*whimpers*

Otep.

05/12/2005

Glass House Mouth of Madness Tour

Pomona, CA

I just got a fucking headache. I don't know anyone that will take me EXCEPT for Julian, BUT he works and- FUCK! It. Fuck it.

Fuck.

Another one gone.

This makes three original DP band members gone. I will never get to see the originals, but I still hope to see the last standing two and the new three.

From Lorie @ MySpace

BOY: I saw her today
GIRL: I saw him today

BOY: It seems like its been forever
GIRL: I wonder if he still cares

BOY: She looks better than before
GIRL: I couldn't stop staring at him

BOY: I asked her how things were going
GIRL: I asked about his new girlfriend

BOY: I'd choose her over any girl im with
GIRL: He's probablly really happy right now

BOY: I couldnt look at her without starting to cry
GIRL: He couldnt even look at me

BOY: I told her I miss her
GIRL: He doesnt mean it

BOY: I meant it
GIRL: He didnt mean it

BOY: I love her
GIRL: He loves his new girlfriend

BOY: I held her for the last time
GIRL: He gave me a friendly hug

BOY: Then I went home and cried
GIRL: Then I went home and cried

BOY: I lost her
GIRL: I still love him

At this very minute...

someone is thinking of you
someone cares about you.
someone misses you
someone wants to hold your hand.
someone wants you to be happy.
someone wants to hug you.
someone will do anything for you.
someone needs to know your love is unconditional.
someone wants to tell you how much they care.
someone wants to stay up watching movies w/ you.
someone wants to hold you in their arms.
someone wants to see you.
someone wants to be your lover.
someone loves you for who you are.
someone loves the way you make them feel.
someone wants to be with you.
someone wants you to know they are there for you.
someone is glad that you're their friend.
someone is wishing you would notice them.
someone wants to get to know you better.
someone loves you.

Repost this if you are thinking of someone at this very minute. In less than 12 hours your love of your life will respond.

I found him already, but this is for you guys. I think about you all too. :)

Michael Hussar

Great paintings. GREAT. Blood. Check it out.

For the love of Mike.

I can't sleep and I tried reading, but that didn't work. BME always helps me when it comes to boredom. I am semi-obsessed with that site. I was looking through the tattoos section: miscellaneous. I came across a tattoo from one of Mark Ryden's paintings. That bunny is actually a part of the first Mark painting I ever laid eyes on. Anyway. I loved it. It looked great. And I thought, "If Iwere to get a Mark tatt, it would be Rose 42." That's my favorite Mark painting. *looks at wall* It's flawless. Then a few seconds later I come across this and my whole world collapsed. I swear it killed it for me. How could someone DO THAT to that painting? A lot of people seem to love this painting. More than I assumed.

I think I should just buy a replica of the painting to hang up on my wall.

And just because we're here:


You are "Uncle Black"


Which Mark Ryden Painting Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Really bad quiz.

I didn't ask to be here,
But I was given the chance to be.

And they keep rolling in.

I started drinking around 8:30 and didn't stop until a little after nine or so. So, I was pretty buzzed. Around 50 after nine, my dad calls. I try to act sober. Or sound sleepy. "Hey, mija. How are you? I'm right outside." Ahhh. "Okay, I will be right out." He was supposed to come by this evening. So, I talk to him for a second before he hands me a check (child support deal) and a pink envelope. I thanked him for both, still trying to act sober, but I was failing.

I went back inside my room and I looked at my card. It made me laugh.



And yes, that does say, 21 or 22 or 23. My age is unknown when it comes to my father. He never remembers my birthday or how old I am. Heh. My brother has to keep reminding him. I've gotten so used to that.

The card was just as great.



And there was money inside. I am going to use it for my bills. I am trying to save money. Trying. It's not easy with me. I like to buy stuff.

Mari didn't go to school today. She got a bit sick. Or "sick." I got up a little after nine and looked around. Ever since yesterday, I've been getting these images that she killed herself because of me. Me finding her in bed, shaking her to wake up, unable to and leaning against the wall before I slide down and begin to cry. My way of thinking is very detailed. Anyway, I woke up and went into the bathroom. I saw that the bottle of shampoo that I saw before I went to bed was still there. In the same spot. "That dork didn't go to school." I thought it was because she didn't feel like it, didn't want to see her friends, or forgot to wake up. So, I went into her room and asked her why she didn't go to school. "I'm sick." I just looked at her and said, "Hold on." I left her room and went into the kitchen and grabbed for some Ny and a spoon. I gave her some and said, "That'll keep you sleeping until the afternoon." It didn't, but yeah. She woke up an hour later and did her things. I made her some "spagehtti." It was good. And around 5 I took her to the 5 dollar store so she could get some clothes. We then went into this big dollar store that we haven't had the chance to check out. It was eh. After that I treated her with some Starbucks. I know she wanted some. We went home and relaxed for a while before the old folks came back from their Vegas trip.

This morning she came up to me and said, "Did you see your present?" "What?" I asked. She went over to my room and gave me this little envelope in a very D.I.Y. style. But it was just a crumpled up envelope that comes with the gift card (which was a Star Wars one- Go figure). I opened it and it was a Borders gift card. Rooooock. I thanked her and gave her a hug. She said, "It's only 26 dollars." Somewhat like saying, "Sorry it couldn't be more." I told her it was good enough that it was a gift card for a BOOKSTORE. No one ever thinks to give me that. I know I haven't really talked about what I've gotten. Well, Sinthya wanted to get me something, but because I really couldn't decide, she gave me a $2o. I used that money to get myself a track jacket/sweater and some panties. :D Colette sent me a letter that had ripped out pages from a Barbie coloring book which I looooved. My aunt bought me some bras and some socks. Julian got me a lot of crap. I asked him if he could get me some clothes instead of the GBA SP. He took me to Ross (I wanted to go there, it's cheaper) and I got lots of panties, a bra, maybe four Camis and this top for work. And he got me some new Chucks. The two tone ones. Black and Pink. My mother got me some black Dickies for work and a purse. And my Kolin got me a CD, which BTW... I decided not to return. It doesn't matter if I already have it, it's a gift from you and it would be wrong of me to return something that you chose to give to me. So... keeping it. :)

I love you.

