Anberlin, Coheed and Cambria, The Juliana Theory, Everytime I Die, A Funeral For A Friend, Seether and blah, blah... many others that you don't care for.

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU:

01. Cried: Just my eyes. Pussybitches.
02. Bought Something: Ice cream. Chocolate malt. Mmm.
03. Gotten Sick: Just my usual morning sickness. Not that sickness.
04. Sang: I sing everyday.
05. Said I Love You: Yes. And again right now. I love you.
07. Met Someone New: Hmm. Define "met."
08. Moved On: I always "move on." I always come back to it, though.
09. Talked To Someone: Yeap. Still not satisfied.
10. Had A Serious Talk: Yes.
11. Missed Someone: Yes. :(
12. Hugged Someone: I hugged the dog today. It felt nice.
13. Kissed Someone: No.
14. Fought With Your Parents: Nope. I don't fight.
16. Had a lot of sleep: I've been waking up early for a few weeks now. 9 AM.

Fucking hell.

Ha.

Kolin, that episode of The Family Guy that we watched together is on. :D

Lois: The underpants. Lose'em.

HA.

I love you.

Grrr.

Just when I thought she was leaving. She comes back for one more day. I don't think I can take one more day. Damn twit.

My sister's old friend, Jenny, has been here since Sunday. Bah. She's always cutting me off the net. AND it's when I'm doing something important. I had trouble trying to finish this layout a few days ago because of that. I mean, who the fuck does she think she is calling her boyfriend from Colton (when it's long distance) AT 3 AM when she doesn't live here? I just... I get peeved easily when someone gets in my way of MY things. I can't wait for her to go. I don't like how she treats my sister. She's so whinny and demanding. Bossy, too. Just like her mother.

I missed my walk again. Eh. I, instead, stayed in and watched a couple of DVDs. My brother called me while I was watering the plants this evening. He asked for the Hot Topic receipt from the last time we went (I have receipts from 2001) because he somehow tore the belt I bought for him. I didn't find it, but being who I am, I told him to find a way to fix it. Staples, yarns, tape... whatever fucking works. He doesn't like to do that, so I am going to figure out a way to save the damn belt. Fixing stuff- it's what I do best.

Oh, my aunt called me asking me if I was going to the "party." I thought she meant the lingerie party so told her yes, BUT when she mentioned the word "gay" I thought to myself, "Oh no. I just agreed to go to a Transvestite party." Fuck. I don't want to go. I'll make up an excuse. Only reason why I would go there is to drink. If the drinks are free, I am there. But, UGH. Hmm. Maybe I'll invite Eileen and she can keep me company. I haven't seen her in a few months. I dunno. I should go out more, but... to that? If someone touches me, fists are going to fly.

Seventeen past midnight. I'm sitting here watching The Nanny. Hmmm. I need a new mouse pad. I need a new MOUSE. I missed my walk yesterday and today. Well, I did go to the bank and market to pay my bills, but that doesn't count. I didn't want to go home right away (Mother was there), so I sat down infront of some foot doctor business and listened to the Neskimo's version of Contra. On repeat. I sat there for maybe 20 or so minutes. Watching cars go by. Staring at the funeral home that was across from me. I didn't want to be there after a while. I didn't want to run into my old guitar teacher. I didn't like him very much. All he seemed to talk to me about was his radio show. Which was boring, I must say. But hell, that's something, right? A DJ. I didn't like the lessons at all. After I got my job, I stopped taking them. I'd still go and take my sister to her drum lessons, though. I'd pay for her lessons, too. I'd sit down on the floor in the store and wait for her for thirty minutes. I had things to do. I'd listen to music, talk to the owner, Todd, look at the bass guitars... sometimes, I'd write. I loved looking at Todd's record collection. He's a drummer. I remember staring at his APC frame. I loved that thing. Damn him.

I miss Kolin. I haven't spoken to him since Friday and I'm getting worried. I have the right to be, dammit. Every time he's gone for a long time it brings me back to last summer. Bah.

Whoa. Rosie is on The Nanny. I used to be a big Rosie O'Donnell fan. Why? KOOSH BALLS! No. I just... liked to watch it. It was a fun show. Funny how she turned out to be a big lesbian bitch. NOT that there's anything WRONG with being a bitch. Or a lesbian. "She had style, she had flair (she was there)! That's how she became... The Nanneeeeee."

"Rocko's Modern Liiiiiiiiiiiife (Rocko's Modern Life)." The Fatheads. Woo. I want to stretch one of my piercings from a 12 to an 8. Maybe. I've always wanted plugs, anyway. I'd look funny with those, though. So, I'll pass for now.

You guys should see the horrible face my mother makes when she gets mad. Makes me cringe. Every time I take a walk I get this flashback back to when I was in my pre-teen years. I think I was 12. I remember my mother "asking" me to go for an exercise walk with her and because I wanted to please her, I accepted. She made fun of me through out that whole walk because I couldn't keep up. We didn't even walk that much. I hated her for that. I didn't even want to be around her, so I stayed behind and slowly walked back home on my own. She made fun of me some more after that. She's like that. She LOVES to throw shit at your face. Just to prove you're wrong and make herself seem righteous.

I almost cut my hair yesterday. And something else, too. I stopped myself, though. Damn urges. Fran Fine. What kind of name is that? Man, she has nice hair. I can't wait for my hair to be long. I can't wait to shave the bottom half of it when it does grow long. I'll dye that part blue. It'll rock.

Manchurian is a funny word.

Dick.

