Oh. Yeah.

I stole it from Sin's MS. :D

Okay! More Gavin.

Little fucker on my bed this morning.



Peekaboo!



And the little fucker ontop of my fucking tower.



Again.



Yeh.

Julian's Camera

I've spent some time fucking around.



Contour's board. Sandy and I are up there.



Dad.



Mari and Gavin.



Me at the laundromat.



Me. *cringe* lol I always do that with my hand, BTW. Always. Unless I catch myself. I'm posting some more of Gavin later.

Body... aches.

Bill and I worked for 6 hours straight today. GAH! My... body... Pleh. Yeah. I'm a pussy.

Anyway! I got two calls today. One from the school district and the other from De Anza Middle School. Three interview. THREE. The first two will be on the first. Man.

Tired.

I NEED that CD.

Laid my head down
On your belly
I've never heard something so warm
It was bubbling
And popping
Like a fish dying on a shore

Colour Revolt. Mmhmm. It's been chilly for a good while here. The mountains are covered in blankets of snow. It feels good outside. Sandy and Bill went over to Temecula again with Grandpa and "Dumb and Dumber" as Bill calls them. Those two have been getting worse. The other day April comes into the kitchen as I am reading this magazine and says to me, "Hey, I didn't even know you were here. SAY hi or something. Weirdo." Bill turns to her and says, "It goes both ways." Patrick tells me, "You never say anything. You're just like your sister." I had said hello to him a few minutes earlier before April entered. Well, fuck you. Yeah, it will never end. lol It didn't go that way, of course. My memory sucks. I do remember that she pissed me off when she said that. I haven't talked to her or Patrick since. And visa versa. So good. Feels so good.

Ah. Valentine's Day. It was fun. Bill and Sandy got me and Mari a card. It was crazy how allll the cards we gave each other were Snoopy. ALL. It was great. Bill gave me this purple heart-shaped rock and Sandy got me a certificate for Contours Express. THREE months worth of it. Goddamn. I was very grateful about that. And Kolin got me this cute little teddy bear that's holding an "I love you" heart. lol I love it. I've never experienced Valentine's Day like that. It made me realize that you don't HAVE to have a significant other (even though I do) on that day. Fuck all that bullshit and just give a single rose or a card to a friend. Which is what I used to know and do but somehow lost it all during high school. High school kills a lot in people.

Bleh. I am not that great of a mood to blog about anything else. It should all stay in me noggin.

Matthew Joseph!

I hope I spelled it right, Sinthya.

That's his name! Sinthya's baby. 6.4 ounces and light skinned. That one was... wow. lol But yeah. My aunt called me and told me all about it. I was so excited that I forgot to ask what his name was. Heh. So cuuuute. Imma see him tomorrow.

Quick shit here.

Just to make it quick!

Sinthya called me this afternoon and she's having the baby either tonight or tomorrow. TOMORROW! :P Yay. Finally Baby is finally going to be here. I will get to see them tomorrow. :)

Then... I'm down to 204. :o Oh yeah. Rockin'.

Happy Early Valentine's Day!

"Day One"

“October 4th, 2005 10:07:17 PM"

Here I am. In my new abode.

I was too excited to sleep. Which I didn't. I tried to go to bed around 2, but I failed. I decided to just go ahead and take a shower before I started getting everything ready for the move. I went through the internet one last time because I knew it would be a while before I could get back on it. Julian wanted to start relocating our possessions at 6 AM. He didn't get up until 8. He and his friend, Victor, would stuff everything in mom's mini van while I took everything out of Mari's and my room. It took us around three hours to get everything out. And another 10 to put everything in order.

My first impression of my new "home" was, "Hmm. Julian and Mari need help in describing things to me." It was nothing like what they've told me. This place is much smaller than what I had in mind. It'll do, though. Away from there. Actually, I think it's perfect for the three of us. Mom wasn't around much while we moved our shit out of their house. But when she was, I ignored her completely. I even hit her on my way inside (she got in the way of the door). I didn't look at her. Julian shows me later a check to me for $600. *shrugs*

I met the manager, today. Sandy. She's great. Fun to talk to, knows Spanish, her husband knows it fluently, and she curses like a sailor. :D She also has cancer. She told us about how she's been on her own since she was 12. She had a baby at 13. And she looooved Gavin. She told us about the people that live here, too. Like these two older males. Schizos. She says that they are medicated, so it's cool. She told us lots of great stories. She's even intrigued with us. She respects that Julian and I took it upon us to look after Mari. She also loves how we're all in the same "dress code." Hahah. The hell.

I called Colette much later. She asked me to call her after I moved. I left her a message, but she called back a while later. It was good to hear from her. Alpacas! ;) Tomorrow, I have to go down to Mari's school to change her emergency cards.

I love to look out the window of my brother's room. I'll admit that I am sad, but great at the same time. So, I'm confused right now.

From Friday.

Down I go again.
Because I allow it.