Feh.

My sister was off with some friends of her's. Cool with me. They went to the mall. She was to be back at 6. She got here at that time. First thing she asks is if her friends can hang out with her in her room. I looked at her. I didn't reponse, but my first reaction was to say no. That's when she asked if they could just see her room and then hang out outside. "Okay," I said. I went into the kitchen to check them out. There was Ashley and two guys. I didn't like that, but oh well. I make another round later. I see the front door open and I see one of the guys walking towards it. Like saying, "Fuck it, I am going in." Fuck you. I closed the door on him. And then I went inside my room. After a few minutes I heard the door that goes into the living room close and I heard the kids in there. I got so fucking angry. I yelled for my sister. "MARI, Get in here." Very stern. She didn't respond. It's not like I was far away. She should have heard me. I went back in my room and held my head. I started shaking a bit. I don't do well with confrontations. Especially when it comes to my sister. So, I grabbed some balls and went into the living room. I stood next to the kitchen and I said, "Sorry, but no boys. You should know better, Maria. I'm sorry guys, I know it's cold outside, but I'm going to have to kick you out. You guys can hang out outside." One of the guys just shrugged and said, "Mari's busted." Fuck you. She's not. My sister quickly said okay and I could see the tears in her eyes. I know I've probably embarrassed her. And her friend have me that, "What a bitch" look. Fuck off. Mari KNOWS that she's not allowed to have guys over. If my mother and David won't allow it, I sure as hell am not. She needs to know that just because they are gone and I am here, I am not going easy on her. I have to set rules, too. More so because I've never even SEEN those fuckers. It pisses me off that she's willing to take advantage of me and the situation. She knows better. She dissapointed me. I know I probably dissapointed her, but I am not the Cool Sister. I am just The Sister. The Eldest. The one that has to take care of her.

You guys don't know how this makes me feel. To give her limitations. As simple as this situation is, I couldn't handle it. I was shaking from anger and discomfort. A little fear. But I had to do it. I just hope she gets over it.

A day I needed.

Since Grandma's been here, I haven't had any alone time. Today the folks, Grandma, and her husband are going to check out Vegas and spending the night there. It's just me and Mari tonight. They leave after David and I get back from work.

This will give me time to compose myself.

I got permission. WOO.

This is a bit from the letter that Colette sent me for my birthday. It's one of the best parts. :D

Just in case you can't make it out it says, "(In case you can't tell we are rolling our eyes.)"

Cole's bubble says: Blah Blah.

Skip it.

Ultimate Survey (377 questions long) Whatever.
time started: 9:53 PM
full name: Cristal Bernal
nickname(s): Oxie or Cris
birthday: April 20
where were you born: Los Angeles.
zodiac sign: Taurus/Aries
height: 5'5''
weight: 205. I think the scale is lying to me.
hair color: Black with dark red.
eye color: Drk Brown
shoe size: Girls: 9, Men: 7
ring size: 7 or 8
skin type (freckles, tan, albino, etc.): Um, sometimes orange, somtimes olive, sometimes pale.
blood type: 0 Positive
grade: N/A
GPA: 9th Grade: 3.7. 12th Grade: 1.something.
siblings: Julian, Mari, and Karina.
tattoos: None.
piercings: Just my ears :(
hobbies: Sleeping, eating, watching TV, music, reading and chatting.

favorite
color: Red and black. Among many others.
food: Chicken.
candy: Um, CHOCOLATE.
type of cheese: I dunno.
pizza topping: Sausage and extra cheese.
salad dressing: Ranch.
sandwich: Ham and pickles.
cereal: Hmm. Lucky Charms, I guess.
fruit: Asian pears.
vegetable: Um. Broccoli.
berry: Um. CRANberry juice.
cake: Chocolate ice cream cake.
book: Mammoth Book of Oddballs and Eccentrics.
movie: Neh.
magazine: I like stuff like MAD or Cracked. But whatever.
newspaper: The Daily Bulletin.
tv show: Robot Chicken
website: Habbo Hotel. All my friends are there.
radio station: I have four. Two oldies, Alternative, and hard rock/metal.
font: Arial.
cartoon character: I dunno. I like'em all. Stimpy is a great one.
artist (painter): Mark Ryden.
actor: Johhny Depp? He's in most Tim Burton movies.
actress: I dunno. I like Drew Barrymore.
cd: Right now? I dunno.
song: Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team) by Taking Back Sunday
music group: Hmm. I can't pick! Otep are great. But so are Dead Poetic.
music type: Whatever.
day of the week: Tuesday. Library Day.
month: October.
season: Fall.
holiday: Halloween.
shampoo: Don't care.
conditioner: Dont. Care.
number: 5
phrase: Eh.
store: Target
weather: Cool, breezy winds.
restaurant: Um. I love that little Chinese Food place close to my house.
channel: VH1, I guess.
teacher: It was Mr. Andrews.
weekend activity: I work. So... watching Fuse.
hangout: My room.
house color: This shitty peach/salmon/vomit color.
sport to watch: Don't care to.
sport to play: None.
animal: Cats, mostly.
flower: Sunflower.
guy's name: Simple names.
girl's name: Same.
board game: Don't have one.
party game: Don't party.
story from childhood: Probably those Christopher the Mouse books. "What Makes A Rainbow?"
body part: Depends. Males: Neck. Women: Breasts.