My brother called me up 30 minutes ago asking for a five so he could get some gas. He was sounding strange. Drunk strange. I called him on it. Of course, he said no. I wanted to believe him, but I didn't. Pissed me off.

So, he comes up, I talk to him very seriously. I can tell he's buzzed. "You lied to me." Of course he denied it. "No, you asked me if I was drunk, not if I was drinking." Mmmhmm. The car was starting to move but I got in through the window and told him off in a calm way. I told him if he EVER lies to me again, I will beat the shit out of him and THEN tell my dad. He just lauged, but I was damn serious. I don't play like that. Fucker can't be driving and drinking. What a shit.

Meh.

As simple as they come.

I finished this morning at 3:30 AM.

They're always in sweats.

Work was busy. I got two smart-asses today. They tried me and they lost. Actually, one of them is a Sunday regular. He's cool. The other, was just some dude. His credit cards were declined and he had to call the bank. My boss and I were just standing there. Short story even shorter- wait. Fuck this. It's not important.

I took a nap after I got off work. My mother woke me up asking me if I wanted to go to Sea World. It was around 5. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. After they left I watched a bit of TV before I went for my walk. My legs still hurt a bit, but now the pain is running all the way up my thighs. I seem to amaze my next door neighbors that I'm actually walking everyday. They should do a bit of walking too. They need it more than I do.

Oh. So, my sister's teacher's husband, Bill came over this week to see my sister, but she's been gone for over a month. I was looking dreadful. I had just gotten up so my hair was horrid, I was still in my tank and hell, I don't even remember if I had a bra on. Ugh. Anyway, he ended up making me feel like shit after he left. He said that he's been calling, but since I was on the internet, he couldn't get through. "You're always on the internet." He said it so... disgusted. So, yeah. He called today.

Bill: Hey, is Maria back?
Me: Hey, yes, she is, but she just left again.
Bill: Oh nooo.
Me: Yeah, the family went out.
Bill: Oh that girl.
Me: Yeah.
Bill: Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you looked great the other day that I came by.
Me: ... Thanks. Heh.
Bill: I mean, you've always looked great-
Me: Is it because I don't have red hair anymore?
Bill: Red, brown, black. Whatever. You look great.
Me: Thanks.

Three letters: WTF. I didn't see that coming. At all. I've been wanting to dye my hair red again, but... since it's longer, it'll cost me a lot. Oh well. I am buzzed and tired.

I think the sun kissed me too hard.

More like raped me.

I got off work early and David still had an hour and thirty minutes before his shift was over so I stayed in the restaurant for 30 minutes. I've always wondered how long it would take me to walk from work to my home. I asked David, he said around an hour and thirty minutes. "Fuck it," I said, and left. I looked at my watch and it read 3:00. I walked at normal speed, but a little faster. It was hot outside, but I didn't care. Around 30 minutes into the walk, my left leg started to cramp. It felt like someone was hitting it with a metal bat everytime I stepped on the concrete. I still continued. I didn't care. So, how long did it take me? One hour and ten minutes. David saw me in the same spot as Thursday. Again, I denied a ride home. It was only a few minutes away. I get home and get something to drink (I was sweaty. Bleh). My mother goes off. "You walked from work? Why didn't you call me! Look at you, you're burned!"

Me: I don't care. I wanted to walk.
Her: You don't care. Look at you. And David told me that you were locked out last night? You didn't even-
Me: *getting water*
Her: say anything before you left. Why didn't you say anything? You just left...
Her: You need a key.
Me: Yeah, I told David about that already.
Her: ...
Me: *leaves*

I told David this morning that he and Mother locked me out last night. Of course, they started to get defensive over it. I ALSO told David that we needed keys to the damn house weeks ago. I keep telling him. Oh well. It's all in the past. Truth: I didn't want a ride from Mom.

As soon as my mother told me that I was burnt, I went into the bathroom and checked in the mirror. Ohhh yeah. I'm dark as fuck. Mostly because I am wearing white make up, but still. I quickly went into my room and took everything off except for my undergarments. It feels good to be in your underwear and bra, girls. I have to wait a while to cool down before I take a shower, though. I don't want to get sick.

Fucking Fuckers.

Work was boring as always. David got mad. As always. The boss understands, though. So, he didn't get mad at me or Erika. I left early since there was nothing to do. David wanted to have a drink so I waited in the waiting area. I was listening to my CD player when my boss came around. He wanted to listen and he liked Anberlin. Heh. He asked me if I like AC/DC, CCR, and Floyd. I told him that they were cool, but I wasn't into the classics. I'm really not.

I waited for a while before David finished his beer. I got home and went in my room when I noticed the phone on my bed. "Shit." That's when Mother called me on it. Whatever. I went back into my room. Changed and left the house. I didn't say a thing. I went for my walk. I walked (faster than usual) for an hour. I'm glad I have my music. I was very into it. Everything that I had inside, whatever anger that was transmitted in me... I threw it out. I threw it on the track and stomped all over it. I walked until I couldn't feel the pain anymore.

I got home and I saw Sara and Stevie outside talking. "Hey, there's my sexy kitten," says Sara. She's been greeting me like that all week. "Back from one of your five-hour walks?" "Nah," I said, "It was only this time."

I noticed that the truck was gone, so that meant that the 'rents went out. I was glad. I went up to my front door and... I couldn't believe it. It was locked. Motherfuckers locked me out. Oh well. Surely the side door would be open. Nope. The back door? No. FUCK. I threw my bag in my grandma's room and went over to my window. I couldn't open it so I went to the bathroom window. I managed to open it. One thing, I couldn't get up there. AND even if I did... I couldn't FIT in it. So, without hesitation, I left the backyard and over the front to ask Sara and Stevie for help. I'm very glad they were there.