My tummy is full of guilt. Or food. Whatever you want to call it. I went over my aunt Guille's house today. Long day. I went over Sandy's first because I had left some of my shit there. She also wanted me to wrap her presents for this bridal shower that she and April got invited to. I wasn't in the mood to talk this morning. Especially after Sandy's venting. I am greatful for that woman, but some of the things she tells me kills me. She doesn't realize what she's saying and who's she's saying it to. It hurts. So, I just sit there and take it. She drains me. After I was done with the wrapping and lunch, Sandy and I waited for April to get home from work. For 30 minutes we waited. I would have loved to walk back home, but Sandy wanted to give me a ride. I knew it was a bad idea because it LOOKED bad that I was waiting for April too. I knew it could cause tension. I felt it when I saw Patrick's face when he saw me waiting with Sandy. He wanted to ask what I was doing there. I could fucking feel it. When we all waited outside Patrick asked me, "Hey, Cristal? I thought you said you were going over your aunt's today." Siiiiiiigh. Sandy had to step in. As I was telling Sandy that I was leaving for Tim's and getting back at a convinient time and left for the door, I heard April turn to Sandy, "Where is she going?" I didn't like her tone. Or how she looked at me. I shouldn't be making a big deal about this. I feel very inferior when both of them are around. I think Bill has noticed. I denied it, but he's not stupid. I suck.

Anyway. Tim picked me up from Sandy's last night and took me to his place. First he showed me his Firebird. His baby. lol He showed me the parts to his car, too. I thought it was odd, but whatever. Good to learn a few things. I ended up hitting my head on the corner of the hood. But it wasn't bad. That hit ended up giving me a Vicodin high. Don't ask. He also showed me his dagger and sword collection. Those were pretty cool. He hugged his car goodbye before we headed for his place. We played video games. He played Megaman and I played Kingdom Hearts. Yey. Before that he showed me some FFX CGIs. Those were pretty cool. It was cool hanging out, but I was too tired to want to do anything. Colette called me when I was trying to beat Ansem. Hahahaha. It was pretty hard to talk to her, listen to Tim ("Cure! CURE!"), and play KH. I had to call her back.

Ladies, I am telling you this: Tim is a gentleman. If you want that kind of guy, he's it. If you're Asian, YOU'RE IN! He's into them. ;) I'm just saying that because when he took me back home he opened the car door for me and waited for me to get in before he shut the door. Hahahaha. That wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. It was more like, "Oh, that's nice." Unexpected, though. And maybe because I didn't know what had happened until it was done. Mari loves the guy. He gave her some InuYasha DVDs. "YOU'RE AWESOME." Yeah. They are both into Anime. I... am not. :) He talks a lot about it and I usually zone out. Not his fault. I try to focus, but it's hard. Talk to me about Family Guy or Ren and Stimpy. Then you have my attention. He would occasionally talk about FG, but not like NARUTO. Or is it Nurato? FUCK it. I dunno!

It was cool over at my aunt's. I grubbed, talked, blah. I played some B-ball (Heh) with my cousin, Kenny. Shooting hoops. I hadn't done that in years. It was fun. Watched a few movies, too. I ended up going to the store with my other cousin, Fernando. NEVER again. He drives like a fuckhead. He said that he was just shitting with me, but FUCK that. I hated his driving. Goddamn. He kept messing with me a lot today. I ended up digging my nails in his arm. :o I cut him. That's what you get when you touch my neck, nig. That's what you GET, foo. I felt bad, though. I didn't mean to cut him. We ate cake! Carrot! Yeah. As I got some, my uncle Carlo's sister was there and talked about me. "She's lost weight, right?" My aunt told her it was because I was in love. Then she called me over.

Her: Hey, Cristal.
Me: Excuse me?
Her: Come here.
Me: Yes?
Her: Have you lost weight?
Me: Yeah. A little.
Her: Is it because you are in love?
Me: I excersize.
Her: Are you in love?
Me: Okay, it's because I AM in love and excersize.
Everyone: WOOOOO! Awww! Yeeeeeeah! Ow!

WTF.

On the way home, fucking hell I was in a mood again. One of Julian's girl friend was there. Julian introduced Mari to her but skipped me. Hey, that's okay. I'm a bitch anyway. So, I started thinking about Stuff again. About how I am the "sister that doesn't work." The worthless one. The one that started all of this. The one that created the shit that we're buried in. I couldn't stop. Last night I cried because I felt that it was my fault that Julian got fucked over by his friends. "If I hadn't left..." Right.

I hate coming back here. I dunno where to go. Rant, rant, rant. I'll get over it. Yey.

So next time, when you feel inclined to ask me if my glass is half full,
Just to hear me say it's empty.
I'll say, "It's broken. And it will cut you if you try to pick up the pieces."
Just to spite you.

I found some older posts from when I had recently moved out. Hah. I'll post some.

And I finally found the plugs I've been wanting. Those are fours. I had threes on for a few days, but they were killing me, so I had to take them out and put these back on.

I dunno.

I've been acting like nothing's been wrong for a long while. I almost started to believe it, too. But, I guess it was just someone that was inside me that was giving me motivation and courage. I felt that someone leave my body as I was walking over to Sandy's this morning. It's still beside me. I've been feeling empty all day.

I'm hanging out with Tim tonight. I still feel empty.