have you ever
been on a train: Yes.
been on a plane: Yes.
been in a car accident: No.
caused a car accident: No.
run into a wall: Yes.
burned a potato chip: Yes.
almost burned the house down: No.
smoked: No. I almost did. BAD SIN.
been drunk: Yeah.
been high: Yeah. Slightly.
broken the law: Probably.
burned a cd (if yes, the one above is yes): YES. And no it is not. Fucker.
kissed someone of the opposite sex: No.
kissed someone of the same sex: No.
frenched an animal: Yeeeah. No.
made out: Uh. No?
had cyber sex: Maybe.
gotten engaged: Nope.
had an online relationship: Yes.
been rejected by a crush: Nope. Never taken it far.
loved: Yes.
made yourself cry to get out of trouble: I dunno.
cried in public: Yes.
cried over a movie: Yes.
fallen asleep in a movie theater: Yes.
given someone a bath: Yes.
been to a boarding school: No.
been home-schooled: No.
lost a valuable item: Yes.
bungee jumped: No.
skied: Uh.
met the president: Why would I want to do that?
met a celebrity: Maybe. I don't care to.
gotten a cavity: Yess.
shopped at abercrombie & fitch: Never been in there.
made a prank call: Yeah.
skipped school: Well, yeah. Never ditched, though. Same shit?
faked sick to get out of school: At times.
purchased something that you knew didn't fit: Probably. Lol.
climbed a tree: Yeah.
fallen from a tree: Yeah.
broken a bone: Nope.
sprained anything: Yes.
passed out: Nope.
made yourself pass out: Nope.
been to disney world: Nope.
been to a theme park (not disney): Yes. Fucker.
said i love you and meant it (not to a relative): Yes.
made a model volcano (working model): No.
made a clover leaf with your tounge: Nope. Mari can, though.

past
what did you do yesterday: Well, since it's midnight- Fuck that. I went out with Sin.
memory you miss the most: I have a couple.
memory you want to forget: Eh. Too many.
something you regretted after it was done: Don't we all?
song you heard: Past song I heard? What? As in last song I heard? Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths/Morissey.
cd you bought: Hmm. I don't remember. I almost bought Shamed Lady.
thing you said: Out loud? I don't remember.
time you cried: A few hours ago.
movie seen in a theater: Shouldn't it say "LAST?" Whatever. Uh, Harry Potter. 3rd one.
thing you ate: Some chocolate ice cream cake.
person who called: Um. Julian.
nail polish shade worn: Lavender.
time you showered: Hmm. This morning.
person who complimented you: Probably my grandma.

at this moment
what are you listening to: Taking Back Sunday.
what are you wearing: My sweats and layered tanks.
what are you thinking: About stuff. Mostly Kolin.
what are you scared of most: Losing loved ones.
how many people are on your buddy list: 25

future
occupation: Something artistic.
marriage site: Wha?
honeymoon: I dunno?
place to live: I dunno. Hopefully here. I love Ontario.
kids: Maybe. :)
car: I dunno. I'm afraid of driving.
what are you doing tomorrow: Going out with Julian.
do you think george bush will be reelected: Uhhh...
will there be a wwIII: No.
will politics ever be truthful: Ha. Will my ass ever get small?
will humanity snuff itself out: It could, but no. I'd hate to think that.
can the gov. be changed: Probably.

friends
best friend:
funniest:
silliest:
loudest:
quietest:
craziest:
calmest:
skinniest:
best secret keeper:
worst secret keeper:
the one you have but don't want:
smartest:
preppiest:
peppiest:
most hyper:
hottest:
weirdest:
biggest pervert:
most annyoing:
shyest:
most religious:

Yes. I did skip this. Silly questions, I guess.

do you believe
heaven: Yes.
hell: I believe hell is earth.
angels: Eh. I'd like to, though.
devil: Yes. She lives here.
god: Yes.
buddha: Oh, here we go.
aliens: I dunno. Maybe. I am neutral about that subject.
ghosts: Neutral.
spirit (soul): Yeah.
soulmates: Sure.
reincarnation: Yeah. If you want it.
love at first sight: Nope.
karma: Oh yes.
love in general: I believe it exists.
luck: Nah.
yourself: Not really.

crush
who and when was your first crush: Hmm. I dunno. I guess Dennis Rendon. I crushed on him for maybe two or three years. Even after I moved.
any now: My Kolin.
a celebrity crush: Um. Right now- Nah. Nevermind.
who do you want to be with right now: Kolin.
whos number do you want: KOLIN'S. Heh.
who do you want to kiss: Kolin.
what is something you dont understand about the opposite sex: Why do they have to be so perverted?
if you could go on a date with anybody, who would it be: Kolin.
on scale of one to ten, how romantic are you: Maybe an 8. I'm not perfect.
first thing noticed about the opposite sex: I dunno. Depends. Hardly anything.
what do you look for personality-wise: Intelligence, sense of humor, how considerate and patient he is. That's what I have with Kolin.
biggest turn on: Heh.
biggest turn off: Not sure.
something they wear that turns you on: They? Kolin? BLACK. lol
something they wear that turns you off: Nothing so far.
the most romantic thing you want to happen to you: I dunno. Maybe just get kissed for the first time.
the most romantic thing that has happened to you: Kolin telling me that he loves me over the phone.
what do you wear on a coffee date: What is that?
is it right to flirt if you're taken: Nope. Although, I think men mistake my sarcasm as flirting.
is cyber cheating: Heh. Yesss.
are eyes the passegeway to the soul: Sure. Why not. They are also for looking.
who would you like to take to the prom: Yeah. I didn't want to go then...
do you want to hug somebody right now: Yes.
do you know what an aphrodisiac is: Yeah.

describe
mellow: His voice.
melancholy: My heart at times.
the perfect date: It matters more who you're with rather than where.
the perfect mate: My Teddy.
how m&m's are made: Those big M&Ms poop them out.
why manhole covers are round: Because they are.

one or the other
coke/pepsi: Water.
sprite/7-up: Alcohol.
boxers/briefs: Panties!
gold/silver: Silver.
vanilla/chocolate: CHOCOLATE.
flowers/candy: Flowers.
book/magazine: Book.
tv/radio: Radio.
glass half empty/half full: I see it as empty. Always have. Bullshit psychology crap.
democrat/republican: None.
colored pencils/markers: Markers.
coffee/tea: Coffee.
sun/moon: Moon.
day/night: Night.
hot/cold: Cold.
dog/cat: Cat.
button/zipper: Both.
cotton/feather pillow: COTTON! I dunno. Never had feather. Those could be pokey.
blue/purple: Blue.
plumber/trashman: Uh. Right.
jeans/shorts: Cargos/Dickies. Ass.
long distance relationship/none: LDR. Duh.
mechanical/regular pencil: Both.
matt/ben: NONE.
that 70's show/simpsons: The Simpsons.
kelso/eric: None.
donna/jackie: Gawd.
bart/lisa: Lisa.
romeo/juliet: PLEH.
romantic comedy/thriller: Both.
nsync/bsb: Oh Jesus.
peanut butter/jelly: BOTH. DUH.
waffles/pancakes: Waffles. Mm.
letter/email: Both.
florida/california: Florida. :P
pizza/burgers: Pizza.
hat/visor: Hat.
football/rugby: Wrasslin'.
iceskating/blading: Eh.
movie at home/in theater: Don't care.