I was willing to give Stevie a boost, but he didn't want one. He managed to get in half way with his ass sticking out. Sara, of course, took that opportunity to pinch it. He screamed and fell into the bathroom. I quickly put the window back and went into Grandma's room to get my bag back. I thanked Sara and Stevie (for the fifth time).

Sara: Cristal, why did you pinch Stevie's ass?
Me: Because... it was cute.
Sara: Ha. See?
Stevie: It's okay.
Me: He knows better.
Stevie: Yeah, Cristal would have spanked it instead.
Me: Nah. I wouldn't touch it.

Oh, while I was locked out the phone rang. Twice. That pissed me off even more. "Ha. It's Cristal's boyfriend," said Sara. That's what I was afraid of. You never know. Well, when I went back inside, the phone rang again and I picked it up. "Hello? Is Jennifer there?"

Me: Excuse me?
Person: JENNIFER?
Me: You have the wrong number.
Person: Don't you fucking talk to me- *laughs*
Me: ...
Person: *laughs like a moron*
Me: ... *click*

Stoned. Maybe. Then, my brother called asking if I had money for gas. Nope. Assbroke. I get paid tomorrow, but 85% of that is gone already. Bills, bills, bills.

Oh, and yes. My last template is back. I can't stand Blogget's templates.

I love you, Kolin.

1:51-4:51 AM

Don't ask.

I'm actually thinking this time.

Yeah. Thinking of what kind of layout to build/create for my blog.  Again.  I usually just mess around with Photoshop until I come up with something decent.  I've come up with so many ideas only to find that they can't work because I need more than one page to make it work.

So, I'm using this template for now.  Hopefully I'll come up with something decent+1.

11:38 PM: I took a two-hour walk today (as I did yesterday). I found a map and outlined where I went. One big circle. But because of the sun, my arms are now itchy, bumpy, and dry. Neck and head, too. I guess the Sun hasn't stopped hating me. All there's left is for me to turn white.

Bills are paid.

My father called me up this evening asking me if I wanted to go to the store with him. I figured he wanted to go to the market, so I accepted. We went to Best Buy. He got himself this badass speaker. It's clear and blue and... *drools* It was the loudest one there. That was on, that is. While I was standing in the little room-like place that was surrounded with speakers, the blue one was the one that made the whole room shake. I had Chevelle inside me. It was nice.

Dad wanted to get me something and he was willing to get me a CD and I ACCEPTED, but... I couldn't find one that I wanted. I have a hard time buying CDs. I just can't. So, I declined. I had mentioned to him that I was planning on getting a CD player and he insisted on letting me get one for me. I let him. I felt kinda bad, though. Anyway, we went to Target. I couldn't pick a CD player. I am so fucking picky. He left and came back three times before I chose one. Well, sorta. He chose it for me. *shrugs* I hope it works. Most CD players suck. I don't want an iPod anymore, anyway. Not after I read the reviews. 2 years my ass.

If this one doesn't play well or has a sucky G-protection... I am sending it back. The thing is... as soon as I got home I remembered that I needed BATTERIES. So, I have to go to the store again tomorrow. (I went this morning... er, yesterday) Had to pay the bills. Julian came over again. With my aunt and uncle this time. It's funny. I would try to talk about something and I'd get interrupted repeatedly. "Oh, look at what I did to the wall. Ha. I was pis-" *interrupted* I just wanted to talk. Oh well.

My right arm is achy as hell. I find it hard to type. I think I know why, too. Fucking bottles.

*sigh* I hope my boss brings me back some good news.

You know what?

Today I bought a 24 of Smirnoff and I only drank four. Now... there's only about six left in the fridge. Julian only drank 2.

Heh. Fucking Julian. Oh well.

Memories.

This is where Kolin and I first met over a year ago.

I love you, Teddy.

<.rant>

You know. Sometimes I wish that my sister DID live with my father instead of here. The DA called this past week to ask me (or to confirm) if my sister was living with my father. Not true. Long story.

I'm thirsty and I had to do laundry. I went into the kitchen to get some water and I hear my mom and David talking about something, but like always, I ignored it. My name popped up, though. So, my ears opened up, but I still ignored it and went outside to check if Mother was done with her laundry. I went into my room to get my clothes and my mother comes in to ask me for something. I don't have that something, so surely she goes into my sister's room. I hate it when she does that. I just hate it.

"You are not going to find it in her room."

Then she asks me, "Hey, do you want to read the letter Mari wrote to me?" She didn't even look around her fucking room. She just used that something as an excuse to GO into her room to show me the paper.

That's when I realized what this was about. Whatever I got from the conversation I tried to ignore, the pieces I received... all came together the second she asked me that. All I could do was sigh and leave my room and do my laundry. I ignored her. While in the garage, I kept thinking of WAYS to explain to her that I don't care. That I used to say the SAME shit when I was her age. Maybe not as explicit, but the feeling was there. Yeah. I hated her too. I decided to tell her that I felt the same way when I was Mari's age.

I came back in. I quickly walked into the kitchen and through the living room...

Mom: Hey, want to read the letter that Mari wrote to me?
Me: No. I don't care. *keeps walking*
Me: *sees David* *sigh* I don't care, dammit.
David: *says nothing and gives me my money*

So much for telling her. I don't want to even bother. She just LOVES to do this. JUST LOVES IT. It just makes me want to fucking choke her. Make her bleed. She's afraid of bleeding. If she only knew about what I write in here. Then she'll know what I'm about. And if I am correct, I overheard her tell David that she is going to make my sister do everything herself from now on. Wash her own clothes and such to make her "see" how it is to not have a mother. Ha. It'll be the same. In fact, much better off without her. She's never there for her, anyway.