first thing you think of when you hear
yellow: Flower.
red lipstick: Lips.
socks: Stripped.
cowtipping: Stupid.
moulin rouge: X-Tina.
greenland: Elvis.
iceland: Bjork.
harry potter: Voldemort.
red: Blood.
blackberry: Fruit?
rose: Pretty.
rooster: Alice In Chains.
taxes: Crap.
bill clinton: Cigar.
whipped cream: Chocolate.
george w. bush: Fuck off.
lollipops: Red candy!
dreams: Fucked up.
love: Mm.
guys: Pleh.
south park: Mr. Slave.
boy bands: I got over it.
pengiuns: Cuute.
girls: Boobs.
thong: Mari. (don't ask)
death: Inevitable.
spoons: SOUP.
junk mail: DIE.
dairy: Journals are better.
panties: Hello Kitty!
your father: Mixed feelings.
pizza: Cheeese.
britney spears: Drama trash.
vitamin: Flinstones.

are you
happy: Nope.
sad: A bit.
religious: Nope.
bitchy: Probably will get there tomorrow.
crazy: At times.
messy: Yeah.
mad: A bit.
slacker: Yesss.
nerd: Try dork.
bookworm: Somewhat, but not full on.
jock: Nah.
preppy: Nah.
selfish: Probably. Try not to be.
giving: Yeah.
obsessive: At times.
violent: At times. But no one ever sees it.
calm: Yeah.
peaceful: Yeah.
mellow: Yeah.
eccentric: Sure. More weird, though.
caring: Sure.
untrustworthy: Nope.
loyal: Yes.
patriotic: No.
perverted: Yes, at times. I have to be. Damn Kolin. :)
colorful: Yes.
artistic: Creative.

miscellanoues missallamanose? Retard.
what color is your jacket: I have two. Um, both black. One has red.
do you shave: Yeah.
where: HA. Wouldn't you like to know. Perv.
what color is your razor: Blue.
what size is your bed: Twin.
what color crayon would you be: Me? I dunno. I'd be half black, half rainbow.
what are the last four digits of you phone number: 1419
feelings on abortion: I wouldn't do it, but if you want to... your choice.
how long does it take you to shower: 20 minutes.
what does your screenname mean: It means I am a moron.
thoughts on blonde pop stars in general: Eh. Generic bottles of crap.
who so you trust the most: I dunno.
is cussing a necessity in life: Sure. It's makes conversations seem not as boring.
how about coffee: Nope.
is the world screwed: It's screwed up.
what's something you cant live without: Music and loved ones.
what time did you fall asleep: I don't remember. Maybe midnight.
know what 69 means: I don't know whether to be a Perv or a Turtle about this.
how about 143: Does it matter?
can you live without a microwave: Probably. Yes.
what do think about death: I think it's scary even though I talk lightly about it.
where and when do you want to be married: Don't care about either.
do you want to drop out of school: Um. Heh.
why is the sky blue: I don't care.
what is a good trait about yourself: Hmm. I am understanding.
what do you always think about: My boyfriend and events in my life.
what is wrong with your school: Who cares.
what is right with your school: EH.
how do you react to change: Not so great, but I eventually adapt.
do you talk to yourself: A lot.
what is your opinion on love: Wonderful and scary.
can you afford to lose weight: Can I afford? I should.
what color would you dye your hair: I like it black. So black it stays.
best thing anyones told you: "I love you."
what is your reaction to someone telling you you're hot: Depends on who says it.
does being psycho appeal to you: Nope.
if you wrote a book, what would it be about: About me. That's all I know.
what would you change your name to: I wouldn't.
longest crush lasted how long: Speaking in the future sense: My "crush" to Kolin has.
tme finished: 12:44AM. I worked on Dante's site for two hours, though. woot.

Just one of many. Maybe.

1. Of all the bands/artists in your cd/record collection, which one do you own the most albums by?
Hmm. *checks* If I remember correctly, it's They Might Be Giants. Four.

2. What was the last song you listened to?
Judith by A Perfect Circle. I am watching Making The Band 3. :P

3. What's in your CD player right now?
Hmm. Oh. It's my Sunday Night copy. :)

4. What song would you say sums you up?
I wouldn't know. A lot of songs make me feel like they are me.

5. What's your favorite local band?
Local band? Hmm. I have two! Dumbluck and Aetrium. :P

6. What was the last show you attended?
The City of Champions tour. :D

What happened to SEVEN?!

8. What's the shittiest band you've ever seen in concert?
THE MARS VOLTA. Their fans sucked more. I like the voice, but the music blows.

9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of?
Um... The Used? I dunno. I am more into what music is played than who is in the band. I don't even know their names. *shrugs*

10. What is the most musically involved you have ever been?
Only way I'd say I was musically involved is to say that I have music in my genes. You'd have to meet my father's family to understand.

11. What show are you looking forward to?
Dead POETIC. God, I want to see them. I want to see Mae, Anberlin, Breaking Benjamin... A lot.

12. What is your favorite band shirt?
My Takeover UK shirt. I don't own a lot of band shirts. I think I only have two. WOO.

13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
One is dead and the other lives far.

14. What musician would you like to hump for a day?
Hmm. Heh.

15. Metal question-Jeans and Leather vs. Cracker Jack clothes?
CRACKER JACK LEATHER! No. None? I fail to see how this is a 'metal question.' Care to help me out? I am too tired to try to figure this out myself.

16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?
I like both. Suck it.

18. Blackjack or solo Michael Bolton?
*cough* Give me some Tool.

19. Doesn't Primus suck?
NO. They say they suck (i.e. primussucks.com), BUT they don't. Les Claypool.

20. Name 5 flawless albums. Only five? :( The ones I can think of:
-Breaking Benjamin - We Are Not Alone
-Tool - Opiate
-Otep - Sevas Tra/House Of Secrets
-Alice In Chains - Greatest Hits (The only AIC I have. :l)
-Mer De Noms - A Perfect Circle

So far...

21. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek?
No. It makes me bored.

22. What was the greatest decade for music?
There is no decade greater than the other. I don't care about that.

23. How many music-related videos/dvds do you own?
None. That I know of.

24. Do you like Journey?
My dad might. Not me.

25. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
When I used to own it, it was the Godzilla OST. But now, it's still The Wedding Singer.

26. What was your last musical "phase" before you wisened up?
Um. My Dance music/Top 40/Boy Band phase I went through when I was in Jr. High and half of High School. I still like some of that shit.

27. What's the crappiest CD/record/etc you've ever gotten?
I dunno. I've gotten a few really crappy ones. I can't really say.

28. Do you prefer vinyl or CD?
CD. Vinyl is nice, but CDs are smaller and you can play those in your car.

This all was only wishful thinking...

I didn't want to post, but I do want to thank Colette for that letter she sent me. Thanks. :) My favorite present. Made me smile. Hmm. Not a lot to say. Been listening to Cute Without The E a lot. And thinking a lot. David got me a small (750) bottle of Jack and I can't let it just sit there. I am taking that shot for you, Colette. And much more.

Two²

Yey.

I AM NOT DR. PHIL.

Yeah. Anyway. Julian called me this afternoon just wanting to "talk." Riiight. He told me that he already knew what he wanted to get for me for my birthday. He told me, of course. He's getting me a GBA SP. Mmhmm. With my all-time favorite NES game. MMHMM. Damn right. If you don't know what game that is... you don't rock. Then again, I think I've only told maybe one person online. Maybe. I dunno.

He's getting me that game, NOT only because it's my birthday, but because a few years ago, he "lost" my original GBA WITH my game. And ever since then, he's been promising me that he'd get it back for me. That was back in 2001. Woo. I guess he finally came through! Four years later. Better late than blah, blah, blah.

He's taking me to Walmart (EEEEVIL) tomorrow to pick the color of the GBA SP. Grey or Red. I dunno. I was really fond of that Classic NES GBA SP I saw last year. Ah well. I get to play while taking my break at work now! WOO!

It's Monday.

And that means nothing. Heh.

This weekend was worky. Slow as hell, though. Sinthya is probably (AND HOPEFULLY) coming over this Wednesday. Woo. And staying for the night. Woo to the second power. I am not doing anything on that day, anyway. Yes, it will be my birthday, but I have nothing in mind. I might drink what I can. I don't feel like drinking, but I will with Sin. Just one or two shots. She can have the rest. ;)

Grandma told me that David had told her that he and the family are taking me out to eat on Thursday since he gets the evening off or something. So, a little belated birthday dinner for me. Anything but Black Angus and Acapulco. I am tired of those places. I'd settle with some Chinese food. Mmm. So, yeah.

I think I am going to try and read some more.

Oh, and honey? Thanks again for the early birthday e-card. It's just as corny as as the ones you sent me last year. :P

I love you.

Edit: Soo... it turns out that they aren't taking me out for my birthday. We are just having a carne azada out in the backyard. I can't even remember the last time I went back there. Anyway, this is waaaaaay better than taking me out. WAY. LIKE 7916286318449318³ times better. Oh yeah.

*tick*

Wasting time before work.

And more time wasting...

Yeah.

Sleeptime now. Me tired.

Have you ever...

[ ] smoked a cigarette
[ ] smoked a cigar
[ ] madeout with a member of the same sex
[ ] crashed a friend's car
[ ] stolen a car
[X] been in love
[X] been dumped
[ ] shoplifted
[X] been fired
[X] been in a fist fight (with Julian)
[ ] snuck out of your parent's house
[X] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[ ] been arrested
[ ] made out with a stranger
[ ] gone on a blind date
[X] lied to a friend
[X] had a crush on a teacher
[ ] skipped school
[ ] seen someone die
[ ] had a crush on one of your myspace friends
[X] been on a plane
[X] seen the rocky horror picture show
[ ] thrown up in a public place
[X] purposely set a part of myself on fire
[ ] eaten sushi (tried, ew)
[X] met someone in person from the internet
[ ] been moshing at a concert
[X] had real feelings for someone you knew only online
[ ] been in an abusive relationship
[X] taken painkillers
[X] loved someone
[X] laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
[ ] made a snow angel
[ ] had a tea party
[X] flown a kite
[X] built a sand castle
[X] gone puddle jumping
[X] played dress up
[X] jumped into a pile of leaves
[ ] gone sledding
[X] cheated while playing a game
[X] been lonely
[X] fallen asleep at work/school
[ ] used a fake id
[X] watched the sun set
[X] felt an earthquake
[X] touched a snake
[ ] slept beneath the stars (I want to)
[X] been tickled
[X been robbed
[X] been misunderstood
[X] won a contest
[ ] ran a red light
[ ] been suspended from school
[ ] been in a car accident
[ ] had braces
[X] felt like an outcast
[ ] eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
[X] had deja vu
[X] danced in the moonlight
[X] hated the way you look
[X] witnessed a crime
[ ] pole danced
[X] questioned your heart
[ ] been obsessed with post-it notes
[X] squished barefoot through the mud
[X] been lost
[ ] been to the opposite side of the country
[X] swam in the ocean
[X] felt like dying
[X] cried yourself to sleep
[ ] played cops and robbers
[ ] recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
[ ] sang karaoke
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[X] done something you told yourself you wouldn't
[X] made prank phone calls
[X] laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
[ ] caught a snowflake on your tongue
[X] danced in the rain
[X] written a letter to santa claus
[ ] been kissed under a mistletoe
[ ] watched the sun rise with someone you care about
[X] blown bubbles
[ ] made a bonfire on the beach
[X] crashed a party
[ ] gone rollerskating
[ ] had a wish come true
[X] worn pearls
[ ] jumped off a bridge
[ ] screamed penis in public
[ ] ate dog/cat food
[ ] told a complete stranger you loved them
[X] kissed a mirror
[X] sang in the shower
[X] have a little black dress
[X] had a dream that you married someone
[X] glued your hand to something
[ ] got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
[ ] kissed a fish
[X] worn the opposite sexes clothes
[ ] been a cheerleader
[X] sat on a roof top
[X] screamed at the top of your lungs
[ ] done a one-handed cartwheel
[X] stayed up all night
[X] didn’t take a shower for a week
[ ] pick and ate an apple right off the tree
[X] climbed a tree
[ ] had a tree house
[ ] are scared to watch scary movies
[ ] believe in ghosts
[ ] have more then 30 pairs of shoes
[ ] worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
[ ] gone streaking
[ ] played ding-dong-ditch
[ ] played chicken
[X] been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
[X] been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
[ ] broken a bone
[X] been easily amused
[ ] caught a fish then ate it
[X] watched porn
[ ] made porn
[X] caught a firefly
[X] laughed so hard you cried
[X] cried so hard you laughed
[ ] mooned/flashed someone
[X] had someone moon/flash you
[X] cheated on a test
[ ] own a britney spears cd
[X] forgotten someone’s name
[X] slept naked
[ ] french braided someone’s hair
[ ] been so happy it hurt
[X] been so sad it hurt