I remember when my mother used to complain about me to others. I never helped her around the house unless I was told to do so. Why? Because that's how she raised me. "Don't do anything until you are told to do so." I used to be a little afraid to do anything without her permission. I just wanted to stay out of her way. That's the vibe I got from her. As a child, she never wanted me around. I wanted to learn and she pushed me away. I suppose she assumed that I'd learn somehow. And I did. From others. Not from her. I only learned to be negative from her. Hate. I rarely asked her to do anything for me. There were times when I'd ask David for money because I didn't want to ask her. The day she stopped doing my laundry was the day I was free from her. I was fucking happy. First day she saw me take out my own clothes to wash she tells me, "Now you know how it is to wash." Oh-fucking wow. I had known how to wash since I was 13. Only reason why I never bothered to wash my own fucking clothes was because SHE NEVER LET it build up. She washed every fucking two days. That's not enough time to let it build. So, I'd give her my little pile because she asked. I couldn't say no. I know for some this might seem like no big deal, but to me... it meant a GREAT deal. It meant a lot for her to just leave me be. She let me go then.

David asked me today, "Hey, what did Maria have in her room? Your mother was complaining about it. It was some doll. She said that it was your fault, that she learned it from you."

Me: What? Oh god. She blamed me?
David: Yeah.
Me: Christ. She's just-
David: She's one of those women from old times. She's just afraid of it. Witchcraft-
Me: Yeah. Everything that SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND she is afraid of.
David: Ha, yeah.
Me: I mean, what a hypocrite. She's done palmistry. Isn't that close enough to it? OH! And she even made Mari and me do some "witchcraft" bullshit last summer. We had to go outside and lay on the grass, we had candles around, and we had to drink tequila, water and some other shit from the same bowl.
David: Yeah? Why did she do that for?
Me: Money.
David: *laughs*
Me: See, she does that because everyone else does it. Just because everyone else does it IT must be okay. But it's NOT.

Oh. What my mother found was the head of a Ken doll that had black markings on his face and pins perfectly aligned. Sorta like Pinhead from Hellraiser. I remember her coming to my room and asking me what it meant. I told her it was nothing. Fuck. I used to do the same shit. It's no big-fucking deal. Hmmm. I have a feeling I posted about this before. That whole day I felt like shit. She was going through my sister's stuff. Trashing everything. It made me remember about what she used to do to me. All those times she'd trash my room and made me pick it up. All those times she ripped my posters off my walls just to get back at me. All the money I wasted on them for her to trash. It all made me feel like I was worthless. I'm a worthless hit. She doesn't have any sympathy.

Anyway. My sister is turning out to be like me. But unlike ME, she's smart about stuff. I talk to her. I tell her everything that I know is right and wrong. My brother talks to her. My father talks to her, but not as often. It's up to me to make her comprehend some things. The rest, she has to learn on her own like I did. I know I've done bad things, but... I'm not a bad role model. I don't do horrible things. I know I'm lazy, but I'm a good person. I mean well.

Fuck it.

<./rant>

Ah, girls.

One of the waitresses (Lizzeth) at work wanted to touch my hair and while she was messing with it I told her that I don't brush my hair.  She gave me a o_O look.  "Why?" 
 
Because... I don't HAVE to.  Yeah, it does get matted easily, but I can brush it out.  No problem.  Then, because it was boring at work and I was just standing there, I banged my head on the front desk.  Lizzeth and Erika just stood there and stared at me.
 
Lizeth:  Did she just do what I think she did?
Erika:  God, Cristal.  You're crazy.
Me: What?  It's normal to me.  If you only knew all the shit I used to do before.
 
I didn't even bang my head that hard.  It was just a couple of taps.  Big deal.  I try hard and refrain from doing the normal shit I do.  Such as barking like a dog.  I whimper like one or meow at work. 
 
I can't hide all of my mannerisms.  I just do most of them discretely.

I didn't know.

Cousin's email:

I like your Bible verse. It was Jesus speaking he basically saying don't fear Satan or those in this world, but fear God who judges us. I didn't know about what you were going through exactly, but I do vaguely remember Lisa asking us to pray for you.

Hmm. Yeah. See, I told his sister that I was a cutter. I just forgot. She kept her promise. :)

Whoa there.

What the fuck? Ah man, this SUCKS. So, looks like Blogger changed their shit again. I LOVE the new features. Only problem is... I can't fucking TYPE in the fucking "TYPE" field. I had the same problem with Yahoo email. Bah! Now I have to do it HTML wise. Which is whatever for me, but Still... what the fuck? I shouldn't be doing it this way.
 
Bah.   At least I can now post pictures in there without linking them.   No.  No.  Nevermind.  I don't know if I can.  GRRRR.  Oh well, I can now link them without doing the whole tag myself.  *shrugs*
 
NOW it's letting me TYPE in the compose field.  FUCKER.  What the fuck?  No, seriously.  All I had to do was press CTRL+N. 
 
Well, Now I can change the text color without doing the HTML myself.  Nice.
 
They also have Align buttons. 
 

So now I can type this way.

 

Or this way.

 

Orrrrrr.... Yeah.

 

There's four of them. 

 

Then there's this:

 

1. Yellow electrical tape rocks.
2. Yellow electrical tape rocks.
3. YELLOW!

AND... this:

• Green is cool, too.
  