GET OVER IT ALREADY.

So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me...

I thought the Kolin Questions were over. I thought everyone had gotten that whole "long distance isn't going to work/he's out there with someone else" bullshit out of their system. Fucking Mike.

David got off an hour before me so he went over to the bar to drink a few. After I got off, he bought me a shot of Jag. Yeah. Mike (David's friend) started asking me questions about Kolin. Like how he was and where he was from again. Then he said, "Amores de lejos son para pendejos." Or some shit like that. Whatever. I was pretty buzzed and I tried to defend myself, but what's the use. David made that "he's a waste of time/it's not going to work" face. -_- Again. Whatever. They left me alone after that. Sorft of. Mike got on my back for not knowing how to drive yet. "How old are you now?" FUCK YOU. Okay?

The Fall of the Bernal Empire.

I failed to mention something about my chill time with Dad. He didn't fail to ask me how things were between David and Mom (which bummed me out). I hate it when he asks. It's none of his business. Sometimes I believe he's asking that to make sure I've been okay because I rarely tell him when anything's wrong until the wrong is over. But other times I believe he asks me about them to see if they are miserable. My father is rather bitter about his and my mother's divorce. Still.

Then he goes on and talks about my mother and the past. One thing I do like about my mother is that she doesn't talk about the past. She's only talked about my father a few times. I didn't like what I heard, but I believed her. We were watching Oprah. The topic was about The Super Nanny and those little pesky children. My dad and I started talking about whether a child should be hit or not. I told him I didn't believe in it, maybe a little smack on the hand, but even then... Maybe. He started telling me about how my mother used to hit me. She always smacked me on my back and my father would get mad at her for hitting me there intead of my ass. If he only knew about those other times she's smacked me around. I've gotten smacked around for not the washing the dishes right away. I almost got beat because I wouldn't do anything but lay around in my room. I had the flu. I told her my bones hurt and she didn't believe me until she felt my forehead. Just little things like that. I wasn't a bad kid. She just had a short fuse. Still does. Anyway... he also told me that my mother used to vent her anger on me. My father would get very angry at her. He would get in between me and her and tell my mother off. He'd tell me to go to my room. Then, before he would go to work, he'd tell my mother, "Don't even THINK about touching her, okay?" And yesterday, she banged on my door because I overslept. David had come home very late the night before. I assume, since he wasn't around before my mother came back from work after 2 AM. She wasn't happy with me, but I knew it wasn't my fault. When she yelled from the other side of the door, I remembered what my father said and I let it go.

And this morning I heard David laughing. I didn't leave my room at all, but I was awake. She knocked on my door (instead of raping it) and asked me if I was awake yet. She needed help with something. You never know with her.

WARNING!

Girls, THIS is what happens to you when you use steroids.

LEARN FROM CHYNA! DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE!

(not safe for work and/or school, BTW)

Another day with dad.

My father came by yesterday, but somehow I missed him. He called me a while later and asked me if I wanted to come over his home. I wasn't really bathed and looking great, so I declined. He offered to come by tomorrow and I agreed then. I really don't want to get into it much. I mostly talked to Nelly at first about health stuff. As always. After she left and my dad was there, we talked about the usual. Religion. I always bring it up, though. But this time it was different. Not only did we talk about religion, but we also talked about The Fall of the Roman Empire. He brought out his thrift store books and showed them to me. My father is very self-learned. I admire that about him. Julian came by for a couple of minutes, too. We all talked for a little since he had work to go to. Before my father took me home, we stopped by this thrift store and spent maybe 30 minutes in there checking stuff out. Then he got me some pizza and took me home. I found Mari asleep on the lazy boy sleeping. It was a good day, really.

Yeah. I am still troubled, but I am very neutral about it all. Just waiting for it to crash on me again.

Just some links.

ArghOMFGmsn: http://www.casta.ru/index.asp?art=design/articles/2005-3/17/9.htm
I am Oxie Moron: Fetish?
ArghOMFGmsn: Must be.
I am Oxie Moron: lol
ArghOMFGmsn: Bald head fetish...
I am Oxie Moron: God.
ArghOMFGmsn: http://members.cox.net/clyqz/mac.swf there's this as well which was funny.
I am Oxie Moron: HAAAAAAA.
ArghOMFGmsn: ;P
ArghOMFGmsn: My friend Baz sends me all these things.
I am Oxie Moron: That was great.
ArghOMFGmsn: I have no clue how he finds them.
I am Oxie Moron: Lucky he does.

YAY!