• Green is cool, too.
  
• OH MAN!  GREEEEN!  THE COLOR OF BOOGERS!

This is alright.  I like it.  Makes my posts even super-neat fast.

Anyway, today was cool.  I did the following:

1. Went to the mall with Julian.
2. Bought him and myself a belt. 
3. Bought an APC tank
4. Bought Beavis and Family Guy pin and Stimpy patch
5. Went to Target... again.
6. Bought a few tanks and some soda for my brother.
7. Drank some soda.
8. Noticed I DRANK some soda.
9. Spit it out.
10. Went back to my place and watched some Family Guy and I Love The 90s.
11. Burned a few things.
12. Drank.
13. Ate.
14. Brother went home.
15. I watched more TV.
16. Had my Super Fun Time With Kolinova & Friends.

It was alright.  Fucking heat.

Peter Griffin is... cool.

It's too hot to sleep. I decided to post worthless prattle.

My father was going to come by this evening so I asked him if he could take me to Target so I could buy a braaaaa. I needed one. My brother came along too. I needed a belt too, soooo I got this zipper belt. It's cool. I got a black bra. I missed those. It's sheer, though. Seeeeeee-through. o_O Hell, as long as it's comfortable, I don't care. Let's see... Julian and I went into the audio and visuals department. We looked through all the CDs maybe three times. I found MAE. Mmhmm. So, Jen? Go to Target. You'll find it there for $10. :) I also saw Coheed and Cambria. I grabbed both of them. Just in case. So, I walked around some more until I remembered that I wanted the Beavis and Butt-Head DVD set. They didn't have it. :l I saw Family Guy, though. And yes. I got the first two seasons. I put MAE and C&C back. Sorry Jen. :P Some other time. My brother got Seether. I also got a black husband beater. As Amanda would call it. :)

Thing is... I didn't pay for any of it. My father bought it all for me. Ack. He's just too nice sometimes, but I'm lucky to have him as a father. Not because he buys me shit when I need it (which doesn't happen a lot). It's because he's just a damn good father. He actually TALKS to us and keeps in touch. He's always been like that with us. Always around.

Lois: What the fack?

I looooove that.

Yeah.

I'm tired of being around. So, I won't.

I (heart) The 90s

I've noticed that I only want to watch that show for that Mac start up sound that I miss OH SO MUCH.

Oh and Trey Parker's impression of Eddie Vedder will forever make me laugh. Forever.

Fuck. Ing. Heat.

Sure, it could be worse, but no. That's why I say, FUCK hygiene. What's the point of showering if you're going to continue to sweat the minute you step out of the shower? Fuck make up, too. It's too hot to draw in my eyebrows or wear eye shadow AND eye liner. I'll just stick with mascara. I need that shit. I didn't even bother to wash my hair today. It's Woo Big. Wearing the same clothes as I did yesterday. Fuck that too. I always do it, anyway.

Ugh.

Oooh. A helicopter and cops are out chasing someone right now. It's a rare here in Ontario. Heh.

Wheeeeee.

Okay. Yesterday was hot. Summer finally decided to show it's shitty face. I woke up early and late. I had fucked up dreams. Kolin knows about those. I didn't tell him everrrrything, though. :) The 'rents wanted to go out and eat and I WAS going to join them, but Mother decided to belittle me. You can't belittle me and then ask, "Do you want to come with us to eat dinner?" It just doesn't work that way with me. So, I declined the offer. I am sooo glad I did too. I called up my brother and asked him if he would come by and take me to the dog grooming place to pick up my money. "C'mon, I'll buy you a pack of Smirnoff." "Oooh! Okay!" That perked him up a bit.

I quickly get ready and fifteen minutes later he comes by. I get my $50 bucks and run out of there. Julian then decided that he didn't want anything to drink. Man. I tried like hell to convince him to let me buy him something because I wanted him to be around me longer. That's when I mention to him that I wanted to buy some CDRs, so he took me to Best Buy. We almost went to Target. It's right next to each other. Julian parked on the handicapped parking space, so I got off and waited for him up front while he found a new parking space. While I was waiting, a girl was asking folks if they are registered to vote. "Excuse me, Ma'am? Are you registered to vote?" I told her yes. I am such a liar. Well, I did register, but I still have to send the form. SORRY COLETTE. I got my CDRs and I offered to buy Julian a CD. It took a while, but eventually picked one.

Woo. I was hyper yesterday. I showed my brother my hands and he was getting freaked out. We went back to my place and kicked it there for a while. I burned him a CD and a couple of random songs. He was looking/feeling like shit. He told me that he got pissed drunk yesterday. His girl asked for some "time off."

We had fun yesterday. Hmmm. *I* had fun yesterday. I wouldn't stop talking and laughing. Mmhmm. I know. I need to get out more. After a while I got a couple of Smirnoff and we drank them down quick. He also stole some of my Jack. Punkass. We left around 9. Had fuuuun.

I missed "I love the 90s" BUT... I am watching it noooow. I was too busy with Kolinova.

OH! OH! OH!!. My cousin, Carlos emailed me yesterday too. Woooo. He only wrote two or three sentences, but the way he wrote them made me go, "AH! THAT'S MY COUSIN! WOO!" I got very excited that I replied him with like five paragraphs. I just ranted on in two of them. I got another one today. He sent me a longer email this time.

Cristal,

I think we have a lot in common....I'm not a heat person either, unless I'm in the mountains somewhere under the protection of some tall pines.

You sound just like me at your age...we almost took identical paths. Except I didn't take GD but just plain computers. I then translated my love for art with computers then picked up database programming.
I too was a hermit for a number of years after high school...I didn't know why I was so self-conscious and unsure of everything then, now I understand it was a transition. From your writing I do think you are college material, you just need to find the right interest. I also didn't know where to start in life...job, school ...what job? Do I want my old friends to see me? ...yeah I remember. ugh!!!
Your ranting just tells me that you consider me family and that you don't feel threatened to tell your cousin the good, bad and ugly. Rant away!

Well I'm so happy that I will be able to talk to you we need to reconnect and be close. Family is a big deal you know! Let me fill you in. I'm married to Maria +10 yrs with four kids; Melinda, Amber, Alexander and Cassie. Dan was married/divorced and has a daughter, Samantha. David is newly married to Amy and no kids yet. Lisa is single just finished her Bachelors in the Arts and will be going for her masters...so far she will be a professional photographer however she might continue school for culinary and become a chef! I think you will get along with Lisa well she's a bit of a hermit too. Also with my wife.

Ahhh yeeah. Hermits run in the family. I never knew that. Every time I've been over there they all seemed sooo outgoing. And they are! They get involved in a lot of things. So, I am a severe hermit. :D
Yeah, I get excited over the little things because I don't have much going on over here in Ontario. Anything to keep me going.

Bah.

I just got back from Pechanga Casino. Ehh. Only reason why I went is because we were eating at a buffet that was in there. They had too much food. Too much. I don't remember what I ate. I had a beer, though. Foursomething-dollar beer. Eeesh. I haaate Coronas, too. They didn't have much in there. It was just four of us that went. Mother, David, David's friend, and me. The males and females separated. My mom won her fair share. I helped her, though. I won her $250. :D She gave me $65. She gave me $100 to start with. I owe her $30, so it's allll goood. Fuuuuck. While walking around I don't know how it came up, but my mom was willing to buy me some liquor. "Hey, there's a place where we can buy some of that stuff that you like."

Me: What stuff?
Mom: You know your favorite. Jack-
Me: Jack Daniel's?
Mom: Yeah, yeah. That.

I told her I didn't want anything to drink after all. I kept asking myself, "Why does she think JD is my favorite drink?" 'Cause it's not. I like it, but not as much as Smirnoff. Mmmm.

I got bored pretty quickly. Too many people. Too much smoke. God, if I could have a dollar for every time an ass would blow smoke on my face. Anyway. I decided to wait for the three adults to finish gambling. I waited near the entrance. Before that, though, I went into the gift shop. A lot of ehhhh stuff. I saw some cool Tomahawks, though! I wanted one, but yeah... Miser. I sat next to this huuuuuuuge water fountain and played with the water for 45 minutes. I saw a girl lose a quarter and some guy pick it up. And I saw some old, black dude with Al Sharpton-kind-of hair. It was cool. I got bored of that shit, so I went around the casino looking for everyone. I couldn't find them so I went back. My mom showed up a few minutes after. She called the guys up and told them I wanted to go home.

Mom: David says there's going to be live music soon.
Me: Noooooo. I want to go HOME.
Mom: She's tired already. She wants to leave.

Damn-fucking right. It took a while, but they came around and we went hoooome. I asked my mom if she could take me to Rite Aid so I could buy a six of Smirnoff. I haven't even finished the other pack I bought two weeks ago. Let's see here... we dropped off the boys at home first then went to pump some gas before heading for Rite Aid. Some people at the front were asking for a donation (funeral shit). We told them after we came out we'd give them something. Mom and I went all the way in the back to get the shit. I got my pack and she got some Tecate. I hate that shit, too. Even though my mother was buying the alcohol the cash register lady asked to see my ID so I can help her carry it out. Woo. Right. We gave some money for the donation and went hooome. Again.

So now... I just finished one bottle. That's it for me, though. I have to go and pick up my check tomorrow, cash two of them that I have and maybe, MAYBE go to the bank and cancel my savings account. I have to. I don't use it. Excuse the grammar and spelling.

Kolin, where are you? I miss you.

Cris' Break.

I get to go back to work this evening. Wooo. Well, sorta. There were a lot of people this morning. Big parties. It's been slow for three Saturdays and then BOOM. Going back tonight will make up for yesterday. Shitty day.

Almost every time I eat something, I ask myself, "What if this isn't what I think it is?" Sure I could be eating Chow Mein, but... what if it's really worms. Tape worms? Fucking Matrix. No, seriously. What if all of this, Life, is not what we think it is. Hmmm. If so, I'm really an expired Twinkie in aisle three at Jax Market.

Haha. Expired Twinkie.

So with this dimmer light in my room tonight...

Got off work early. Ehhh. I NEED the money. Oh well. It was dead today. David was getting mad at me and Erika because we weren't giving him enough tables. Hell, not our fault people wanted to sit in the buffet or bar area. I didn't pick up my money at the dog grooming place today. I will tomorrow, though. Melissa called me this morning. Just wanted to remind me about the money.

David wants to go gambling for a while tonight. He has to convince Mom, though I hope they do. I need alone time. I can blast my music. I don't listen to loud music, anyway, but... yeah.

OH. Guess what, Colette? I heard The Postal Service's Such Great Heights on the radio today. I don't listen to the radio except when I'm in a car, so that made me go, "whoa."

Slight change.

I got bored today so I changed the colors.

Hmm. Headache. I almost bit the "manager's" head off today. One of the girls there asked me about my Kolin pin. When I told her who he was she went, "Awwwww." She says "aww" to everything.