Cole told me about this like... an hour ago. It's the same thing I posted last year only they ADDED MORE STUFF! Have fun!

Edit: I want you all to make one. Make one OF yourself and send it to me. Pleease. I have an idea. PLEASE. Thanks.

"Has Cookie Monster given up sweets?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*cough*

HAAAA. Wow.

Kurtz made a strip on that article.

Yowzah.

I don't care if this movie blows or not. She looks fucking hawt.

Read the tagline for the movie? Heh.

"I am low on Fives and Ones."

Work. It was ehh. I was all over the restaurant and my hand was all over my nose. Allergies. In that past, Erika would have been there to help me, but since I am the "only" hostess there... I was on my own. I did get a bit of help from my boss. And BTW, I am not the only hostess. There's some other chick that works on Thursdays or something. Never met her. David finished first than I did and he wanted to have a drink afterwards. I pouted, but he offered to buy me one so, I agreed. I clocked out and did my business before I went over to the bar. As soon as I sat down, Martin put my drink in front of me. It was an Adios Motherfucker. UGH. I asked him what the hell was this doing in front of me and he told me that David had asked him to make me that drink. I DIDN'T WANT THAT. I just wanted a small drink or a shot or something. I sat there staring at it for maybe 10 minutes before I decided to drink it. I ate the cherry first and that did it for me. I wanted to puke. "David, I can't drink this. I'm going to throw up." And I sat there for a while before I decided to give my drink to Karla. Didn't have to pay for it. Neither did she. :D I'm glad I couldn't drink it. I have the advantage of not going over my limit.

On our way home, David told me about my Nino. It seemed that David was watching TV and just before he was going to go to bed, he heard my Nino coming out of the garage. That's right. My Great Grandfather is sleeping in the GARAGE. Why? He wants to be there. :( David assumed that my Nino wanted to go to the bathroom, so he opened the door for him and "walked" him to the bathroom. When he turned on the light and turned around, he wasn't there. He was still outside trying to jump our fence. o_O I know. So, David asked him what he wanted or needed. He wanted to talk to his daughter, my grandma. This was all happening at Midnight, BTW. Which means that she was already sleep. David made my Nino go back inside the garage and closed the door. A while after he heard him open the door again. This time, David decided to watch him. To see what he does. My Nino ended up going outside and going over to our next door neighbor's house. He set off their car alarm. :l So, David made him go back into the garage and told my mother what's been happening. My mother told my Nino off and locked him in the garage. Not in a mean way, but you know. Eesh. I felt bad about that.

My Nino's been very bad for a long while now. He forgets a lot of stuff quickly. It sucks.

Anyway, ARM has posted again. READ IT. It's funny shit.

It's how it is.

I saw my Nino when I went into the garage to do my laundry. I could see him from the corner of my eye and he was just sitting there. He looked pretty lonely. And hurt. I wanted to talk to him, probably because I felt sorry for him, but not just because of that. I just wanted to talk to him. Keep him company. Because he looked the same way I felt. I almost did a few times, but I couldn't bring myself to say a word or to turn my head to face him. I didn't know what to say. It seemed like I was ignoring him. What a bitch am I. I don't want to say just "hi." If I can't get any further than "hello" then why bother.

I went back in there to check on my laundry and I saw David with him. He wasn't talking either.

Ah yes.

Some things to speak of. How about Friday?

I wasn't all that great that day. I don't remember why, but it got to me when I was at work. I started to feel hot and nervous. I was pretty edgy and my allergies were insane. I would pace back and forward trying to stay calm, but that wasn't really working. I'd find myself going outside for a minute just to feel the breeze. That always calms me down. It wasn't until my manager asked me what was up with me and I told him that I was having a mild panic attack. It all went away (somewhat) as soon as they turned the AC for me. My allergies were still bitching and I was still a bit off. Liz talked to me while I grabbed a hand full of mints and put in as many as I could into my mouth. She just stared at me before asking, "Are you going to eat all of those?" "Yes," I lied. I put in maybe seven. And then a customer came in so I quickly spit them all out. "Did you spit them out? That was stupid." Yeah.

While I was standing around, doing nothing but rubbing a napkin on my nose, this cook came over to me. He shouldn't be allowed to come over like that since he has no BUSINESS doing so. Not unless there was a phone call for him, which he would take at the bar. So, I knew he was up to something. I ignored him, though. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he's not going to "feed me anymore." Around Saturdays, when I get hungry, I ask him to make me something and sometimes I say "thank you." Other times, I forget. So, that Friday, when he stood next to me, he tells me, "I am not going to feed you anymore."

Me: That's fine.
Him: You didn't say hi to me, so I am not going to make you anything anymore.
Me: Okay.
Him: Yeah because you don't say hi to me.
Me: That's fine. I don't care.

He was joking, but I wasn't. And it went on like that for a while before he started to leave. Then he turned back and asked me if I was sick and blah, blah. Dick. So, what did I do on Saturday? I ate earlier than usual. He doesn't come around until a few hours after I open. And when he was there, I said nothing to him, didn't look at him, I didn't acknowledge his fucking existence. He said hi to me and I blew him off. He's been playing with me too fucking much. Trying to be all cutesy and "heehee" funny with me. Especially when I want to place a to-go order. I have no fucking time. And those other times where he's tried to touch me somehow. No. So, yeah. I will be the biggest bitch he ever met. I know I'm not the first one, too. He did that to Erika. She told him off. I might have to do that too.

I was off first than David and I told him that I was going to wait for him over at the bar. "Okay, I'll join you later," he said. "What? You're not gon-"

Him: Yes, I want to have a beer.
Me: Uuuuugh, I don't wanna wait.
Him: Well, get a drink while you wait, then.
Me: I don't have mone-
Him: I'll pay for it. Get a Jack Daniels. Or a Long Island.
Me: *ding* Okay!

I am such a weak-ass. So, I happily walked over to the bar, but not before stopping by the Karaoke guys. One of them was selling this nice balls that lit up in many different colors when you hit them. I wanted to get one for Mari. I got it and I sat down over at the bar. Richard looked at me. "What are you doing here? Where'd David?"