Marisol: It's been hurting to have sex. I've been having many problems.
Me: Hmm. Good thing I'm still a virgin.
Marisol: You are?
Me: Yeap.
Marisol: Awwwwwwwww.
Me: o_O
Marisol: I wish I were still a virgin.
Me: Heh. Right.

Damn fool. I can probably mention that I've never kissed anyone and she'd go "Awwww, how cuuuute." Hmm.

Note to self: Don't mention you've never been kissed.

She's alright. Fun to watch. Hmm. I got my bottle back. I found it in the garage. David said that the man only drank a little bit. When I looked at the bottle I said, "A little bit my ASS." More than half gone. Oh well. He still owes me one. He better.

My screen is tilted. My flat screen. Oh. It's just me. I'm... yeah. I should go to bed.

BTW: This layout is not permanent.

Sigh.

I just got back from my training. It went pretty well. Hair all over. In fact, I can still feel it in my throat and eyes. It wasn't hard work, but it wasn't easy either. Smelly. The boss lady was very nice. She had a child-like voice. My trainer seemed cool, too. I got very wet. I had to wash small and big dogs. I had to dry and brush them, too. I cut one little dog's ear. :( I didn't mean to. Fucking owners should BRUSH their dog's hair once in a while. Anyway, I go back on Thursday or Friday to get my money. Melissa (boss lady) still has to give a few other girls a try.

I called my mother to come and pick me up. I thanked Melissa, left the place, and headed towards a thrift store. They had a lot of neat thingies in there. I found some badass earrings, but I don't really wear them much. I saw my mother park nearby, so I waved goodbye to the employees at the thrift store and got in the car. My mom asked me how it went and I told her all about it. She seemed fine with it until she looked at my pants. Eh. She hates animal hair.

Mom: Noo. Look, you have hair all over your pants.
Me: Yeeah. It gets dirty in there.
Mom: No, no. You're gonna have to look for another job.
Me: -_-

Yeeeeah. I might have to decline if I get accepted for the job. *sigh* You know, this was the first job that I was actually excited about. The first job *I* picked for myself. No one told me where to go and such. I'll have until Thursday to figure it out.

I hate my alarm clock.

I mean reeeeeeeeeeeaaally hate.

I have to stop saying "I hate [insert word here]." Anyway, I thought I woke up at 7 AM to get ready for my first day at a possibly new job. It says "8:00" on my clock right now, but when I turned on my computer It said "6:56 AM." I thought, "Damn, I must be tired. I'm seeing things." So, I turned on my TV and I tuned into the guide channel. Same thing. I woke up at 6 AM. I am not a morning person. Sooo... yeah. I must have hit my alarm clock too hard again.

I do that. I somehow hit it hard enough to forward it an hour. Other times, I don't even remember turning off my alarm clock. Piece of shit.

Getting tired of Blogging...

Again.

Twilight Zone Marathon. :D Every fourth of July. I didn't get to watch it much last year. Same with this year, too. But, I am watching it right now. I love odd shit. The Twilight Zone (old) and The Outer Limits (some old, mostly new). Remember Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction? Yeah.

Hmm. Let's see. Update. My internet account was "frozen" so I couldn't use it. My mom didn't seem to care, so I assumed that I wasn't getting it back. She hates the fact that I use it. So, all morning at work I was bummed out. I tried to figure out what to do and the first thing that came to mind was "look for another job." So, I did. I found some Graphic Design jobs, but nooo. I'm not good enough. Then I found a tiny little ad. It said: Dog groomer asst'n needed. No xperience necessary. Apply in person. Pawsitive Image. Then the address. I got so excited. For the rest of the day at work I had that ad in mind. Erika came to work about two hours early so she kept me company (It was dead that day). I told her about the job. She laughed, of course. I had to bus some tables so I left her for a bit, but when I came back she was excited about a job she "found" for me. I thought, "Oh no." It was a telemarketing job, but there was no selling involved. All you had to do is "set appointments" for four hours and you'd get $10 an hour+Commission+Bonus. It seemed great, BUT... no phone call making. It sounded shady to me. She made me call for information anyway. I was sooo glad that I got the machine. While looking at that ad, I found another one. Photography. Help needed on wknds. No xperience necessary. Then it had their phone number. I gasped. I called as soon as I saw that. They were out. I just got the machine and wrote down their URL. That is down too. Oh well.

I wanted David to take me after work, but he whined. He HAD to take his break. Mother took me instead. It took a while to find, but we eventually did. I went in, asked about the job, and filled out an application. Paper work. -_- I got done, went up to turn it in, and I expected to leave right away, but the employer wanted to talk to me some more. She asked a few questions here and there, told me about the job, and asked me if I was willing to come on Monday or Tuesday to check it out. I told her Tuesday would be fine. So... woo. I hope it goes well. If I do get this job, I am going to leave my other one. I don't get enough hours there. We went to Circuit City to buy a DVD camcorder. I've never seen one or looked into one (info), so I had to really cram a lot of what they had in there. Information wise. I also had to TRY and explain my mom what was the difference between one and another. She eventually settled with a Panasonic one. Haha. All she and David cared about is that it had great zoom. Whatever. All I cared about is that it had a USB cable. She also bought me some 4X6 photo paper so I can print her an old picture of David and his mother. It came out alright. I still need that 58 ink cartridge. We went home after that, but we didn't stay for long. Mother wanted to buy everything we needed for our little party on Sunday. We didn't come back home until 15 before nine. While we were shopping she told me that I could try the internet again (I had to make a payment). So, I had a party in my head when she told me. That's the first thing I did when I got back home.