Me: He's still working. I want a drink.
Him: o_O What?
Me: I want a drink. I dunn-
Him: *stares*
Me: Whaaaat? I'm 21, dammit.
Him: Hmm.
Me: I aaaaam. Trust me.
Him: So, what would you like.
Me: I dunno. I guess a Long Isl- No! I want a BLUE Electric Long Island Iced Tea.
Him: Oh, you mean an Adios Mother- *mumbles*
Me: Ah wha- Is that what it is?
Him: Yeah.

And I proceeded to have a conversation about the names of that drink before he gave me an Adios Motherfucker. While I was drinking it, Cliff, this regular customer came over to me. He started talking about stuff. Mostly getting to know each other. Cliff is an elderly architect and built the restaurant. Blueprints and such. He asked me what I was drinking and then he told me what he was drinking. He asked me to have a taste of it and I politely turned him down at first, but he grabbed his tiny glass and handed it to me. I didn't know whether I should get a straw or sip it from the glass. I sipped it from the glass. That drink was terrible. Beefeater. I've always wondered about that drink. Now I know. Ew. I didn't tell him that I didn't like it, though. I just told him that it had an "interesting" taste. So, after a while, I was buzzed. When I was done with my drink, I was drunk. I was laughing and loud. Everyone was laughing at me because they've never seen me drunk. That's when Richard asked me if I wanted another one. I declined. By that time, David was already there having his Tecate. Cliff bought him a drink and wanted to buy me another Adios Motherfucker. I declined again. Then Richard, out of nowhere, put down this mug in front of it. It was so blue and pretty. With a cherry in it. "Whoooa. That's a lot." I kept telling them that I couldn't drink it because David was paying for it and I had to ask him. I gave in and drank the fucker. I think half way through my drink, I got up, walked towards my work station and through the busboy area for no particular reason. One of the busboys saw me and asked what I was doing. "I am drinking." And I started laughing. He laughed too. "Where are you going?" I stared at him for a while before finally responding, "I don't know." And left. I went into the girls locker room to wash my face. By then, my face and hands were numb. I've never felt that before. I took a shortcut back to my seat and finished my drink. I drank both drinks with a straw. And fast. I was out of it. I was feeling rather happy, so I grabbed at my phone and looked through my address book. I wanted to call someone. I couldn't get a hold of Kolin, so I decided to call my brother instead.

Me: Hey.
Him: Hey, what's up?
Me: Nooothing. What's up?
Him: What do you want?
Me: What? I just wanted to call you.
Him: Oh-kaaay.
Me: *laughs*
Him: Uh, what are you doing?
Me: Nothing. I'm still at work, drinking.
Him: Drinking? Wait. You're drunk.
Me: Noooooooooooooooo.

And then he somehow convinced me to buy him some Smirnoff that night. "Somehow." Right. I got home at 10 and I avoided Mom. It was a good thing she was in the bathroom getting ready to go out. I stumbled into my room, changed, and got online. I was very nauseous. I went over to Mari's room and gave her the ball I had bought her. I was pretty drunk, but she ignored the fact. I went back into my room and chilled for a while before Julian called again. He was outside waiting for me. "Hey, Cris! Julian's outside." That was my mom. She didn't even see me as I went out. I passed by David (he was waiting for Mom in the car) and he looked at me while I stumbled around. So, I got into my brother's car and the first thing he said was, "You're wasted." He didn't know how fucked up I really was. A couple of minutes into the car ride, I told him, "I'm gonna puke, Julian. Don't buy me anything." He had offered me to buy me something as interest for getting him the drinks. Can you imagine me going to Rite Aid at 10:30 at night and drunk? I wasn't drunk off my ass, but I was drunk. I've never been drunk like that. He just said, "Play it cool, man." And I tried to compose myself. So, I went in and walked all the way towards the back. He took a while to pick whatever. "Julian. I'm gonna puke." Hahahaha. I grabbed onto the case and walked towards the front. While we waited in line, my brother was talking to me. He talked to me a lot and I'd just nod or say "Yeah." Then when he stopped, I turned to look up at him and said, "Hey, sorry man, I have no idea what you just said right now." He laughed. The cashier guy asked me how I was and I said great. He asked for my ID and I gave it to him. That's when I started telling my brother about the guy who was checking the IDs at the show I went at the Key Club and how he looked twice at it and at me and said that I looked like a "gangsta" in my ID picture. "I know I don't look like it, but it's me when I was 17." And my brother started laughing. The cashier guy laughed too. As I walked outside, my brother thought I was crazy for saying that. Whatever.

I got home and I was in my room for a little while before I said, "Okay. I am puking. Now." I went over to the bathroom and... yeah. It felt great, but it killed my throat. I got up, flushed, brushed my teeth and opened my door. My brother was on the other side with a glass of milk. "Ugh. Noo. I don't want it. I hate milk." He tried so hard to get me to drink it. He failed. That's when I tried to go to bed, but I got up again to check on Mari. I knocked on her door and entered it. She was still in bed, but crying this time. I asked her what was wrong and she said that her stomach hurt. I asked her if she told my mom and she said yes. I was too drunk to be pissed off about that, so I told her to get up and to go to the kitchen. By the time she got there, I was standing there with a spoon of Pepto. After that, I tried going to bed again. I got up, went over to the bathroom and made myself throw up. Twice. I had to get it all out. FINALLY. I went to bed. But before I fell asleep, I talked to my brother and I told him everything. Everything. From being molested to all the bullshit that I have seen or heard of in my life. He's ask me to stop, but I wouldn't. I couldn't. I'd see the hurt in his eyes. I couldn't stop. Towards the end I apologized to him. We had a good laugh about it. He left shortly after that. The room was spinning badly.

Julian called me at work the next morning to see how I was. I was alright. I didn't have a headache, but I was nauseous. So, yeah. I'm not drinking for another good while.

In other news: We put up a new door, Grandma came today, and I had a small breakdown.

I am fucking DRUNK! I can't feel msuel face.

I threw upo three toimes. Yeah. I never doing that again. Ever.

...

I hate today.