My mom asked me to invite Erika. Pfff. That girl is boy crazy. I don't socialize much and she'd get bored with me. Plus, she goes to church on Sundays. She also asked me to invite this bus boy at work. -_- After I told her that he was being too, uh... social. Hahaha. Man, I'm lame. I have mixed feelings about him. I don't know how to act around him, really. Not without giving him wrong signals. I hate doing that. I tend to be too nice for my own good. But see, I don't know whether he's talking to me because I'm the only one there to talk to (aside from David), to be social, or whatever other reason. The thing is, he's not social at all. He hardly talks to anyone else. He just asks too many questions to me. Stuff he doesn't need to know. "Do you go out much?" "Do you hang out with friends?" "What do you do when you're not working?" Yeah, he's just trying to talk to me, but fuck, man. It just doesn't feel the same when others ask me shit like that. While he was trying to talk to me I HOPED like hell that he'd ask me about my "I (heart) Kolin" pin yesterday. I'll know then what his intentions are. I've been wearing that pin hoping he'd get a hint. Heh. I'll shut the fuck up now. So now my mom thinks he might have a thing for me and that's why she asked me to ask him to come. HAAAAA. No. Fuck that shit.

Yesterday was alright, too. The manager didn't bitch at me. That's a first. I planned to tell him off, too. After work I helped David with some tables and chairs we were taking home for the party. My mom had everything ready when we got home. I didn't have to do much. I was outside for a while, but my father called and asked me if I wanted to go with him and see the fireworks like I did last year. I couldn't pass that up. Anywhere but home. It was boring. All I did was sit in the living room watching cartoons and drinking. I spoke with a few people from work, but that's about it. I was a little buzzed when my father came by to pick me up. I was laughing too much. He told me that he went over to see his sister. I haven't seen his family in um, two years. Almost everyone from my father's side is artistic (as I've mentioned before), so I can relate with them. They're too religious, though. Heh. As long as they don't talk to me about their religion, I'm fine. Dad told me that he told Carlos (a cousin of mine) that I had a degree in Graphic Design. He got kinda excited, I assume. He wanted to talk to me after that. Carlos is a Graphic Designer and has been for 15 years. He is an awesome sketch artist, though. He's my fucking inspiration! Ever since I saw him draw Garfield I wanted to be just like him. And I did start out well. I would draw for fucking hours. I remember buying little "How to" books. It's all gone, though. I don't have that ambition anymore.

So, while waiting for the firework show to start my father called him up. I got kinda nervous, but eager to talk to him. It was funny. We would finish each other's sentences. He was willing to get me a job where he works at. They were looking for some web designers, but I told him that I had already submitted an application for another job. It was in Long Beach, too. Kinda far for me. Then I told him that I wasn't comfortable working in the GD area just yet. I didn't feel that I was good enough to work. He just laughed. Told me he feels the same way. I went :O. Fucker. He's fucking GREAT at what he does. The fuck is HE talking about. But yeah. He said that no matter how many years you work in an creative field, you're always going to feel like you're not good enough. He said that was alright, though. It's better that I'd be my worst critic. I'd push myself harder that way. Then he mentioned that the people who are sure of themselves and think they are good at what they do usually come up with crappy designs. I agree with him. I saw that a lot at school. Of course, it doesn't apply with everyone. We exchanged emails, too. He wants to keep in touch with me. He told me that he wanted to start a side project and wanted "our heads" to get together and work something out. I went woooooo. Experience! I need him as my mentor. He was even thinking about coming down here to see me. :D I told him that if he does, I can show him my portfolio. I need to build that bitch up, though. I only have a few pieces. Not good enough. I hope he likes it. I hope he thinks I'm good enough. Eeeeee. If it doesn't work out. Oh fucking well.

Ahhhh.

My head is spinning a bit. Due to thoughts.

Last night... it WAS spinning. I went to bed going "Wheeeee."

Hmmm. Los Lonely Boys. I thought I liked that song, but uh, no. I guess it was just that one time when they were in Conan. VH1. Let it gooooooo.

I'm feelin' no meaning without you...

(I've lost all of myself)
I'm searchin' for a reason without you (Why can't it always be true)

So, it looks like I am back to my drinking habit. My mother wanted me to go to LA with her and Grandma yesterday but I passed on the idea. I wanted to go to Rite Aid to buy something to drink. I bought some Green Apple Smirnoff. My brother said they were good and I wanted to try it. I bought a six. I only drank one. Oh well. I gotta save them. Make them last longer. They are probably warm now since they are "hiding" out in my room. My mom doesn't know I bought it. I don't want to hear it from her.

I told David that I've been wanting to try some JD a few days ago. I mentioned it to him again. So, after I got off work he bought me a drink. I forgot what it was. JD with some lemonade. It was too sweet. I wanted it straight, but oh well. After work he took me to the liquor store and I got a bottle.

David: Get the smaller one so you can put it in your purse. You're mom will see it.
Me: Nah. The the other will fit.

I like it. Not the taste. Not yet. I like how it makes me feel. This should last me for a while.

I miss you, Kolin.

Oh. Looks like I am going to Vegas this Sunday and coming back Monday. David made me search for some hotel rooms an hour ago. It was tedious to do the search and having to call him on his cell. He was drunk and loud. He's out with my mom. I don't really care to go. I'm going to be bored as fuck, but I guess I should. I need to get out. Plus, pretty lights rooooock. I still don't want to. Bah.

Yeah. He's dead.

At least he's better off in a better place. Where is that place? Who knows. But anything is better than a one-bedroom... something. All for his son. -_-